Someone used to say this to me. Company colors the soul. You are colored by the company you keep – your spouse, your family members, your friends, your colleagues etc. Those whom you work with or spend time with. You may get colored or you may color them. It depends o how strong your color (influence) in the companionship.
Now look at people around you. What do you talk when you are with them most of the time? There are three things – stuff or event, ideas or other people.
Some people like talking about stuff, a branded bag they just purchased, the latest gadget, the band new car, some are talking about the game they are playing. Average people talk about stuff or event. And some are talking about other people. They are called small people. What other people are doing or not doing, have or not have are completely their own business. These type of people mind other people’s business. This is the type of people you should avoid to be around.
It is said great people talk about ideas. They use their creative mind. Happiness lies in this. Contentment starts here. Not in stuff nor in a game. Happiness created through buying a brand new suff is just temporary. How long do you experience the happiness after you bought your new car?
If you want to become great, surround yourself with people who talk about visions and ideas. Not people. Not stuff nor event. Select the company you want to keep.
Listening is often said to be the missing part of a communication. For many people the ability to listen is not developed as much as the ability to speak. Many listen with the intent to reply not to understand as Steven Covey said. People are more interested to speak than to listen.
Why do we not listen actively? We listen only to the words that are being said. We don’t learn to listen behind the words that are being said. In Chinese language to listen is written in 3 symbols – ear, eye and heart. If any Chinese speaking reader here, please correct me if I am wrong. An active listening uses ear, eyes and also heart. An active listening is giving an undivided attention to the person who is speaking. You are completely present, physically and also mentally. Only then you can listen to the message that is not being said, what is behind the words.
In a survey words contribute 7%, intonation 38% and body language 55%. More messages are not expressed through words, or they can not be expressed through words. Words are not enough to express the feelings. Feeling can be so deep, while words are limited.
One needs to use the eyes to obseve the body language of the speaker, and the heart to catch the feeling. Ears are not enough. Many use the ears more than the heart and eyes. They are more ready to listen to the words which contributes only 7% to listening. This is why misunderstanding or miscommunication often happen.
To listen through your heart you need silence. It is the mind that needs to be silent, then the heart will follow. Many find it very difficult to make their minds silent. It takes time to practise. The minds have been constantly so busy. Start listening to your own mind, know exactly what you are thinking, just observe what is happening inside your head. be a detached observer, not a judgemental observer. You will notice the mind starts becoming silent. And when your mind is silent, calm and peaceful. Your heart opens for others. You are ready to listen.
One of the skills or competencies that is needed in the work place or in a relationship is communication skill. Many people think communication skill is the ability to speak. In fact communication skill requires two abilities, speaking and also listening. That is why many have learned how to speak well. They attend speaking courses. But I never heard any listening courses. There are many talk shows but no listen shows. Many create podcasts or YouTube channels for them to communicate through speaking. Surely they need someone to listen and watch.
The ability to listen is often the missing one in communication. How often misunderstanding takes place due to this? This misunderstanding is due to lack of the ability to listen. The message is not properly understood. Communication is always in two ways. If someone is speaking and there is no one around, then no one is listening. It is not called a communication. No message reaches anyone (the listener).
Interestingly we have two ears, two eyes and one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we speak. Let’s start listening. I believe that all those good speakers were once good listeners. All good communicators were once good listeners.
This pandemic has changed almost every aspect of our life. If you are working in an office, you might notice some changes made to adapt to the situation. Everbody has adopted a new norm.
In my office, we are not allowed to have our breakfast or lunch in the pantry. This is to practice a physical distancing. The pantry is designed like a cafe, so we used to enjoy being there. It had become a place for socializing among colleagues. Some also enjoyed having a meeting there, more casual. We also have to bring our own utensils. Some colleagues start bringing their lunch boxes from home. It is considered to be safer than having it from the nearest restaurant or food court nowadays. And I also noticed some consider having lunch in their cars. is a choice while the pantry is closed.
In fact I have been doing both since long before the pandemic – bring my lunch and have it in my car. The reason is that I am a vegetarian, it is not easy to find vegetarian menu from the nearest food court. Secondly I don’t like carrying my lunch box up while carrying a shoulder bag and my laptop. It is more simple to leave my much box in the car and have it there at lunch time.
The other thing that has changed in my office is the after office activity. We used to practice playing table tennis after office hour. We used to enjoy it so much. We have an inspiration room and in one end of the room, we have our table tennis. We also had league for this as well. It was really fun. It was so good for releasing stress. And it has been closed since the pandemic began. We miss this a lot.
I just finished reading a post by a blogger. He wrote his air trip recently. It was his first air trip during the pandemic, after literally one year. He wrote in his post that he made 75 flights in 90 days only before the pandemic. Reading his post, it reminded me of my last air trip. It was in December 2019. I never thought that it would have been this long not to make any trip. A friend who regularly had a vacation at least twice a year also said to me that she has not made any traveling.
What do you miss with a flight? and what do you do when you miss flying? Usually I love every part of a traveling, especially of my vacation. From making a list of what I need to bring for the traveling, packing stuff, heading to the airport, waiting for the boarding, the flight, reaching the destination till making my way back home. I enjoyed each and every part of it. I remember something ridiculous I made on my way back home after a year end trip. I just didn’t want to finish the joy of that trip too soon, that I decided to sit in a coffee shop at the airport from 10 am till 4 pm.
So I miss everything of a traveling. Another ridiculous thing I made when I missed traveling was having apple juice. I ussually put it in a fridge before I enjoy drinking it. I never bought packed apple juice before, I always prefer having fresh juice than having this packed juice. Why did I do this? This was the drink I usually had when I was on a flight.
The flight attendant said ‘We have apple juice, orange juice and guava juice. What do you want to have, madam?’ And I always said ‘Apple juice, please.’
What can you expect from a small heart? If your heart is small, you can not expect an abundant love. Your heart is where you can generate true love abundantly. Love that flows from the inside out. It is said if you want love, give it. Love is to be shared not to be taken. Energy attracts energy. So love attracts love. But when your heart is small, it can only love conditionally. You put conditions in giving your love to others. ‘I love you, if you also love me.’ ‘I love you, if you do what I say.’ ‘I love you this much, and you should also love me back this much.’ It becomes like a business deal. It is definitely not a true love. A true love never expects anything in return. You just give it (the energy).
A conditional love is like a tap. You can turn it on and also turn it off. ‘I can love you, but I also can stop loving you.’
Make you heart so big that you can generate so much love. A big heart filled with love is a contented heart, a happy heart. Your heart is not needy for love.
Valentine Day is the day of love. It is the day to love. To love means to let the love flow from your heart. Love is an energy. It is generated in the heart. Energy flows. It flows from the inside out. Let the energy flow. Don’t keep your heart closed. Open your heart. Express the love inside.
Every heart has the capacity to love. To love also means to connect, to give, to share. Not to take and keep it for yourself. Love becomes very limited if you do that. This energy is meant to flow. Don’t stop the flow. So it needs an open heart. A closed heart can not give love nor accept love from other hearts.
So check your heart right now. Does it generate love or stop generating love? Is your heart full of love or not? Love is self-generated. You are not meant to expect someone to give you love. It is said If you want love, give it. Only when you have love in your heart that you can give it to others, then your heart is ready accept love from others too. But when you do not have love at the first place, even if others offer you love, you won’t accept it.
I remember I was meeting with a friend. We were sitting in a coffee shop. It happened before the pandemic. Both of us are interested in journaling. We were sharing about how we were doing our journaling. When I was talking suddenly she stopped me and said to me “Tini, I think you have a very good energy.” I realize that whenever I am talking about journaling, I always speak with a great interest. Because I am so passionate about it. When there is passion, there is love, happiness and enthusiasm. This generates energy. People can feel this energy.
Each one of us vibrates energy to the atmosphere every moment, whether we are speaking or not. Each one of us contributes to the atmosphere. Thought is energy. Our mind never stops generating thoughts. Our being (consciousness) is constantly generating this energy to the atmosphere. This vibration creates frequency. The higher the consciousness, the higher the frequency that is created. What thoughts have high frequency? Thought of peace, happiness, love etc. What thoughts have low vibration? Thought of regret, guilt, anger, blame, fear, shame etc.
What thoughts and vibrations are created around the world collectively for the past one year? probably of worries, of uncertainties, of fear. The world now needs high vibration. Vibe so high!
Who wants to live abundantly? Everybody wants to have an abundant life. To have an abundant life means to experience that I have nothing lacking in my life. To experience gratitude more often. I think it has to do with mindset. It is about how you create it in your mind and then feel it in your heart – having an abundant mindset and a big heart.
A few months ago I joined a 21 Days challenge of abundance with friends and I thought to rerun this challenge for myself. I call it as Abundance Project. Since I do it personally, I don’t have to follow the original guidance of this challenge. I do not make it into 21 days either. It is more than 30 days now. I still do not know when to finish it. I free myself for this. This project is more about a morning reflection on this topic everyday and put it in writing. I go into the depth of the different aspects of this topic. Write different thoughts of abundance. It helps me to see abundance in life within me, around me, in nature and in time of the past, the present and the future. If you can see abundance, your heart will become content. You develop gratitude. Where there is contentment, all the other inner powers will come.
Today is the last day of 2020. How are you going to finish this year? For the last one year we have been haunted by covid so much and it is still haunting our days ahead. It doesn’t have a deadline. 2020 has become a difficult year for many of us. There has been a big change in how we live today from the way we lived last year. This situation has made us to make some adjustment. Each one of us has developed the power to adjust ourselves to the situations. This is the power of the soul. With this power you can accept the situation easily, you also develop patience. It is a strength, an inner strength.
This virus is infecting the body, the lung and the respiratory system. It is not infecting the spirit, unless you allow it. You can remain strong mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Keep your spirit very strong and finish 2020 strong.