Reflection

Dealing with loss

Last week was probably the hardest week for my friend. She just lost her husband after being hospitalized for almost a week. He left his body at the age of 41. A quite sudden loss. He was hospitalized due to dengue fever. Since he was admitted at the hospital, he was treated in the intensive care unit due to low oxygen saturation.

She is actually my colleague. We could feel her feeling from day one of the hospitalization, from emotion to emotion, fear to fear. We went to the hospital to give her support. We also went to his funeral.  We understand it was not easy for her. We wanted to see her strong. I think without saying it, she knows that we care for her so much. I am also sure that she has the strength to carry her life ahead.

Each and everyone of us might have experienced loss, if not yet we surely will. Death is something certain to come to every living being on earth. Dare to live and also dare to die. These two come as couple. We just don’t know the timing.

This loss has reminded me that actually we can not possess anything nor anyone in this world. Everything we can see through our eyes is temporary. To be temporary means there will come the time to leave or be left. Till the time comes, it is better to prepare it. Keep reminding not to attach your heart to anything that is temporary. If you need attach your heart, then attach it to something permanent, something that won’t leave you, something that makes you strong.

Reflection

The 3 steps to experience love

If relationship with others can not give me love that is permanent then I need to work on the other sources of love, having relationship with God and with the self.

To have a relationship with God, firstly we need to know and secondly we need to believe in Him.

Everyone of us might know God. At least religion has taught us this. We could understand God quite quickly. It doesn’t take time. Perhaps we also believe in Him. It is also very easy.

But that is not enough. To know and to believe is not enough. It doesn’t guarantee you to experience a relationship with Him. It doesn’t guarantee you to experience love from Him. The process of knowing and believing takes place in our head. It is very often so theoritical. God as a concept. While to experience love is practical. The feeling is real. God is not a concept. He is a Spiritual Being like us.

So the third step is to experience Him in a relationship. This step probably takes a long time. It requires so much patience.

How to really have this feeling of love? Put what you have understood about Him into your practical life, on your day-to-day basis. Keep experimenting on this. Only through an experiment by experiment you can really experience God’s love. Challenge yourself by asking provocative questions on what you have understood about God, what you have believed in Him. Reflect those questions again and again.

Once you taste His love, it is fulfilling your heart’s desire for love. There is no better love than this love.

When you taste this true love, your search for temporary love from human being will end. You won’t depend on anyone for givibg you love. When you are in relationship with anyone, you are not seeking love but giving love.

Reflection

Why do we need a relationship?

Everyone needs a relationship. Is there anyone who doesn’t need a relationship? How is it like to have a life without any relationship? Probably lonely and so boring.

Why do we need a relationship? I think it is because we experience love through relationship. Everybody needs love. Everybody wants to be loved and also to love.

This need for love is probably the first need for each and every human soul. When this need is not fulfilled, the mind is restless, non-stop seeking and the heart is empty. And when this need is fulfilled, the mind stops searching and the heart is full.

How do you fulfill this desire? You probably also search through relationship with someone. Very often a relationship makes someone dependent on whom they have a relationship with. It is not liberating. It is an emotional attachment. When there is dependency, there is always a fear of losing. The desire for love is not fulfilled permanently.

There are 3 sources of love, from whom you can experience love. Firstly is from others and you know that it is not permanent. Secondly is from the self. This will not create dependency. It it fulfilling. It creates true self respect. It is more permanent. And thirdly is from God. It is very liberating. God’s love is liberating the soul, it doesn’t create any dependency.

You can make yourself full through experimenting the second and third sources of love.

What do you think how to experience this love from yourself and God practically in your life?

Journal of the day

You are infinite

Do you like going to a museum? What do you enjoy most when you are in a museum? When was your last museum visit? I think those who are interested in history would love going to a museum.

A friend of mine has a very great interest in history and this interest had led her to travel probably around the world. She had visited Cu Chi tunnel in Vietnam and also Machu Piccu in Peru. She would be very enthusiastic explaining those kind of historical places everytime I asked her to share.

I am not really interested in history. I have visited some museums here, but not all museums. I think my understanding art is too shallow. Last week I went to a contemporary art museum with a friend. I was curious to know what a contemporary art was like. They mostly displayed current artworks, I suppose the artists are still alive and even still creating some artworks. The museum has more than 800 collection from so many different artists to be displayed, but they don’t display all collections at the same time. They change the layout and also the artworks periodically. As soon as I entered the room, I could feel the sense of being “contemporary”. I could sense the difference from the conventional one. The museum is on the third floor. Almost half of the floor was closed for preparing a solo exhibition which would be opened in a few days.

Actually I knew this museum since a few years ago from a friend when it was just newly opened, but I was just not interested to visit till a friend from different city came and he is a graphic designer. I thought he might be interested in visiting a museum.

What I enjoyed the most in this museum was the Infinity Room. Each group of only 2 people maximum are allowed to be in the room with colorful lights. Each group was only given 30 seconds to be in the room to enjoy the beautiful and colorful lights. The feeling of being infinite was experienced by the eyes. Yes it had something to do with the eyes which sense this infinity. It seems it doesn’t have any end. To feel infinite is to be endless, no limit.

I remember that we are souls. Souls are infinite, whereas bodies are finite. As a soul we have no ends. Souls are on an eternal journey, taking one body, then leaving the body and taking another new body in a womb of a mother. It continues and never stops. By understanding this we develop fearlessness of death in our consciousness. Death is when the soul leaves the body with or without any reason. It is seen as a natural process

Reflection

Learn to forgive


A few weeks ago I gave a public talk on forgiveness. To be honest, this is the topic that I had avoided for so long. But I decided to take this topic to share to people. I decided to put the tittle ‘learn to forgive’ instead of ‘forgiveness’. To forgive is something I need to learn.

I heard from many people around me saying ‘God is forgiving. Why do we not forgive?’
I have the conviction that God never gets hurt. He doesn’t take sorrow from anyone’s behavior nor wrong doing in the first place. He doesn’t take time to forgive and also to forget it. His intellect is always accurate, He doesn’t keep any waste thoughts. His heart is always clean and pure. Nothing or no one can ever hurt Him. So He is definitely forgiving. But human beings are not God. We never become God. Our hearts easily get hurt probably because our hearts are so weak. We have lost so much power. We take a process to forgive, it means we take time. and it is OK, just keep taking the process. So we need to learn to forgive, and also forget.

My friend said that to forget someone’s mistake (probably also our own mistake) is the highest level of forgiveness. We need to do something to forgive, but I don’t think that we need to do something to forget. When you forget something happened in the past, you can not recall it anymore. It doesn’t exist anymore in your memory track. When the memory is too strong (probably also strongly hurt), usually the memory stays for a long time. And we can not forget it. If something reminds you of a situation that brings hurt, your emotion might get triggered. The whole story might come up on the screen of your mind. If you have got healed, the emotion won’t get triggered even if someone tries to remind you. You remember the situation, the memory is still there, but you no longer get triggered. I think it is also another level of forgiveness, before we forget it completely.

Now look at your heart. Ask your heart if you have completely forgiven everybody or you still learn to forgive. If you are still processing it, you still learn to forgive, you might need to forgive yourself first for this. Don’t put more burden on yourself by disliking yourself for still not being able to forgive others.

Journal of the day

Be ever ready

When I was giving an idea to a friend of having a hiking, she started browsing the place on instagram. It looked so cool on the instagram. As everyone might agree with me that everything put on instagram is suppossed to be instagramable enough. Only then it will attrack viewers.

My friend was  very excited, having her impression and also imagination of what she saw on instagram. She wanted to find the spot where the picture was taken. She actually didnt tell me about it until we finished our hike.

I was not fully recovered from covid-19 at that time. My body was not fully ready for a hike actually. I brought with me a trekking stick and I found it so useful. I walked slowly. I asked her to walk ahead of me and leave me as I needed to stop several times for a little bit of rest and also to enjoy the scenery and the morning breeze. She went ahead. She wanted to find the spot.

Take a pause, breath and enjoy…..

I didn’t reach the end of the trek. She made it but she couldn’t find the spot where the picture was taken. She just missed it. At the end of the trek, she said there was a restaurant. She told someone at the restaurant that she didn’t see the spot she was looking for showing the picture on instagra. It might have changed a bit, probably the grass or the trees had grown up taller or just trimmed or cut down. So she didn’t notice.

I think she was too focused on the goal and didn’t make herself ready for the outcome. Similarly in life we have to be ever ready for the outcome life may bring to us and not to be so attached to our goal. Take time to pause, breath and enjoy……

Journal of the day

How creative are you?


Do you consider yourself as a creative person? To be creative person means to become one who creates artwork. To be honest I am not. I am aware I am not good at creating any artwork. I think I don’t  have that talent. I can spend hours putting my thoughts in writing, but it is not an artwork. It is not a poem nor an essay. It is just a journal. There is no beauty in it, probably a clarity.

I have a friend who is very talented in drawing. Her drawing is just amazing. It looks like a 3D object. It looks so real. Below is one of her drawings.

Another friend is very good at patchwork. She made dolls, pillows, masks, cloth bags etc. She is just amazing at it. Another friend is very passionate in making cookies and cakes. Another friend is very good at playing classical piano. She even teaches piano to kids. I have tried all of that but none was good. I think I don’t have the talent.

I remember we were preparing a public program and a friend who was very good at decoration she was making flowers arrangement. I always enjoy flowers. I thought I wanted to help her. I had no sense at all in this. I helped cutting the stems for her. I didn’t dare to put them into the vase. I just gave her an assistance.

A few weeks ago we were having a long holiday. I thought I would learn something during the holiday. I just chose to learn flower arrangement. Below is my first flower arrangement after knowing the technique of clustering and layering the flowers. It doesn’t look so bad. At least now I know a bit of how to arrange flowers in a vase.

Journey

This is what is called life

A long time friend has just visited me. She is married with two children. They have grown up, so when I offered her to come to my house and spend the night during weekend just for something different, she quickly agreed. She said that the children didn’t mind at all.

Are you a morning person or an evening person?

We spent every morning going in the botanical garden near my place for enjoying the nature. I think everyone agrees that nature is a quick mood booster at least both of us found it true.

She is an evening person, it means that she really likes enjoying evening. She wanted to spend the evening sitting in my veranda and said “Evening is very short. It will turn into dark very soon.” I was smiling in fact listening to her reasoning. I think I am a more morning person. I enjoy morning time more than any other time during the day. Morning time is my most productive time, ideas seem to flow in my mind, sometimes best decision I made in the morning. I don’t want to miss my morning time. It is my precious time, my valuable treasure more than anything else. We can not buy time.

As a morning person and almost everyday spend the evening working at office, I could not understand the beauty of evening time. I rarely enjoyed my evening relaxing, being in nature. I also don’t understand some people enjoy sun gazing in the evening. It is the moment of sunset. I think the sunrise in the morning is more beautiful.

When I joined my friend sitting next to her enjoying the evening, she said “This is what is called life.” I looked at her and feel amazed.

Reflection

Jazz up your life

When I was sharing on dealing emotions through journaling, I shared the reasons for an emotion to be created. I think there are two reasons that causes an emotion. It is what may push your hot button. Your emotional button.

Firstly is expectation. It is an automatic process for many of us. We expect something to turn out as per what we have created in our mind. Many of us probably consider it to be natural to have an expectation of thing or a situation. But the more we repeat it in our mind, the more we think of it over and over again, we actually create a mental attachment to the output we want. And if it doesn’t turn out as per our expectation, we become annoyed or even frustrated. Then anger is created. Anger is very common emotion in our day to day life.

Jazz up your life!

Secondly is the awareness of mine or a sense of owning something or someone. Again this sense also creates mental attachment. I remember I owned a Honda Jazz long time ago. Around the year of 2005 up to 2008 Honda Jazz was very popular especially among young people. It was probably segmented for young people. and I also remember it’s tagline was “Jazz up your life”. This tagline not only communicated, but also hypnotized people’s subconscious mind really well. A very powerful tagline. The perception created about this car was being young and energetic. I had been so attached to this perception for a long time.

Until one day I was taking a ride with friends in someone’s car and hearing them talking about how good the car was. A different brand from what I owned. Noone said that Honda Jazz was not good in fact. Not at all! But I felt a bit disturbed by that conversation and I knew it was because I was still carrying mental attachment of owning that car or that perception of that car in my head, although I had sold the car at that time. I didn’t own that car anymore. The awareness of “my car”, or “my perception of that car” was still carried.

Reflection

The challenge of being single


A friend of mine visited me and stayed with me during weekend in my house. We hadn’t been in a contact for the last few years even before the pandemic. When I offered her a visit and stay with me during the weekend, she quickly agreed. She said “next weekend”. She was so excited. I was also excited to meet her again.
Understanding her situation being married and having two kids, I asked “Would it be okay with your husband and kids?” apparently her kids have now grown up. They are no longer kids. The first child is now a university student and her daughter is now at grade 12. They have that much understanding for  their mom. 

During her stay with me, both of us enjoyed our weekend together. We spent time together, chatting, going for an outdoor yoga, going for a morning walk and also cooking. I have been living alone in my little house.  She shared a lot about challenges she has been going through as a married woman and as a mother. I think spending sometime away from the family was quite a break for her.

She might have been observing me during her stay. She might be seeing the contrast between a marriage life and life of a single. I don’t see it. This observation might have led her to ask this question  ”What is the challenge of being single?”
To be honest I never thought about this. I didn’t know to response this question. When you never see any contrast of two different things, you won’t be questioning. You will consider everything happens in your life is what is supposed to happen and that is what you have to deal with. No questioning. With this attitude, you develop acceptance more quickly. When there is acceptance, you won’t consider something to be a challenge. A challenge means a problem to be solved. You will start focusing on solution, instead of problem.