When I got covid-19 and just got tested, it said that my CT level was only 14. It was very low. The lowest among anyone I knew who got covid-19. I was introduced to start knowing some numbers. The body temperature, the pulse rate and also the oxygen saturation. All is indicated in numbers. I had an oxymeter to check the oxygen saturation and pulse with me. I heard from people the oxygen saturation tends to drop in covid patients. and when it drops to 90 or 85, one needs oxygen. The virus infects the lungs and quickly affect the respiratory system. Most of the covid patients experience shortness of breath, including me.
It should be checked regularly to know whether the patient need oxygen or not. Every time I checked my oxygen saturation that little monitor showed numbers, it kept changing from 99, 98, 97, 97,95, then 94. It takes a little bit of time to finally stop and show a number of oxygen saturation level. If you are the patient, that few seconds can make so panicked and restless. It was said that you need to be cautious if it goes down below 95. In such a situation, I decided not to check it again. I just didn’t want to know it anymore. Much later a friend who shared her story to me, taking care of four people in her family who got covid at the same time said that she became very stressful hearing the word oxygen saturation. The four people had to be hospitalized and all needed oxygen. The sad story was that one of them died, her brother in law.
The only thing that I kept with me is a thermometer. It was to check my body temperature. I needed to know if I still needed to take paracetamol or not. Covid-19 might not a simple disease. But I didn’t want to get myself complicated with those numbers and get stressed and worried. Worries would never help me. So I chose not to be worried.
This pandemic has changed almost every aspect of our life. If you are working in an office, you might notice some changes made to adapt to the situation. Everbody has adopted a new norm.
In my office, we are not allowed to have our breakfast or lunch in the pantry. This is to practice a physical distancing. The pantry is designed like a cafe, so we used to enjoy being there. It had become a place for socializing among colleagues. Some also enjoyed having a meeting there, more casual. We also have to bring our own utensils. Some colleagues start bringing their lunch boxes from home. It is considered to be safer than having it from the nearest restaurant or food court nowadays. And I also noticed some consider having lunch in their cars. is a choice while the pantry is closed.
In fact I have been doing both since long before the pandemic – bring my lunch and have it in my car. The reason is that I am a vegetarian, it is not easy to find vegetarian menu from the nearest food court. Secondly I don’t like carrying my lunch box up while carrying a shoulder bag and my laptop. It is more simple to leave my much box in the car and have it there at lunch time.
The other thing that has changed in my office is the after office activity. We used to practice playing table tennis after office hour. We used to enjoy it so much. We have an inspiration room and in one end of the room, we have our table tennis. We also had league for this as well. It was really fun. It was so good for releasing stress. And it has been closed since the pandemic began. We miss this a lot.
I make this time to revisit my heart, the spirit inside. It has been sitting there for such a long time. I have been very busy listening the noise of my ego in my head. I have been neglecting myself. I have started believing what my ego said to me and it has completely made my heart weak and broken.
I make this time to sit with my true self, and listen. I open my heart. I feel very confortable.
It speaks very gently to me: “You are very special. You are loveable. You are here to share your love. Open your heart and express your love. Let the energy flow from the inside out”
It is so empowering and encouraging.
I can feel the energy of love fills my heart. I feel myself empowered.
Now I invite the Greatest Healer to fill my heart with His healing energy. I keep my heart open for His pure loving energy. His love is unconditional. His love is permanent and so uplifting. He has a very loving heart to everybody. I can trust Him. I have nothing to hide from Him. I let Him help me in this healing process. I keep His company with me.
The feeling becomes stronger and stronger. This genuine love puts all the pieces of my heart together. It heals the wounds and the scars. My heart become whole again.
Can a heart become empty? Sure. Have you experienced your heart empty? How did you feel it? You did not like it, did you?
When my heart is empty, I will expect someone to fill it with love. I am craving for love constantly until my heart is full. Love is the energy that is needed by the heart. The energy to live. Noone can live without this energy. And when someone gives me love, because my heart is empty, I will become selfish with that love. All I can think is that ‘You are loving me. You are supporting me. You are caring for me.’ At the same time I am creating fear in my heart. Fear of losing the person who gives me love, the source of my love. When there is fear, love won’t exist. Because love exists in the absence of fear. Both can not exist at the same time.
If you want to free yourself from craving for love from people, what you need to do is to deal with your empty heart. Make it full with love. Do you know how to make your heart full? You heart has the capacity to generate love. So do it. Learn this skill to generate love from within and make your heart full with love till stop craving for love. You will stop expecting love from anyone. You won’t create a dependent love on someone. You will keep giving love instead and stop creating fear.
Everyone might have experienced their hearts broken. Everyone’s heart has become so fragile and weak. This is not our physical heart, but our non-physical heart. How to fix this broken heart? In fact the heart is you yourself, the one who says ‘my heart is broken’. It is the living spirit who resides in your physical body. It is the spirit who use the body. The body is like a vehicle for the spirit. You can not touch it, but you can feel it so real. because it is you, how can you not feel it so real? This spirit has broken into pieces. How to fix this spirit then? or in other words, how to fix you?
Only you have the access into it. Only you can open it. Only you can bring all the pieces together again and make it whole again. Embrace all the pieces and start the healing. Take the healing energy from the Greatest Healer. Open your heart and let Him heal you. Let Him fill your heart with His purest healing power.
Let there be only you and Him in this healing process. Only you and the Greatest Healer.
Have you ever joined any challenge? What challenge did you join?
When the challenge is for 21 days, then it takes commitment to complete. Usually many people drop themselves a long the way. It is like creating a new habit. It takes persistence to really make one. Once you made it, you can feel ‘a big success’. You appreciate yourselves more.
A friend invited me to join a 21 days challenge of abundance. We completed this challenge last week. This is not a physical challenge. It is a challenge for reflecting on abundance everyday for 21 days, different aspects of abundance. we were given a daily task to complete and we had to share in the group when we completed the task before 9 am the next day. So you have 24 hours to work on your task. Abundance is an interesting topic to reflect on each one. Each one of us wants to live our life abundantly. So I found it was fun to complete the daily task. We had to reflect on different aspects of abundance in our day to day life through contemplating, writing and drawing.
There are two levels of an abundant life to work on, physical or material level and mental level. We had to work on our money, our bill, our debt and how we ‘see’ it and relate to it. We draw notes, checks, stocks, bonds etc. We had to work on our relationships with people in our life, some might not work well and we need to fix them by creating a specific daily action. We had also to ask ourselves of the highest intention in life.
21 Days is not enough for me to work on abundance and become abundant. So I need to rerun this challenge myself in the nearest future. I did not really put myself fully in the last 21 days.
This challenge was in fact created by Deepak Chopra, a very famous author. You might have read his books.
What do you learn from this coronavirus outbreak? If you are infected by this virus, I am sure that you learn a lot while you are going through your medication and treatment. Whether we are infected or not, we have to deal with our fear and worries caused by this virus. The virus is very tiny and invisible yet it scares everyone. It has creates worries and fear in everyone.
It definitely teaches us something. We might have to make a shift in our life, in physical level, mental level or spiritual level. We might realise some truth. Coronavirus might have become our teacher, the hardest one. We are all students. This might be one of the hardest lessons these days. Noone can escape from this lesson. You need to pay a full attention to the teacher. Listen to the teacher very well. Undertsand what the teacher is trying to teach. Don’t be afraid while taking the lesson. Be alert but don’t be afraid. Stay calm.
During these days we are exposed with information on coronavirus so much. It has created so much fear in people. We are not only fighting the coronavirus but also the fear in each one of us. Coronavirus infects the body and fear infects the soul. We and the world are now fighting against the coronavirus, but each one of us is fighting against the internal virus in the soul. We are strongly requested to stay clean – to wash our hands often and to put on mask to protect ourself from this virus.
But how to protect the soul from the fear? The body has its immune system to fight any virus or bacteria in the body. We are suggested to eat healthy food and have enough good sleep for keeping the immune of the body. The soul also has its immune system to fight against the fear. Good thoughts are the best nutrition for the soul. Have enough good thoughts during the day. Nurture your mind with high quality thoughts. Don’t let any mundane and ordinary thoughts take space in your mind. The mind is the laboratory to invent the anti vaccine for the virus. Really make time to stay introverted and work in your inner laboratory. Invent your own vaccine. Don’t forget to keep your laboratory very clean.
How much do you have to do this during these days and many days ahead? The world needs this so much.
When I conduct a journaling workshop, I always encourage the participants to practice writing right away. I usually ask them to remember one particular situation that happened recently that created a very strong feeling. When the feeling is strong enough then it is very easy to start writing it out. It could be positive feeling or negative feeling.
Most of the people find it a lot easier to write the negative one and it is okay. A participant expressed disagreement to me when it came to write a negative feeling. She said that by remembering a negative feeling and writing it, the feeling would become even stronger. Then it is against the purpose of journaling. Because the purpose of journaling is in fact to finish the negative feelings and empower the self.
How can journaling finish the negative feeling and empower the self? When you are writing a journal, you need to sit on the seat of the ‘real I’. You are listening to the ‘false I’, either the ‘depressed I’ or ‘the arrogant I’. This ‘false I’ is in fact the ego. The ego is false. It is the ego that creates the negative feeling. Let the ’false I’ speak about the situation and feeling clearly and honestly and let ‘the real I’ listen. She is a good listener. She is very patient, mature and wise. She always listens very carefully. When the ‘false I’ finishes speaking, let the ‘real I’ speak or share some wisdom to your situation. Let her empower you.
You are not the feeling. You are the creator of the feeling. The feeling is your creation, but your creation is not you. You will become very clear about this. You are distanced from your feeling. You are detached from your feeling. Because you are detached from the feeling, so you can observe the creation better. You can write it in a detached way.
When you write your journal in this detached way, as if you are an observer of what is happening inside you, the feeling will become weaker and the ‘real I’ become stronger. Become a detached observer. It is said that emotion dies under observation.
When someone asked me how to start writing, I said : “Just write what you see, what you hear and what you feel.” You don’t need to be very creative to start writing. And you don’t need to have a talent to do it either. You only need an intention. Because writing is a skill, so everyone can develop this skill through practice. Just like speaking. Each one of us learned to speak when we were very small and we can speak now, we can express our thought and feeling through speaking. In the same way, writing is also a skill, it is also expressing thoughts and feelings. Everybody can express one’s thought and one’s feeling through writing.
You do not need to worry when you express your thought and feeling. Remember that you are writing for yourself. You are not writing for someone else to read. Liberate yourself from any worry or fear of being commented by anyone, being judged by anyone. In fact no one can criticize what you express, because your thoughts and feelings are always personal and nothing is wrong. To write them down is to be honest to the self. When you are honest to yourself, you will feel very comfortable with yourself. Start writing and start expressing what is inside you.
The mind keeps thinking all the time. It never stops. When you express it in writing, the mind slows down its speed. It becomes much lighter, not heavy.