I remembered how I had the idea of 100-day project. I was with some friends after doing a work together. Each one of us had our duty in that work. I was not quite happy with how I completed my duty. Some even critisized me and it led me feel a bit down. I was feeling so uncomfortable.
One of my frienda said to me ‘You need a healing.’ I know he was not really serious saying it to me but I took it seriously. Yes, I need a healing, I said to myself.
Any emotional discomfort sometimes has led me to process it and finish it. Very often I could finish it through journaling. I ussually take only a few days to finish it and many times I also could finish very quickly. Journaling really helps in processing my feelings.
For this healing, I planned to make it in a project. It was a big one. A few days would not be enough to complete, so I made a 100 day project.
How did I work on this project? I worked on it through reflection, meditation and also through journaling.
I told them (my friends) about this plan. Another friend asked me: ‘Why do you not make it in 21 days instead of 100 days?’
It is said that it takes 21 days to create a new habit or a change. She refered to this idea. I said to her ‘21 days won’t be enough. 100 days is more remarkable than 21 days’.
I religiously worked on this project on healing my heart for 100 days and it was completed a few weeks ago. I was feeling so happy.
The habit of working one thing for 100 days has imprinted in the my ‘internal system’. When this project was completed, I did not take time to make another 100 day project. Now I have 3 different projects or 3 different areas of life going on, spirituality, health and finance.
When I shared it to a friend about this 100-day project, he said ‘This is a big project.’ Not sure if he was saying this to me seriously or just to please me.
During the weekend, last week I joined a 3-day training. It was a long training. I thanked to my best friend who invited me to join this training.
Almost the whole training was about mindset, how to change the mindset and how deal with false beliefs. I think everyone of us has false belief of some areas of our lives. This false belief is also very often limiting us. It doesn’t liberate us. It sometimes even stops us from pursuing our dream.
We were given a handouts for our exercises. There are 72 common false beliefs in one of the exercises and we have to score ourselves on each one.
This training really taught me how to deal with my false beliefs. Easy to be said than done. It doesn’t mean that after the 3 day training all my false beliefs will fly away out of the window. No. It will never happen like that. It always takes some efforts and some times.
Do you find it easy to change your mindset? Have you ever been successful in this?
So what I have to do next is to really internalize it into me so the 3-day effort is not just forgotten easily and does not give me any impact. There has to be an impact on me, I said to myself. If possible a permanent one. And for this internalization, I have made a 100-day project. I go through and work on the 72 false beliefs. One false belief each day. I reflect and ask myself ‘Do you have this belief? What do you understand about this belief? How much has this belief influenced you? How to put it right? etc.’ I then put it in writing, in my journal book. I am still continuing my project now.
I look forward seeing a completely ‘different me’ in 100 days.
When I shared my blog post on the process of self-identity on teenagers to someone, he said that this process is a part of a life cycle. I completely agreed with him on this. Everybody goes through this phase in their lives. Some are quite aware of the process, but many are not really aware of it. Some take the process very seriously (if not very heavily), and some take it very lightly. Since it is a cycle so it has to be completed, if not completed then it won’t be called a cycle. Not necessarily in one life.
It took me years to process this. I should say that it was not an easy one, so much frustration along the way. I didn’t see any guarantee for a success. Looking back, it was like an adventure. I realized that the harder I made it for myself, the less successful it became and the farther away I became from my true self. So I decided not to be hard on myself in this process. I made myself more open and honest to myself. I really made time for this. The feeling was more acceptance, more forgiving and least resistance internally. Now I have a very clear idea of who I am, what I am and what the future would be in my awareness. I am completing the process and I keep learning.
Even though it is a life cycle, it doesn’t mean that there is a guarantee for everybody to complete the process of understanding who they are before they die. Some even do not really know what they want to pursue in life, what they want to do in life. A father just lost his daughter quite suddenly. A few days before she left her body, she talked to him about her plan a bit. She just graduated from college. I think he made a very honest statement about her daughter that she knew what she didn’t like to do very well, what she was not passionate about, but she didn’t know what she liked to do.
Death doesn’t mean the end of everything. It doesn’t automatically end this process. The life cycle is definitely completed for the body, but not for the soul. Because it is the soul that has been seeking, it is the spirit in the body that is going through the process, not the body.
A friend was telling me about her 12 years old daughter. She has been showing some rebellious acts recently. And it has made her so worried. I met this teenaged girl a few years ago when she was only seven. She was just so adorable to me. She had a very kind and gentle heart, a super loving girl. I think my friend is a wonderful mom for her kids. She teaches good values to them since very young age. She gives them so much love as well as teaches them discipline. It was very obvious to me in her kids. I find in many children this pure and innocent personality. There is so much spontaneity.
This personality is expressed genuinely till they become teenagers. Then everything changes. The consciousness starts processing self-identity. Children don’t need to process this, this is why children are more spontaneous. The ego starts to develop. Teenagers become more aware of themselves, of who they are, of what people may think about them. And they start comparing themselves to people a lot. This comparation often leads to the feelings of insecurities or arrogance in them. Insecurities and arrogance are the products of ego. Teenagers starts processing the identity of themselves, they start seeking in the adults around them. They are also seeking in their peers. Then they are processing it internally. They need the adults around them to understand and accept them. They need some approval and encouragement to make the internal process easier. So they feel supported and loved. This is what they need.
My friend wanted me to talk to her daughter. I tried to understand her phase and situation. I didn’t want to preach her of course. I knew it was not what she needed. I reminded her how I saw her when she was much younger as a super loving and kind girl. I reminded her of how much I loved her.
This world nowadays might be very hard on young people especially for those who are still going through this internal process of seeking.
It was Friday evening last week. We were heading to a weekend. I always love weekend. I decided to hang out after office hour. Just a spontaneous decision. I went to the nearest a hang-out place. The building is not modern and really big one but so cozy. It has coffee shops, restaurants, bakery, juice counter, stationary shop and also pharmacy on ground floor and first floor. It has a cinema and a gym on the third floor. It also has an outdoor park with little ponds and a fountain. It is my favorite place for a my short break from office.
It has become a good meeting place for many people especially during lunch time and after office hours. And the good thing is that it is only a walking distance from my office.
I thought I needed a self-reward, I decided to enjoyed my favorite drink at the nearest Starbucks Coffee, alone. I was sitting in one of the corners, in a long wooden table, facing a big glass window in front of me. I can see people were passing by through the window. Trust me, I really enjoyed it.
I realized that it was the everyday scene before the pandemic. I had missed this scene for a long time. There was so much joy inside me. I wishpered to myself ‘The vibe is back’.
A long time friend called me and told me that he was experiencing a spiritual awakening. Actually we had not been communicating for a quite long time. And we never talked about anything spiritual before. So when he suddenly called me and started discussing spiritual topic, I was surprised. He said that he remembered me practicing meditation. He might think that probably I could help him.
It is the spirit that is awaken. To be awaken means to be aware. The spirit is the awareness or the consciousness. The spirit resides in the body. The body is the vehicle for the spirit. It is not the awareness. To say that the spirit is awaken means that the spirit was in a sleep before. Because the spirit was sleeping, so the spirit was not aware. He was not aware of what he was missing either. When the spirit is awaken, he begins to be aware of it. He started searching.
In my opinion it will happen to everybody. Because everybody is in fact a spiritual being living in a physical body. Different people take different time to be awaken, and also different ways to respond to it. Some probably respond the way like my friend did, some probably deny it and decide to go back to sleep.
It is like a voice calling from the inside. For some the voice is too soft, for others it is quite loud, so it disturbs the sleep of the spirit. I remember it happened to me when I was in my early twenties. It was so disturbing. It was the beginning of my spiritual journey. It is a very long journey, not an easy one, but very rewarding.
I think it is a never ending process. Probably a life long journey for many of us. But let me tell you, it is a worthed journey to take. A very rewarding journey. It takes so much of your patience and your persistence to keep going. Don’t stop till you get what you search for.
I realize the need to explore the spirit within when I was in my early twenties. At that time I didn’t have any ide of being a spirit at all. What I knew was that I was yearning something but I couldn’t define what it was. I was introduced to meditation. I would have to say that meditation is probably the only way that helped me to find what I had been yearning. But it never happens over night. It took so much effort. I have been practicing meditation for a long long time, but to be frank with you I only made an intense effort for the last seven years. When I consciously put all my effort on this journey and enjoyed it, I could finally say that I have attained what I had been yearning. what have I attained through meditation and through my constant effort? the answer is my self-respect. Yes, I have got my self respect back. There is so much contentment inside. When there is contentment, the spirit is experiencing the fullness. Only when you are content inside or completely full inside, you will remain stable and nothing or none can shake you inside. No matter how chaotic the situation around you or in the world, if you keep the oasis of peace within you, you will remain uninfluenced. You will become the oasis for people around you to seek peace. You will move with so much courage and hope to those who are helpless. The world will need this more and more.
If you are in a journey of exploring yourself, keep doing it and never stop.
A marriage counselor said that many married women at a certain age experience so much insecurities due to body shaming. They don’t want themselves not to look good. Many have tried so hard for keeping themselves to look good and in a good shape. None of them wants to look older and not beautiful. It has created strong insecurities. To be insecured is to create fear and the biggest fear is that her husband does not love her anymore or even leaves her at the worst. I never thought this as a serious problem, until a friend who is a marriage counselor shared this fact to me.
I think the first reason for this to happen is a commitment in relationship. A marriage is a committed relationship. To be committed means to be devoted. There is always a desire to make the one you devote or love to be happy. Each one has this responsibility for the happiness of the other side. A committed relationship also creates emotional dependency, then emotional attachment. There is no liberation, where there is a dependency.
Those women think that by keeping their bodies in shape or look good they will be attractive to their spouses. This draws their attention to become so much body conscious. The more you let yourself to be drawn by body consciousness, the more you become insecured. This is the price you have to pay. Because body consciousness is false consciousness. Body is made of the 5 elements of nature. Anything is made of the 5 elements will definitely change……. from new to old, from young to old. Accept this and be ready for this. Develop soul counciousness more. Because it is the soul that will never change. A soul doesn’t get older. A soul has the unlimited beauty. Uncover your own beauty within you, instead of desiring to fight against nature’s law. Accept the change of your body. And stay secured by being a beautiful soul.
Last week I was invited to share some thoughts on how to develop self-respect. When I just received the notice, The first thing came into my mind was ‘what is the reason for not having self-respect?’ I think it is because we do not see our self-worth. Why do we not see our self-worth? This is because we see people a lot. What is wrong in seeing people? When we see people, we start comparing ourselves to them.
We start thinking ‘They are better than me. They are more fortunate. They are more successful. They are more experienced. They know better than me.’ What do we then feel when we have these thoughts? We start feeling insecure. If we sustain these thoughts by keeping these on and on and on in our head, we develop inferiority. Very often we don’t realize that we are nurturing these thoughts until we notice ourself feeling very low and small. This inferiority blinds you from seeing your self-worth.
Or you may start creating thoughts like ‘I am better. I am more fortunate. I am more successful.’ You develop superiority. For most people it doesn’t happen more frequently than the inferior one.
Comparing yourself to other people will always lead you to inferiority or superiority. You experience yourself emotionally in an oscillation between high and low. You are not comfortable to be in this oscillation. It doesn’t serve you inner stability.
Some call it ego. Ego is always false. It is just an illusion.To feel inferior or superior is an illusion. It is never permanent. Know this ego in you. Try to notice yourself when you start developing this. Be there for the sake of your inner stability. Because it is so destructive to your spirit (your self). It is very manipulative. It will never allow you to be able to see your self-worth. Your enemy for attaining your self-worth is not out there. It is right here, inside your head. Very subtle. Become the true warrior and conquer this enemy.
Someone used to say this to me. Company colors the soul. You are colored by the company you keep – your spouse, your family members, your friends, your colleagues etc. Those whom you work with or spend time with. You may get colored or you may color them. It depends o how strong your color (influence) in the companionship.
Now look at people around you. What do you talk when you are with them most of the time? There are three things – stuff or event, ideas or other people.
Some people like talking about stuff, a branded bag they just purchased, the latest gadget, the band new car, some are talking about the game they are playing. Average people talk about stuff or event. And some are talking about other people. They are called small people. What other people are doing or not doing, have or not have are completely their own business. These type of people mind other people’s business. This is the type of people you should avoid to be around.
It is said great people talk about ideas. They use their creative mind. Happiness lies in this. Contentment starts here. Not in stuff nor in a game. Happiness created through buying a brand new suff is just temporary. How long do you experience the happiness after you bought your new car?
If you want to become great, surround yourself with people who talk about visions and ideas. Not people. Not stuff nor event. Select the company you want to keep.