Last week I was invited to share some thoughts on how to develop self-respect. When I just received the notice, The first thing came into my mind was ‘what is the reason for not having self-respect?’ I think it is because we do not see our self-worth. Why do we not see our self-worth? This is because we see people a lot. What is wrong in seeing people? When we see people, we start comparing ourselves to them.
We start thinking ‘They are better than me. They are more fortunate. They are more successful. They are more experienced. They know better than me.’ What do we then feel when we have these thoughts? We start feeling insecure. If we sustain these thoughts by keeping these on and on and on in our head, we develop inferiority. Very often we don’t realize that we are nurturing these thoughts until we notice ourself feeling very low and small. This inferiority blinds you from seeing your self-worth.
Or you may start creating thoughts like ‘I am better. I am more fortunate. I am more successful.’ You develop superiority. For most people it doesn’t happen more frequently than the inferior one.
Comparing yourself to other people will always lead you to inferiority or superiority. You experience yourself emotionally in an oscillation between high and low. You are not comfortable to be in this oscillation. It doesn’t serve you inner stability.
Some call it ego. Ego is always false. It is just an illusion.To feel inferior or superior is an illusion. It is never permanent. Know this ego in you. Try to notice yourself when you start developing this. Be there for the sake of your inner stability. Because it is so destructive to your spirit (your self). It is very manipulative. It will never allow you to be able to see your self-worth. Your enemy for attaining your self-worth is not out there. It is right here, inside your head. Very subtle. Become the true warrior and conquer this enemy.
Someone used to say this to me. Company colors the soul. You are colored by the company you keep – your spouse, your family members, your friends, your colleagues etc. Those whom you work with or spend time with. You may get colored or you may color them. It depends o how strong your color (influence) in the companionship.
Now look at people around you. What do you talk when you are with them most of the time? There are three things – stuff or event, ideas or other people.
Some people like talking about stuff, a branded bag they just purchased, the latest gadget, the band new car, some are talking about the game they are playing. Average people talk about stuff or event. And some are talking about other people. They are called small people. What other people are doing or not doing, have or not have are completely their own business. These type of people mind other people’s business. This is the type of people you should avoid to be around.
It is said great people talk about ideas. They use their creative mind. Happiness lies in this. Contentment starts here. Not in stuff nor in a game. Happiness created through buying a brand new suff is just temporary. How long do you experience the happiness after you bought your new car?
If you want to become great, surround yourself with people who talk about visions and ideas. Not people. Not stuff nor event. Select the company you want to keep.
One of the skills or competencies that is needed in the work place or in a relationship is communication skill. Many people think communication skill is the ability to speak. In fact communication skill requires two abilities, speaking and also listening. That is why many have learned how to speak well. They attend speaking courses. But I never heard any listening courses. There are many talk shows but no listen shows. Many create podcasts or YouTube channels for them to communicate through speaking. Surely they need someone to listen and watch.
The ability to listen is often the missing one in communication. How often misunderstanding takes place due to this? This misunderstanding is due to lack of the ability to listen. The message is not properly understood. Communication is always in two ways. If someone is speaking and there is no one around, then no one is listening. It is not called a communication. No message reaches anyone (the listener).
Interestingly we have two ears, two eyes and one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we speak. Let’s start listening. I believe that all those good speakers were once good listeners. All good communicators were once good listeners.
If you need to take a thousand steps to achieve your goal, you first have to start with your first step. For taking this one step, you need motivation. You definitely needs power to start something. How to get yourself motivated and have power to start. Someone might inspire you through what he has done. You might have known or even met many inspiring figures and you were so inspired and motivated. But why you don’t see yourself as successful as those who inspired you?
If you want to reach your goal, then motivation is not enough. Motivation is what gets you started. It is what makes you take your first step toward your goal. You still need to take another 999 steps. It is not easy. It takes time. It might also take your sweat and tears. It takes so much patience. What you need to do is to keep taking steps and not giving up.
You might need to take a completely different way or probably you need to develop a new habit and stop your old habit of doing. You may get yourself motivated by others, but when you have to develop a new habit, you have to do it alone. In this, that many fail. There is no shortcut to success.
Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
This is a true story of my colleague on how he dealt with covid. It was Christmas Eve, last year. He had made a plan for a family gathering on that night. A few days before he got himself tested for covid and the result was only received on Dec 24th. He decided to have everyone in the house to do the rapid test with the quickest result. Four people of his family members got tested. They had to cancel the plan for the family gathering and change into a plan for a self quarantine. If the four members of the family would be positive covid, then they would stay in the house for their self quarantine. But if the rest of the family members were negative covid, then he would decide to leave the house and find a place for his self quarantine.
The results of the test were only received late in the evening via email. They were all negative covid. So he decided to leave the house that night. He packed his stuff in a luggage and drove himself to find a hotel for the quarantine. He was having no symptom of covid at that time. Only after mid night he checked in into a hotel. He managed everything by himself during the quarantine. After a few days in the hotel, he experienced himself to have some covid symptoms. He started to consider to go to hospital. And he ended up being hospitalized as a covid patient for about two weeks. He did it all alone. He had to go through his critical period in the hospital all alone. No family member could visit him. No colleague nor friend could visit him. This is covid. It is different. A solo battle! It takes so much strength to become the winner in this battle physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I really appreciate how he managed himself. I think it was so heroic. He won the battle.
I make this time to revisit my heart, the spirit inside. It has been sitting there for such a long time. I have been very busy listening the noise of my ego in my head. I have been neglecting myself. I have started believing what my ego said to me and it has completely made my heart weak and broken.
I make this time to sit with my true self, and listen. I open my heart. I feel very confortable.
It speaks very gently to me: “You are very special. You are loveable. You are here to share your love. Open your heart and express your love. Let the energy flow from the inside out”
It is so empowering and encouraging.
I can feel the energy of love fills my heart. I feel myself empowered.
Now I invite the Greatest Healer to fill my heart with His healing energy. I keep my heart open for His pure loving energy. His love is unconditional. His love is permanent and so uplifting. He has a very loving heart to everybody. I can trust Him. I have nothing to hide from Him. I let Him help me in this healing process. I keep His company with me.
The feeling becomes stronger and stronger. This genuine love puts all the pieces of my heart together. It heals the wounds and the scars. My heart become whole again.
I just finished reading a post by a blogger. He wrote his air trip recently. It was his first air trip during the pandemic, after literally one year. He wrote in his post that he made 75 flights in 90 days only before the pandemic. Reading his post, it reminded me of my last air trip. It was in December 2019. I never thought that it would have been this long not to make any trip. A friend who regularly had a vacation at least twice a year also said to me that she has not made any traveling.
What do you miss with a flight? and what do you do when you miss flying? Usually I love every part of a traveling, especially of my vacation. From making a list of what I need to bring for the traveling, packing stuff, heading to the airport, waiting for the boarding, the flight, reaching the destination till making my way back home. I enjoyed each and every part of it. I remember something ridiculous I made on my way back home after a year end trip. I just didn’t want to finish the joy of that trip too soon, that I decided to sit in a coffee shop at the airport from 10 am till 4 pm.
So I miss everything of a traveling. Another ridiculous thing I made when I missed traveling was having apple juice. I ussually put it in a fridge before I enjoy drinking it. I never bought packed apple juice before, I always prefer having fresh juice than having this packed juice. Why did I do this? This was the drink I usually had when I was on a flight.
The flight attendant said ‘We have apple juice, orange juice and guava juice. What do you want to have, madam?’ And I always said ‘Apple juice, please.’
Who wants to live abundantly? Everybody wants to have an abundant life. To have an abundant life means to experience that I have nothing lacking in my life. To experience gratitude more often. I think it has to do with mindset. It is about how you create it in your mind and then feel it in your heart – having an abundant mindset and a big heart.
A few months ago I joined a 21 Days challenge of abundance with friends and I thought to rerun this challenge for myself. I call it as Abundance Project. Since I do it personally, I don’t have to follow the original guidance of this challenge. I do not make it into 21 days either. It is more than 30 days now. I still do not know when to finish it. I free myself for this. This project is more about a morning reflection on this topic everyday and put it in writing. I go into the depth of the different aspects of this topic. Write different thoughts of abundance. It helps me to see abundance in life within me, around me, in nature and in time of the past, the present and the future. If you can see abundance, your heart will become content. You develop gratitude. Where there is contentment, all the other inner powers will come.
Wherever you are, you are vibrating energy. This is the energy of thoughts. Thoughts that you have in your mind create vibration. It is energy. Mental or spiritual energy. You keep generating this energy within you consciously or subconsciously. You are contributing energy to the atmosphere all the time. You can feel the energy of people who always have vision very clearly in life, they are very optimistic, they always have hope and never lose hope. Those people always think positively n matter what happen. They always focus on solution when the are facing a problem. They never lose their faith. Without say anything, when you meet such people you can feel their energy, very powerful. In the same way, when you meet people who are problem-focused, not having a clear vision for the future, not having enough faith, they lose hope, without them telling you, you can feel their energy. It is vibration. Energy creates vibration.
Whatever energy you have in you, you are contributing the energy to the atmosphere. If you want to change the atmosphere, change your thoughts. Create only good thoughts. Thoughts that elevate. Thoughts that uplift. The stronger the thought, the stronger the vibration is created in the atmosphere. People will pick up those vibration automatically. This will become an incognito gift for everyone. The best gift. If you give this gift, everyone will accept this gift. No one will reject your gift.
If your energy level is low or you are weak, you are picking up the energy, but if it is high, you are contributing. Which one do you prefer?
This pandemic has completely reset my mind. I think in a personal level, I have adjusted myself quite well. I do not have the courage to make any travel plan. It is already December. Ussually I have made a travel plan for a year end vacation before December. My colleagues also usually have made their plans for their family vacation every December. But not this year. Nobody has shared any trip plan yet.
When a colleague was talking about air ticket promotion which sounded really a good deal, I felt like I just woke up from a very long sleep. “What is it?” I said in my mind.
It has been a year when I had my last travel. I never imagined before that it would be this long, we have to stay in our place and not travel. A vacation for me is to spend sometimes in nature, away from the city. In December last year, I went to Banyuwangi. I thought I would like to travel from one end to the other end of Java. I took a train from Jakarta, Yogyakarta, Surabaya and Banyuwangi. A very long trip, but it was a really wonderful trip.
I have found several ways to enjoy my December with no traveling nor ‘vacation’.
What about you? Do you have any plan to end this year?