When I was sharing on dealing emotions through journaling, I shared the reasons for an emotion to be created. I think there are two reasons that causes an emotion. It is what may push your hot button. Your emotional button.
Firstly is expectation. It is an automatic process for many of us. We expect something to turn out as per what we have created in our mind. Many of us probably consider it to be natural to have an expectation of thing or a situation. But the more we repeat it in our mind, the more we think of it over and over again, we actually create a mental attachment to the output we want. And if it doesn’t turn out as per our expectation, we become annoyed or even frustrated. Then anger is created. Anger is very common emotion in our day to day life.
Secondly is the awareness of mine or a sense of owning something or someone. Again this sense also creates mental attachment. I remember I owned a Honda Jazz long time ago. Around the year of 2005 up to 2008 Honda Jazz was very popular especially among young people. It was probably segmented for young people. and I also remember it’s tagline was “Jazz up your life”. This tagline not only communicated, but also hypnotized people’s subconscious mind really well. A very powerful tagline. The perception created about this car was being young and energetic. I had been so attached to this perception for a long time.
Until one day I was taking a ride with friends in someone’s car and hearing them talking about how good the car was. A different brand from what I owned. Noone said that Honda Jazz was not good in fact. Not at all! But I felt a bit disturbed by that conversation and I knew it was because I was still carrying mental attachment of owning that car or that perception of that car in my head, although I had sold the car at that time. I didn’t own that car anymore. The awareness of “my car”, or “my perception of that car” was still carried.
Someone said : “I can see a little yellow plant in a glass filled with water.” Others said : ”a hope”, “growth”, “life“ etc. It is interesting. Each one has different answer. All of the answers are right. It depends on from which point they are speaking. If we see the picture with our physical eyes, we can see a little yellow plant but if we are using the eye behind those physical eyes we might see the beauty of it, something different, something more subtle. The beauty is always hidden behind the facades. It needs the ability to capture what is hidden. It is the inner eye that can capture the beauty. Some call this inner eye as awareness, consciousness, heart, the eye of wisdom, the soul or the spirit. In fact it refers to one and same thing.
The key to happiness in life is the ability to see the beauty in small things around you using this inner eye, not the physical eyes. The physical eye only captures the gross things, but the inner eye can capture the subtle things. Beauty is experienced by the heart. Not many big things happen in life. We might not experience big success so much in our life, but there are so many little things happening in each day. Start seeing the beauty or success in small things around you, do not wait till something big to happen to be happy. Open your inner eye and fill your heart with this.
It is said that knowledge is power. You might have heard this many times. But how do you experience this practically in your life? You might have read so many books with great advice to become a better person. You might have attended seminars, trainings and workshops and that you felt so inspired. You were inspired to make a change. You really wanted to make a change in you. But, do you experience that a change is easy? Is it to change yourself easy? I think a change is difficult. You might reflect on yourself after sometimes and ask yourself “have I changed? how much have I changed?” You might not see so much change in you. You wished to become a much better you, but it didn’t happen the way you wished to happen. Then, knowledge is not power yet. It doesn’t have power to change you.
Knowledge will become power when you use it to really make a change in you. To change means to change the mindset. To know is the first step and to change the mindset is the next step. Only when your mindset is changed by your new understanding, then you can say knowledge is power.
Everyone of us might have learnt from our childhood how to perceive everything including people, challenge and even problem. For some people a problem is percieved to be a big and serious problem, and for some people the same problem might be perceived to be a very simple one. Everything depends on your perception.
We have learned so much on how to make small things big. How do we make a problem big? To keep thinking about the problem and keep talking about a problem and focusing on the problem itself, not on the solution, then the problem become bigger and bigger. It is in our perception (in our mind). If you keep projecting this big problem in your mind, you might then feel yourself too small in front of the problem. You start feeling reactive. You start thinking yourself as a victim of a situation. In this way you can’t see any solution for your problem.
Practice yourself to start focusing on the solution of any problem you have. Focus on what you can do, not what you can not do. Then you will start feeling empowered and feeling big. The problem will gradually become smaller and smaller. Learn this art of making big things small.
I was in a workshop. We had to work in groups. We were made to sit in circles. My group is just right in front, in the corner of the hall. A topic was given to be discussed within each group and at the end someone had to present the result of the discussion. The way we presented should be with mindfulness. Everyone was in silence, listening to the presenter attentively and appreciatively. It created a very good feeling and atmosphere. I presented on behalf of my group, then followed by other groups. I really enjoyed the atmosphere during this session.
After the workshop was over, I said to the facilitator “It was really good. Very nice experience.” She agreed with me and said “Yes. It was very powerful. I could feel a very strong vibration in the middle of the hall.” This last sentence of her gave me a feeling of not being valued because I was not in the middle of the hall. In fact, she didn’t say that to me. But it was funny how the feeling of being not valued was there. I knew that I had got hurt.
You might get hurt because someone did not value you, or respect you. You might feel someone even insulted you. This is an ego game. It is not you that got hurt. It is the ego that got hurt, not you.
What is ego? Ego is the false identity you have given for yourself. We give identities to the self differently according to our role (what we are doing), our responsibility, or our position – “I am a manager. I am senior. I am the boss. I am so and so.” Why false? It is not permanent, it can change. It is associated with your body, not with the soul. Anything associated with the body is not permanent. It’s the soul that is permanent and never changes. So ego, in fact, is the identity related to body.
A friend asked me how to pray. It has nothing to do with any religious practice. She asked specifically of how to pray for those who are suffering, such as victims of natural calamities that happened very far away from where she lives. She had the empathy, but she was not sure what to say in her mind while praying.
A prayer is basically having good wishes. It is not limited by any word or any language. You don’t need to worry about what to say in your mind. Just have a thought in your mind. You know how to have a thought, don’t you? You might wish those people strength, you hold that thought of being strong in you. You might wish those people calmness, you hold the thought of being calm in you. You might wish those people patience, you hold that thought of being patient in you. You hold that strength, calmness and patience in your own heart. Your heart generates those powerful feelings. The longer you hold, the more powerful the feelings become. Whatever good wishes you have for anyone, you experience those wishes for yourself first. This is how you send good wishes to those souls. It doesn’t matter how far the distance, your good wishes will surely reach those souls.
I met a friend very recently and talked to him. I know he has several hobbies and has been enjoying his hobbies for years; collecting tumblers, wrist watches, orchids and birds. I was amazed that he has time to enjoy those hobbies. He allocates time to enjoy them in the evening.
I enjoyed talking to him, because he was very enthusiastic when talking about his hobbies. A hobby is something you enjoy, it makes you happy. You will do it so passionately. He said that it is always interesting to talk to people who have a hobby, not necessarily the same hobby. Because someone who has a hobby, at least knows what he likes. He knows his passion. And if he knows his passion, he knows how to be happy and he knows how to enjoy life. It is always interesting to talk to happy people. Have a hobby for your own self. Find your passion and become happy.
He said that people who have hobbies will not use their time to mind other people’s business. I smiled hearing this.
A coach is someone who helps a coachee to find the answer or a solution of his own problem. So the task of a coach is to ask the right questions to the coachee. The coachee then tries to find his own answer for the situation or problem he has. A coach doesn’t give a solution. A coach doesn’t provide advice. A coach doesn’t share experience. A coach’s focus is on the coachee.
If you can spend enough time to talk to yourself, you will become your own coach. Learn to ask the right questions to yourself. Learn to listen to your own inner voice. Deep within yourself, you already know the answer for your problem. There is a reservoir of wisdom inside you. The wise self always knows the way. She will guide you to the right path.
Many people do not do this. Many people easily talk to someone else and get advice/wisdom for their problem. Many people also easily use search engine for this. In fact the answer is within you. Why not spend time to talk to yourself deeply and find your own solution? Become your own coach.
I received a message from a friend ‘Don’t forget to be happy!’ It reminds us that sometimes we are not happy, so we need to be reminded. When you are reminded to be happy, how will you make yourself happy? Will you become happy in that moment for no reason?
To be happy means to feel good about the self. It is very difficult to be happy if you are not feeling good about yourself. To make yourself feel good about yourself, you need to understand yourself. You need to accept yourself, stop criticising and rejecting yourself. Don’t be judgemental to yourself, don’t be hard on yourself. Be gentle to yourself. It is empowering for the self. When you do this, it is then very easy to develop good feelings for the self. And you then can give the best gift to yourself – the feeling of happiness. Happiness is from the heart. It is then shown through your face. Others will feel it though your interactions.
Have you ever written a letter to God? Anyway God is not a physical Being. He doesn’t have a body of His own. He doesn’t reside in any place in this world. You might think that there is no specific address to send the letter to Him. He doesn’t have any email address either. But you might understand that He knows what you write even before you are writing it. He understands the language of the heart. So you don’t have to worry about it. He will never missunderstand. He understands you completely. He might understand you better than you understand yourself.
I remember last year I was in a two-week retreat. We were all encouraged to write a letter to God. Of course, no one would read our letters. This is just a method to communicate with God. We could write anything. And I also remember what I wrote to Him. I said to Him that I am ready to help the world, to give benefit to the world. Well, I am just an ordinary person, I am not an angel. I am a normal person. I have a full time job. I don’t have enough time for helping people. How can I do it to the world? I had no idea at all. The world is so big. How can I reach all those people? Well, God is the Almighty. Everything is possible for Him. I just surrendered it to Him.
And when I came back from the retreat, I looked at my journal books. I had so much good thoughts in it. And it is worth for sharing to people. I started sharing it through WhatsApp to friends and contacts. I did it randomly. Unexpectedly one of my good friends called me as soon as she received it. She said to me that I should make a blog. I had no idea what blog was and how to make it. She said that she would teach me to make one. Since then this blog was created last year. I think God showed me the way to serve people through her.