I have shared in this blog that I had my personal projects going on. 3 projects at the same time. This is my personal projects. It has to do with noone except me. I called it a 100-day project. Literally each project was for 100 days.
First one was on spirituality, how I wanted to see myself made a progress in this.
Second project was on health, how I would be more conscious and focused on health, physically, mentally and also emotionally. And this refered to a book I read. I wanted to put more attention and also time on what I learned from that book. I wanted to understand what was written on the book more deeply and if possible I could put it into practice. So it did not only please my ears but also my soul. Or if possible, it could change my soul (my self).
And the third project was on finance. If I wanted to become free from any worries, then that would be free from money worries.
Now those 3 projects are completed. Have I reached my goal? Am I satisfied? Probably I have not reached my goal yet, but I am sure I have made steps towards the goal. I am not standing at the same point where I started. I am not satisfied either. And this is what keeps me going.
If I have to write a note to myself, it would be ‘Thank you for being so honest.’
At the end of every year I am always reminded to resolution that I made in the previous year. Are you always on track with your goals you set up for the year? Are you ready for a new one for the year 2023?
Someone said before setting a new resolution for the coming year, firstly do the review of this year. What has gone well and what haven’t gone well that you need to improve.
I looked up again my files in my ipad in which I always write them down. I named each file “Resolution 2019 Resolution 2020 etc.” I have 4 files for the last four years. I always write them in details having the ‘SMART principle’ for goal setting in my mind. SMART is shortened from – specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bond. Basically a resolution is a goal setting, what you want to achieve during the one year. And for me, it is very much a habit setting, what I am going to do (daily) to achieve that goals. It is very easy to review then. Just ask question ‘Do I do this action? Do I do it regularly? What percentage am I on track?’ Did I make any change along the way?
I was not 100% on track. I was not rigidly following the action plans I have made. I made some changes here and there. I dropped some also. I am a bit flexible but not slacked. When I am inspired to do something differently and in a better way, I am open to adjust. In this way I allow myself to improve and also to grow. I allow some newness to take place.
For example in May this year, I was inspired to make a 100 day project for my self on healing the heart. Of course it was not in my resolution list. I was quite consistent doing it on a daily basis and when it was completed, I decided to continue to another project with a different topic. Along the way I was then also inspired to do project on health and wealth. Now 3 projects are still going on. I will surely sit and prepare my new resolution for 2023. Probably not completely new. I will carry on with my 3 projects.
About this 3 projects, only a few days ago just out of the blue a friend texted me “Hi sister, how are your projects going on?’ This is definitely not a frequently asked question, but the most wanted one. It really blew my mind.
I remembered how I had the idea of 100-day project. I was with some friends after doing a work together. Each one of us had our duty in that work. I was not quite happy with how I completed my duty. Some even critisized me and it led me feel a bit down. I was feeling so uncomfortable.
One of my friends said to me ‘You need a healing.’ I know he was not really seriously saying it to me but I took it seriously. Yes, I need a healing, I said to myself.
Any emotional discomfort sometimes has led me to process it and finish it. Very often I could finish it through journaling. I ussually take only a few days to finish it and many times I also could finish very quickly. Journaling really helps in processing my feelings.
For this healing, I planned to make it in a project. It was a big one. A few days would not be enough to complete, so I made it in a 100 day project.
How did I work on this project? I worked on it through reflection, meditation and also through journaling.
I told them (my friends) about this plan. Another friend asked me: ‘Why do you not make it in 21 days instead of 100 days?’
It is said that it takes 21 days to create a new habit or a change. She refered to this idea. I said to her ‘21 days won’t be enough. 100 days is more remarkable than 21 days’.
I religiously worked on this project on healing my heart for 100 days and it was completed a few weeks ago. I was feeling so happy.
The habit of working one thing for 100 days has imprinted in the my ‘internal system’. When this project was completed, I did not take time to make another 100 day project. Now I have 3 different projects for 3 different areas of life going on, spirituality, health and finance.
When I shared it to a friend about this 100-day project, he said ‘This is a big project.’ Not sure if he was saying this to me seriously or just to please me.
During the weekend, last week I joined a 3-day training. It was a long training. I thanked to my best friend who invited me to join this training.
Almost the whole training was about mindset, how to change the mindset and how deal with false beliefs. I think everyone of us has false belief of some areas of our lives. This false belief is also very often limiting us. It doesn’t liberate us. It sometimes even stops us from pursuing our dream.
We were given a handouts for our exercises. There are 72 common false beliefs in one of the exercises and we have to score ourselves on each one.
This training really taught me how to deal with my false beliefs. Easy to be said than done. It doesn’t mean that after the 3 day training all my false beliefs will fly away out of the window. No. It will never happen like that. It always takes some efforts and some times.
Do you find it easy to change your mindset? Have you ever been successful in this?
So what I have to do next is to really internalize it into me so the 3-day effort is not just forgotten easily and does not give me any impact. There has to be an impact on me, I said to myself. If possible a permanent one. And for this internalization, I have made a 100-day project. I go through and work on the 72 false beliefs. One false belief each day. I reflect and ask myself ‘Do you have this belief? What do you understand about this belief? How much has this belief influenced you? How to put it right? etc.’ I then put it in writing, in my journal book. I am still continuing my project now.
I look forward seeing a completely ‘different me’ in 100 days.
Financial Freedom. It sounds really cool. The definition of financial freedom is to have a lifestyle that you desire without having to work or rely on anyone else for money. It is so cool, isn’t it?
Your money works hard for you that all your expenses is covered by your passive income. You don’t need to worry about money. You may spend your whole day, whole week doing something you love. You are carefree.
How much money do you need for your financial freedom?
I remembered when I was in my early 30s, I often discussed with a friend on idea of early retirement. My friend kept saying it to me “Are we going to work like this till the rest of our lives? I think we need to have a courage to resign and do what we love.” The idea also sounded really cool.
By the way we did not work for the same company. She was working for a bank at that time. I am not sure what she was doing exactly. She was only in her late 20s. So she is younger than me. To follow the passion is cool. It definitely needs some preparation and calculation.
I didn’t know about financial freedom at that time. You need to make some preparation for your financial freedom. It takes some works, also some disciplines.
Looking back to that time and today with the financial crisis in front us, if I took the decision to retire early, it was going to be the decision I would regret. Taking a really big risk in life without thinking it really deeply.
How much money do you need to have your financial freedom? Eveybody would have a different amount. Freedom is more a feeling, something non-physical. When you have to put a number to something feeling-based, then it will be quite different from one person to another. And there is nothing wrong with any number someone puts. It very much depends on the readiness of the heart in each one.
Very recently I was invited to give a sharing session by a company for their managers. It has become a regular event in the company as development program for their employees. I talked to the general manager of the company and asked about the topic they wanted me to share. In corporates, the most popular topic is related to soft competencies like leadership, communication, decision making, coaching etc. I am aware that many people out there are probably better than me in delivering those topics. I reluctantly offered the general manager if I could share on dealing emotions through journaling. I think it is not a popular topic in corporate, at least here. Somebody said to me that writing is not popular in most Asian countries. Surprisingly he was interested to this topic.
I said to myself “from now on, I need to know each and every expectation I have created”
I was very excited preparing the presentation. I focused on the audiences, what they might need relating to deal with emotions in their day-to-day life in office. No one is free from negative emotions. Ussully the trigger is the people they work with, either their co-workers, subordinates, bosses or even customers and clients.
I remember what has brought me to journaling was also from a situation in office. In fact I have to thank to my co-worker who had taken a credit from me in a meeting and it triggered my emotion. I realized I was feeling very uncomfortable and low. I also remember I said to myself “I need to do something”. Surely not paying back to her, but dealing the feeling inside. and I didn’t know what to do at that time. Similar situation might be reoccurring in office and I don’t like the feeling. The situation in the meeting and the feeling have led me to a book on how to deal with negative emotion. This book said that the reason of each and every negative emotion is an expectation. This was just the book I needed to read. Probably God has arranged it for me and given me a way.
I said to myself “Okay, from now on I need to know each and every expectation I created that had triggered my emotion”. And not only knowing it, but also writing it. Since then I have been processing my emotions and expectation in writing.
I have to be honest that I was so scared of having an injection. Before I got my covid vaccine last year, actually I needed to prepare myself emotionally. I was telling someone who helped me getting the vaccine that If possible the schedule would be after two weeks, thinking that two weeks was enough for me to prepare myself mentally. Only in the evening I got informed to get my vaccine the following morning, it was arranged by the office. I had no time to prepare myself.
To be frank with you I was so nervous. I was not prepared. But finally decided to get the earlier schedule thinking I would be with some colleagues, if something happened then I had my colleagues with me in the venue. The vaccine was held in the national sport complex, in the middle of the city, in tennis indoor building. A huge and very well maintained building. 10.000 people from many different companies in financial business were invited for this vaccine.
In fact I was very impressed by how the organizer organizing the people maintaining social distancing. It was just so impressive. Though it is much easier than organizing a concert event or musical festival. It was very well organized. The building is very much in the middle of the whole complex, so we had to walk quite far. But I enjoyed the walk. I loved the pedestrian. A lot of trees. I felt a bit like a picnic. The way they organized the people in the hall was also impressive. The whole experience was not scary, included when I was having my jab.
This gave me a feeling of a picnic.
A few weeks ago I got my booster vaccine. My colleague asked me “are you happy with your vaccine?” I replied “not really.” My booster vaccine was in a hospital. It was a different experience, a hospital experience not a tennis indoor experience. If you are a customer and your customer experience was excellent, you were satisfied with the product or service you bought, you might tend to put that excellent service as your standard for your future buying. It was exactly what happened to me.
How they were organizing the event was impressive.
My colleague then asked “why?” I then started telling her about how I was so happy with the vaccine in tennis indoor last year, as if she was not there with me, getting our vaccine.
So, the venue matters. She then smiled and said “I think it is very easy to make you happy.”
Use the SMART formula. This is th same formula you can use for a goal setting. Anyway a resolution is also a goal. You set the goal and then achieve it. SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bond.
It has to be very very clear!
You need to include your subconscious mind in manifesting what you want. And only when you make it specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bond your subconscious mind will understand what you want. It is your subconscious mind (conscience) that will guide you to achieve that goal. It knows the way to achieve it. So by setting your goal or your resolution in a very clear way, are actually communicate what you want to your conscience in a better way.
When I conducted a workshop on this topic, some audiences shared more ‘qualitative’ resolution like ‘I want to become a kind person’ ‘I don’t want to take sorrow from anybody’. To this qualitative goals, you can’t use the same formula but you definitely still need to make it clear to your self (your subconscious mind). Don’t just leave it there like that, you need to define the goal more detailed. How? Ask yourself, what do you mean by being a kind person? Why do you want to become one? How would you know that you are becoming a kinder person day by day? And the most important question is ‘What would you do everyday to make you this?’ This is a question for an action plan. A regular action that you are committed to take everyday. A resolution without an action would remain a wish or a dream. It won’t become a reality. A commitment is really essential for a successful resolution.
What do you mean by not taking sorrow from anybody? Why do you think you need to do this? How would you check yourself everyday that you are not taking sorrow from anyone? What are you going to do if you take sorrow with no intention? How would you deal with it? What would you say to yourself? How would you do for a self-check?
The clearer your resolution, the easier your subconscious mind will help you to manifest it. This is really the key!
I remember I made a resolution of becoming a more minimalist. And that meant to me to be less acquiring stuff. I made it very specific for clothings. Maximum 5 new clothes for one year. It is measurable. I was not a shopaholics but I thought I needed to do this. I did the same thing with shoes and bags. No new bag and no new shoes during that one year. I shared this resolution to a friend only a few months after January. And I confessed to her that I had bought more than ten clothes. And she said ‘You have failed already.’ I didn’t want to take her comment on me being a failure personally. I knew it would weaken me mentally. I said to my self instead ‘I will keep doing with this resolution. I don’t want to quit.’ I wanted to know myself how far I could go with my resolution by the end of the year. I could measure my failure at end of the year.
If you fail in making your resolution, don’t stop and start thinking that you are a failure, and feeling bad about yourself. No, you are a learner. You keep learning from the failure and you become better. Don’t listen to anybody.
Is it possible to live without judgement? We are now living in a society where everybody is free to make any judgement on anyone and anything. You are free to have your opinion on someone or something and you are given enough room to express your opinion (judgement). You are free to leave your comment in their chat boxes. You have that freedom.
A friend showed me a video of someone doing a pole dance. I am not exposed to this dance so I never had any curiosity to know it, but I remembered one of my colleague learned it very long time ago. She liked it. It looks very difficult, more like acrobatic for me. I know how difficult it is to do it. So when my friend was showing me the video, I was amazed to the woman on the video, she was doing it really well, like a pro. She asked me my opinion about the video, about the woman. I said ‘it is good. She is doing it so well.’ Then she asked me if I didn’t see anything wrong. I said ‘No.’ I didn’t know the woman. I didn’t see anything wrong with her. A pole dancer wears a bikini costume. For some societies it is not considered to be polite to show it in public places. Well, social media is now considered as a public place because the public can see it. Finally she said ‘You are too positive.’ Probably she meant ‘too naive’.
I don’t see anything wrong.
My friend knows the woman on the video. She is a consultant on Human Resources. She didn’t expect her putting the video on social media. This image may create judgment to some people, especially those who use her expertise in Human Resources. Everybody can have professional life also personal life. Both may be in line and may not be in line. We are free to choose anything we enjoy, just be aware that people may create their judgement on you and what you are doing. It is always like that. And at the end, it is your choice to let yourself be influenced by their judgement or not. I agree to this, always live the life you want, not based on people’s judgment.
A perfectionist tends to see what is not right in everything. A perfectionist usually has a standard for what is called to be `perfect`. He or she tends to stick to this standard rigidly. Someone said to me that a perfecionist finds it to be difficult to be happy or to be content and probably to be grateful. These three are interconnected – being happy, content and grateful.
One of my colleague is a perfectionist. The good thing is that she is aware of being one. She is also aware that it has made her uncomfortable in many situations. One day, she gave me a ride back home from office. During that ride, she was complaining a lot about her car. Her car was just repaired, full body repainted. Her car is white. Her eyes are just too sharp to see what is not going right with the painting. She showed me a small area behind the handle of its door that she complained. She was not satisfied with the repair. So she complained. Her standard is very high for this, her expectation too. She has a very small margin for things not to get right. She takes time to accept thing as it is, she takes time to make herself peaceful. This is the reason why a perfectionist finds it difficult to be happy.
I think we need to learn from God. God is perfect but He is not a perfectionist. This is why God is called the Ocean of Happiness. God has a very high standard for what is called as ‘perfect’, yet He is also flexible. He is not rigidly attached to that standard. He has the rooms for human beings to make mistake, He has enough room to forgive. He never complains.
Song of the Heart 