This is what is called life

A long time friend has just visited me. She is married with two children. They have grown up, so when I offered her to come to my house and spend the night during weekend just for something different, she quickly agreed. She said that the children didn’t mind at all.

Are you a morning person or an evening person?

We spent every morning going in the botanical garden near my place for enjoying the nature. I think everyone agrees that nature is a quick mood booster at least both of us found it true.

She is an evening person, it means that she really likes enjoying evening. She wanted to spend the evening sitting in my veranda and said “Evening is very short. It will turn into dark very soon.” I was smiling in fact listening to her reasoning. I think I am a more morning person. I enjoy morning time more than any other time during the day. Morning time is my most productive time, ideas seem to flow in my mind, sometimes best decision I made in the morning. I don’t want to miss my morning time. It is my precious time, my valuable treasure more than anything else. We can not buy time.

As a morning person and almost everyday spend the evening working at office, I could not understand the beauty of evening time. I rarely enjoyed my evening relaxing, being in nature. I also don’t understand some people enjoy sun gazing in the evening. It is the moment of sunset. I think the sunrise in the morning is more beautiful.

When I joined my friend sitting next to her enjoying the evening, she said “This is what is called life.” I looked at her and feel amazed.

This is what has led me to journaling

Very recently I was invited to give a sharing session by a company for their managers. It has become a regular event in the company as development program for their employees. I talked to the general manager of the company and asked about the topic they wanted me to share. In corporates, the most popular topic is related to soft competencies like leadership, communication, decision making, coaching etc. I am aware that many people out there are probably better than me in delivering those topics. I reluctantly offered the general manager if I could share on dealing emotions through journaling. I think it is not a popular topic in corporate, at least here. Somebody said to me that writing is not popular in most Asian countries. Surprisingly he was interested to this topic.

I said to myself “from now on, I need to know each and every expectation I have created”

I was very excited preparing the presentation. I focused on the audiences, what they might need relating to deal with emotions in their day-to-day life in office. No one is free from negative emotions. Ussully the trigger is the people they work with, either their co-workers, subordinates, bosses or even customers and clients.

I remember what has brought me to journaling was also from a situation in office. In fact I have to thank to my co-worker who had taken a credit from me in a meeting and it triggered my emotion. I realized I was feeling very uncomfortable and low. I also remember I said to myself “I need to do something”. Surely not paying back to her, but dealing the feeling inside. and I didn’t know what to do at that time. Similar situation might be reoccurring in office and I don’t like the feeling. The situation in the meeting and the feeling have led me to a book on how to deal with negative emotion. This book said that the reason of each and every negative emotion is an expectation. This was just the book I needed to read. Probably God has arranged it for me and given me a way.

I said to myself “Okay, from now on I need to know each and every expectation I created that had triggered my emotion”. And not only knowing it, but also writing it. Since then I have been processing my emotions and expectation in writing.

When the war doesn’t stop

No one likes war. Many people are suffering due to a war. Thousands people have left their homes for safety. Thousands people become refugees.

Only a few days after the invasion someone shared to me an invitation for a global meditation for Ukraine. The program was organized from Kyiv. It was a non-stop program for a few days where everybody from all corners of the globe could share their good feelings to souls who were suffering. Being in that ZOOM meeting I felt that we are one big family. We are brothers. The globe is one big house for all of us. We could feel the suffering. We were empowering them with our good wishes and pure feelings. A world map with Ukraine in a spotlight was being shared on the screen during the session. Many of us might never been in this country, we might have no idea where Ukraine is, but in soul level I could feel the connection. I could feel the vibration. We still can share our pure feelings and vibration to the souls there. Your contribution will never miss. No physical power can stop this giving and taking. Not guns nor missile. So keep sending. Keep giving.

Can you feel that you are sharing the same feeling with them?

The other day when I just opened my mobile phone the first message in that day I received was from my good friend. It said “I truly hope that we can hear war stop news today.” He might have been reading news about the war a lot. Many of us can not stop the war. Only a few people can do it, if they have the intention.

The war is still going on till today, more and more people are suffering. Don’t lose hope, there is still something we can do – keep sending good wishes for everybody. Although we are miles away from one another but we can still share the same thought.

The spontaneity is lost

A friend was telling me about her 12 years old daughter. She has been showing some rebellious acts recently. And it has made her so worried. I met this teenaged girl a few years ago when she was only seven. She was just so adorable to me. She had a very kind and gentle heart, a super loving girl. I think my friend is a wonderful mom for her kids. She teaches good values to them since very young age. She gives them so much love as well as teaches them discipline. It was very obvious to me in her kids. I find in many children this pure and innocent personality. There is so much spontaneity.

This personality is expressed genuinely till they become teenagers. Then everything changes. The consciousness starts processing self-identity. Children don’t need to process this, this is why children are more spontaneous. The ego starts to develop. Teenagers become more aware of themselves, of who they are, of what people may think about them. And they start comparing themselves to people a lot. This comparation often leads to the feelings of insecurities or arrogance in them. Insecurities and arrogance are the products of ego. Teenagers starts processing the identity of themselves, they start seeking in the adults around them. They are also seeking in their peers. Then they are processing it internally. They need the adults around them to understand and accept them. They need some approval and encouragement to make the internal process easier. So they feel supported and loved. This is what they need.

My friend wanted me to talk to her daughter. I tried to understand her phase and situation. I didn’t want to preach her of course. I knew it was not what she needed. I reminded her how I saw her when she was much younger as a super loving and kind girl. I reminded her of how much I loved her.

This world nowadays might be very hard on young people especially for those who are still going through this internal process of seeking.

Namaste

This word of namaste has been so familiar among colleagues in my office. It has been frequently used. Everytime I tell them of taking leaves, especially for a vacation, they will quickly say that I am going for a namaste. For them namaste is to meditate in a quiet place or in nature. It is so funny.

Namaste is used to show a respect

They also have been using this word to remind anyone of us who starts  losing control our emotion during working hours. If anyone in the room starts speaking on the phone in an angry tone, usually speaking to another colleague from different division, she might be speaking loudly or even shouting, then another colleague in the room will remind her saying ‘namaste’. Namaste here means ‘be peaceful’.

Of course they do not know the exact meaning of namaste. They only relate this word of namaste to the practice of meditation or yoga. They can relate a meditation is a practice to become peaceful. This is what they understand. I am not really sure what is in their mind or what they imagine when someone is doing namaste. I remember when I joined a yoga class in a fitness center long time ago, the yoga instructor also ended the yoga session with cooling down through being mindful of our breath with a little bit of reflection. And at the very end of this session she would say namaste.

I also knew namaste from my meditation class. It is the word used by God to show His respect to us. God is so humble that He puts us higher than Himself. He has the greatest personality of all. It is also the way He shows His love to us.

My squishy

What do you do when you have to wait? Nobody likes waiting. But when you are on an air trip, you will have to go in a queu after a queu. And it means you have to wait a lot. You probably have to queu to scan your barcode to enter the airport building, the you have to queu to check your luggage, then you have to queu at the check-in counter, you have to queu to go inside after passing the check-in counter, plus you have to queu to declare your electronic health application, then you have to queu to board on the plane. Queu after queu after queu….

If you have have to transit at the airport before continuing your next flight or probably your flight get delayed, and you have to wait for quite a while what do you usually do while waiting? Long before covid when I was in a transit at an airport for several hours I was sitting in a lounge, a very nice lounge. It was an international airport. Very busy airport. Many flights from different continents transited there. I saw a young woman carrying a yoga mat in the lounge. She was practising a little bit of yoga exercise in the lounge. The lounge was quite big and cozy and not crowded. I thought it was a brilliant idea to have yoga exercise during transit. It is especially very good if you are on a long flight. The body need some exercice.

I never do that actually, but I remember I always carried with me a squeshy. I had a strawberry-shaped one. Not quite big but it suited to my palm. I noticed by squeezing that squishy could give me some comfortable feelings. it brought calmness in me. I could play with it during my transit or waiting period. I didn’t need a big space to play with it. It is also a bit of exercise for me. I remember when we were traveling in a big group and I played the squishy with a friend while waiting our boarding time. It was always fun! She said that her daughter loves squishy too. The squishy has broken long time ago and I got a new one but it was not as good as the first one. It was smaller than the first one. I wish I can get a new one.

It gives you a calm feeling!.

Modern airports usually provide cozy lounges or interesting spots. I found this interesting mural painting at the airport in Jakarta very recently.

Stop and have some fun here

another fun spot at airport

Look at this. It was painted on the wall along the corridor on the way to the baggage claim area. It looks fun, doesn’t it? Looking at the mural, I said to my friend to stop and I asked her to take these pictures for me. I always said to my self ‘You are free to do anything that makes yourself happy.’ It is including taking a picture with the mural painting. After taking some pictures I asked my friend to do the same. I could take some pictures for her. But she refused to do it. I jokingly said ‘By taking the picture with the mural painting, you won’t get older quite soon’. It may give a lot of fun to her too. Hearing this she just laughed at me. And I said ‘probably you won’t get older quite soon, but you will get crazy quite soon.’ I think she agreed with the humor and we laughed together.

Not a crazy rich

My short vacation a few weeks ago was just too nice to remember. It was so memorable. Probably because I made it unhurried one. I didn’t focus on the destination (the place we were going to visit), but I enjoyed the journey (the process) to that place. It is always the journey that takes longer time and energy. So better do not miss it.

I remember I told this to my friend ‘You are too focused on the destination. Enjoy the journey.’ She is a task-oriented person. She likes planning, which is also good. She was the one who kept reminding me to take Covid-19 test the day before our flight back. Not only reminding, but also searching for the clinic and arranging it.

I also remember, a colleague texted me one morning, very early morning ‘How is Ubud?’

Me : ‘Great!’
Then I sent him the picture below and ask him: ‘Does it look like a vacation of a crazy rich?’

He: ‘No!!!’
Me : ‘Why?’
He : ‘A crazy rich will wear a bikini.’

Does it look like a crazy rich’s?

Probably a crazy rich won’t go to a forest or village like me, they will go to an island and stay in a luxurious resort with private beach and yes, wear bikinis. 😊

In term of the feeling of happiness, is it same happiness of a crazy rich and non-crazy rich same? Is its degree same or not?

Happiness has to do with the state of mind (probably also the sate of heart), it has nothing to do with physical wealth. Mind and heart are in soul. They are non-physical.

I said in my heart ‘I am not a crazy rich but spiritually rich.’

My unhurried trip

Have you had any vacation during this pandemic? If you had one, how was your vacation? Did you take an air trip? Is there any difference?

I was having my vacation last week, during the weekend. It was more like a short break for me. It was my first vacation for the last two years. I experienced myself to be in a ‘physical lockdown’ due to the pandemic. No trip at all. So I was very excited.

I was in this trip with a friend. The beauty of having a travel buddy is that we can share. My friend did the flight booking and I did the hotel booking and car rental. We shared a room. We shared itinerary. We decided where to go together, but I let her make the detail itinerary. Luckily both of us are quite flexible people. I think we have become a nice travel buddy to each other.

An unhurried trip

I called it an unhurried trip. Although it was just a very short, but I wanted to experience it as a relaxing vacation. I expected a lot from this. I told my friend things I wanted to do and enjoy during our vacation. Just to make her understand her travel buddy. I tried to be open about everthing to her as much as possible. I told her that I would do my morning meditation, journaling and yoga exercise. So I brought a yoga mat with me. We are flexible people. We didn’t have to attach to each other all the time. One morning I went to a meditation class and she went to a new coffee shop that she was really curious about. She enjoyed her breakfast there. The day before we went to that coffee shop but it was fully booked. It looked very nice, in the middle of the forest in Ubud.

My morning tracking

Nature never fails to make you refreshed.

This is a break for the soul, so refreshing. We enjoyed the nature so much. I enjoyed the morning tracking. I really loved it.  We enjoyed mountain, lake, forest and also paddy field. I kept reminding myself that it was the journey for the soul, not just a physical journey. It is the soul that creates the experience. It is the soul that is filled with nice feelings – relaxed, unhurried, unoccupied. It is a real break when the mind stop rushing.

Exploring the self

I think it is a never ending process. Probably a life long journey for many of us. But let me tell you, it is a worthed journey to take. A very rewarding journey. It takes so much of your patience and your persistence to keep going. Don’t stop till you get what you search for.

I realize the need to explore the spirit within when I was in my early twenties. At that time I didn’t have any ide of being a spirit at all. What I knew was that I was yearning something but I couldn’t define what it was. I was introduced to meditation. I would have to say that meditation is probably the only way that helped me to find what I had been yearning. But it never happens over night. It took so much effort. I have been practicing meditation for a long long time, but to be frank with you I only made an intense effort for the last seven years.  When I consciously put all my effort on this journey and enjoyed it, I could finally say that I have attained what I had been yearning. what have I attained through meditation and through my constant effort? the answer is my self-respect. Yes, I have got my self respect back. There is so much contentment inside. When there is contentment, the spirit is experiencing the fullness. Only when you are content inside or completely full inside, you will remain stable and nothing or none can shake you inside. No matter how chaotic the situation around you or in the world, if you keep the oasis of peace within you, you will remain uninfluenced. You will become the oasis for people around you to seek peace. You will move with so much courage and hope to those who are helpless. The world will need this more and more.

If you are in a journey of exploring yourself, keep doing it and never stop.

Forget the numbers

When I got covid-19 and just got tested, it said that my CT level was only 14. It was very low. The lowest among anyone I knew who got covid-19. I was introduced to start knowing some numbers. The body temperature, the pulse rate and also the oxygen saturation. All is indicated in numbers. I had an oxymeter to check the oxygen saturation and pulse with me. I heard from people the oxygen saturation tends to drop in covid patients. and when it drops to 90 or 85, one needs oxygen. The virus infects the lungs and quickly affect the respiratory system. Most of the covid patients experience shortness of breath, including me.

Bye oxymeter!

It should be checked regularly to know whether the patient need oxygen or not. Every time I checked my oxygen saturation that little monitor showed numbers, it kept changing from 99, 98, 97, 97,95, then 94. It takes a little bit of time to finally stop and show a number of oxygen saturation level. If you are the patient, that few seconds can make so panicked and restless. It was said that you need to be cautious if it goes down below 95. In such a situation, I decided not to check it again. I just didn’t want to know it anymore. Much later a friend who shared her story to me, taking care of four people in her family who got covid at the same time said that she became very stressful hearing the word oxygen saturation. The four people had to be hospitalized and all needed oxygen. The sad story was that one of them died, her brother in law.

The only thing that I kept with me is a thermometer. It was to check my body temperature. I needed to know if I still needed to take paracetamol or not. Covid-19 might not a simple disease. But I didn’t want to get myself complicated with those numbers and get stressed and worried. Worries would never help me. So I chose not to be worried.