Honestly it is very hard to see and accept our own weakness or failure. It takes courage to do it. It also needs a big heart to admit that we still have the weakness. It applies to any weakness we have.
Many times we prefer to be denial. But if we really want to change ourselves we have to embrace the weakness. Probably we need to hug ourselves and empower ourselves. Just do it if it works for you. You are the #1 support when you are down. Don’t depend on anyone to do it for you.
A friend told me that she was feeling bad about herself knowing that she was so consumtive. She said to me that she could not control her spending. She realized it after completing her financial worksheet. She said something really funny. She said “After effect of completing this financial worksheet is that I am not feeling well, a little bit dizzy, not comfortable with my stomach etc”.
She is such a funny person with a sense of humor and very honest too. I was laughing actually hearing this from her. I could imagine how she would express it on her face.
I remembered that I gave her the worksheet long time ago after sharing how I control my spending religiously to her. I also review my financial report on monthly basis. It gives me a sense of control.
Everyone is a finance manager.
I congratulated her on this. I encouraged her to keep doing it. I know my colleagues stopped doing it after making some trials. They said that they were not consistent enough to do it. Though they are Finance Managers or Accounting Managers. Jokingly they said to me : “You are more finance than me.”
It is not easy to see the self being a failure. Dealing with the self (including dealing with oneself’s failure) is not always easy. Probably you need to practice self-awareness.
Do you like working with a target? Do you always set a target for yourself? If yes, how do you prefer to set your target? Is it yearly basis, monthly basis, weekly basis or even daily basis?
After having continuous 100 day projects for a year I learned something. I love working with a target or a deadline. It is not 3 month basis or 100 day basis actually but a daily basis. In the case of my project, to complete the 100 days is not my goal or my target. My goal has to do with belief change, something deeper in my mind not just something on paper. It has to do with my understanding something or the way I think of something.
The project has made me to be committed by dedicating my first few hours in the morning for this project everyday. And it has become part of my morning routine. It has become my habit now.
Very recently I had a project with a friend to create a program for the community. The program would a public talk.
Give me a deadline!
When I talked to her on the phone for the first time discussing about what we needed to do to start, I asked to her to submit a topic. Quite instantly she asked me a very surpising yet interesting question ‘When would be the deadline? Give me a deadline!’
I really liked this question. I hardly found anyone with this response. It means to me that she also likes working with a target or a deadline. I said to her the deadline would be in 3 days time. It would be on Wednesday. And she committed to what she asked, she submitted her proposal on Tuesday. One day earlier from the deadline.
She also made time for a meeting with me online to discuss the topic.
Reading my previous post on ’21 day abundance’ someone expressed to me her interest in experimenting it with herself. She was inspired. I called it a project and she called it an experiment. 😊
To give her a more clear picture, I shared to her a list of my daily reflection and also some reflection journals I wrote. This was how I broke down one idea into 100 smaller ideas and how I went deeply into it – my understanding, my experience and also my feeling.
She asked me if I failed along the way, while doing the project, what did I do then? What would be my approach? Did I start from the beginning or did I just continue it?
Actually I always have in my mind that to change a mindset is never an overnight project. It means it is not easy. It also means we may fail. We may do it imperfectly. This is why I made it into 100 days. Enough space for practice. Hopefully the whole belief system inside will get used to it. It is like installing a ‘new program’, the old belief system will react. We need to be ready for an anticipation.
So I don’t consider it as a failure, but much more as a practice. If I consider it as a failure, it would give me a heavy feeling, a pressure. I would easily feel bad about myself. I don’t like this feeling. It doesn’t do any good for my self progress. I am very much aware of this.
I learned how to be consistent and committed to what I wanted to do. I learn how to reflect honestly, how to accept myself, how encourage myself and uplift myself. This is a solo project.
Even after the project was completed, It didn’t make me perfect and that’s fine. I re-run it. I started from tye beginning. I reflected the same points, I wrote it again. I feel the understanding becomes deeper, the feeling becomes stronger. My perspective slowly changed. This made me realize how much patience I should have for myself, for my self change. A change doesn’t happen instantly, it takes time…..hopefuly permanently.
A friend asked me to join her group on abundance challenge not long ago. She was joining the 21 day challenge on abundance. I said to her that I was not able to join it. I joined exactly the same challenge a few years ago.
She asked me if the challenge worked for me or not. I didn’t want to make her demotivated. I said that it worked for me. I completed the challenge for 21 days. I remembered that I was the only one in the group who completed till the day 21st. Then I created my own challenge on the same subject for another 100 days with 100 daily points to reflect. I found having created my own challenge, I became more committed and more encouraged to complete it.
21 days was not enough for me to change a mindset on particular thing, 100 days worked more effectively with me. I enjoyed this challenge more.
It works!!
Most of us do not like any challenge in life, because the challenge is mostly from the external. But this one is created on purpose by yourself, to bring some permanent changes in you, to make you progress. When the challenge is from the internal, you will enjoy it. You will feel excited about it.
I noticed some changes in my attitude around money. I noticed that I became more generous in donating, giving tips to the taxi driver. I don’t overthink after spending money or investing it. I don’t regret for any decision around finance I made even it was not the best decesion. I can easily move on. I become more grateful for any amount of money I have. I give more value to each penny I get. I know what is enough for me.
I am still taking this challenge even up until now.
I shared to my roomates my daily agenda during the retreat time. It was my personal time table. I was very much aware of how I would spend each day and each hour during the retreat. I wanted to give value to my time there and also to give the best benefit for myself.
I wrote down my daily agenda from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. I blocked the time in hours. It is about activities or tasks to do. What made it different is that I put small goals to achieve in the agenda. The goals are the outcomes.
I prepared the agenda on my bed in our dormitory. I said to my roomates who were happenedly there at that time.
‘I made a daily agenda for myself.’ I said. One of them them came to me to have a look at my agenda. I said to her that by having this agenda, I would get a sense of accomplishment for each goal or a task completed. She could relate to my reasoning.
Since a retreat is ussually very much to do with internal work (using mind, intellect and heart) through activities like meditation, reflection, classes, workshop, sharing etc…the outcomes for me would be in the form of a written reflection. So the goal I put in my agenda would be 10 journals a day or 10 written reflections. This was my daily goals, at least.
I blocked the first four hours everyday to write 3 journals on my personal projects – it was about spirituality, health and relationship. One journal each. And I did it in the main hall after meditation. The atmosphere in the hall after morning meditation of a big group was very peaceful and powerful. The hall was almost empty, most of the time, only me stayed in the hall in such morning hours. Most programs were conducted in this hall – especially meditation and classes. Then continued to morning class and breakfast.
I completed another 3 journals of reflection from the morning class before breakfast. I did it outdoor in the corner of the campus while enjoying the morning sun rays and being accompanied by beautiful birds and squirells. It was very nice there. Only after finishing these 3 journals, I went for my breakfast.
Journaling outdoor with this scene was marvelous.
The rest of the 4 journals, I did in the afternoon or evening. I also did some experiments with different timing and also different places including in the park, dining hall, on the roof behind our dormitory or on my bed. This experiment was also fun.
I also put some tasks to complete in my agenda, like doing my laundry and ironing my clothes.
Each time a goal or a task was completed, I was feeling very good. Completing a small task gave me a sense of accomplishment. This is what made me feel so good.
A big success is built in small success everyday. Do not wait till your big goal is accomplished, start enjoying the sense of success from your small accomplishment. It is said that our success is hidden in our daily routine. I think it is so true.
I remember after completing my ironing, carrying my clothes and entering the dormitory, I saw my two roomates were talking to each other. One was sitting on my bed, she is from Germany and the other one was standing near her, the one from UK.
I said to them ‘my life is complete today.’ Hearing this from me, they started laughing. A big laugh. I could see from the face of the one from Germany. It turned red. They could not stop laughing.
‘Was it funny?’ I said in my heart. I just shared my feeling of having a sense of accomplishment of that day. Sharing my happiness.
Then one of them asked me the reason why I made that statement. I said to both of them “My life is complete today because I have done my laundry and also my ironing.”
They might think such a small accomplishment did not deserve that much happiness.
I have shared in this blog that I had my personal projects going on. 3 projects at the same time. This is my personal projects. It has to do with noone except me. I called it a 100-day project. Literally each project was for 100 days.
First one was on spirituality, how I wanted to see myself made a progress in this.
Second project was on health, how I would be more conscious and focused on health, physically, mentally and also emotionally. And this refered to a book I read. I wanted to put more attention and also time on what I learned from that book. I wanted to understand what was written on the book more deeply and if possible I could put it into practice. So it did not only please my ears but also my soul. Or if possible, it could change my soul (my self).
And the third project was on finance. If I wanted to become free from any worries, then that would be free from money worries.
Now those 3 projects are completed. Have I reached my goal? Am I satisfied? Probably I have not reached my goal yet, but I am sure I have made steps towards the goal. I am not standing at the same point where I started. I am not satisfied either. And this is what keeps me going.
If I have to write a note to myself, it would be ‘Thank you for being so honest.’
How do you manage your time? Time is one of our resources in our lives. A very important resource. Other resources would be health, wealth, talents, thoughts, network, relationship etc.
I am going to talk about time here. Time is life itself. To be living means to have time.
A big different between a successful person and unsuccessful one is on how they manage their time. There is a difference between these two.
Successful ones ussually manage their time well, because they value their time, their every second. They know how to use it in a worthwhile way. An important person ussually has a to-do list. It is actually a list of tasks to do. They schedule everything and make sure their priorities are carried out and no task is missed.
Why do we need to do the scheduling? Each one of us has tasks to do everyday, personally and professionally. Our time is limited. When we put them written we tend to do it well because we make time, put our attention and energy there. We keep our focus. We won’t miss it. The schedule will remind us to any task needs to be completed.
How do you make your daily schedule? Do you make it on a digital device? on your smartphone or laptop? This device is really smart, and it will remind you on timely basis with no fail if you are on screen most of the time. But for those who consider themselves need to reduce their screen time, it might not be the best way. The screen will pull your attention. It might become a distraction of your focus instead.
And I realized I am on this second category. I prefer to make my to-do list on my book. I write them down. I bought a very nice book for this. Its pages are blank, no lines and also no dates printed, so I can freely write anything, draw anything too. Ussually I write the list only for that particular day. I put some on a little sticky colored paper if the schedule is still a few days ahead or not yet fixed. Then I stick it on the following blank page.
Every time I put a sign to a completed task written, it gives me a feeling of an accomplishment. A very good feeling. This feeling gives me a direct impact on my life.
I said to a friend that this book was my self-reward for the new year. Probably you also do not need a fancy self-reward, but something that practically change your life though in a small amount.
At the end of every year I am always reminded to resolution that I made in the previous year. Are you always on track with your goals you set up for the year? Are you ready for a new one for the year 2023?
Someone said before setting a new resolution for the coming year, firstly do the review of this year. What has gone well and what haven’t gone well that you need to improve.
I looked up again my files in my ipad in which I always write them down. I named each file “Resolution 2019 Resolution 2020 etc.” I have 4 files for the last four years. I always write them in details having the ‘SMART principle’ for goal setting in my mind. SMART is shortened from – specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bond. Basically a resolution is a goal setting, what you want to achieve during the one year. And for me, it is very much a habit setting, what I am going to do (daily) to achieve that goals. It is very easy to review then. Just ask question ‘Do I do this action? Do I do it regularly? What percentage am I on track?’ Did I make any change along the way?
I was not 100% on track. I was not rigidly following the action plans I have made. I made some changes here and there. I dropped some also. I am a bit flexible but not slacked. When I am inspired to do something differently and in a better way, I am open to adjust. In this way I allow myself to improve and also to grow. I allow some newness to take place.
For example in May this year, I was inspired to make a 100 day project for my self on healing the heart. Of course it was not in my resolution list. I was quite consistent doing it on a daily basis and when it was completed, I decided to continue to another project with a different topic. Along the way I was then also inspired to do project on health and wealth. Now 3 projects are still going on. I will surely sit and prepare my new resolution for 2023. Probably not completely new. I will carry on with my 3 projects.
About this 3 projects, only a few days ago just out of the blue a friend texted me “Hi sister, how are your projects going on?’ This is definitely not a frequently asked question, but the most wanted one. It really blew my mind.
If you want to have one life skill to develop at the moment what would be that life skill?
If someone asks me this question, I would be able to quickly answer it. It would be a decision making. This skill is really essential in life. We make decisions everyday. We live from one decision to another decision. From the time we wake up till the time we go to bed. From the unimportant decision like what to have for breakfast till decision to invest our money or probably to marry someone.
Have you ever made a wrong decision that made you regret afterwards? Are you able to make a decision very quickly or do you make a decision after so much consideration?
I really want to be able to make a quick decision and not have any regret even after a wrong decision is made. I never like the feeling of a regret. This is what I see from a friend.
Many times I made a decision and after actions were taken based on the decision I made, the output was not satisfactory. It was not an accurate decision.
Many times I also made decision with too much consideration. Sometimes too much consideration also made me confused and doubt started creeping in. It takes a bit of time for me to take a decision. I am not considered to be a high risk taker type.
I have a friend who is very quick in decision making including in invesment. A few years ago she decided to buy a unit of an apartment where she lives in now and she made that decision relatively quickly. Sometimes to have less consideration is better. The property developer was credible, and this was the only thing she considered.
She has been living in the apartment for 3 years. The property is well maintained, facilities are also good. She likes living there. I think she has a very good intuition. I never heard from her regreting something due to wrong decisions she made. I think she could easily move on.
Once a decision is made after a consideration, do not attach yourself to the outcomes. Be detached. Be ready for any outcomes. It if fails, be ready to learn to make a better decision. Failure is not fatal.
I remembered how I had the idea of 100-day project. I was with some friends after doing a work together. Each one of us had our duty in that work. I was not quite happy with how I completed my duty. Some even critisized me and it led me feel a bit down. I was feeling so uncomfortable.
One of my friends said to me ‘You need a healing.’ I know he was not really seriously saying it to me but I took it seriously. Yes, I need a healing, I said to myself.
Any emotional discomfort sometimes has led me to process it and finish it. Very often I could finish it through journaling. I ussually take only a few days to finish it and many times I also could finish very quickly. Journaling really helps in processing my feelings.
For this healing, I planned to make it in a project. It was a big one. A few days would not be enough to complete, so I made it in a 100 day project.
How did I work on this project? I worked on it through reflection, meditation and also through journaling.
I told them (my friends) about this plan. Another friend asked me: ‘Why do you not make it in 21 days instead of 100 days?’
It is said that it takes 21 days to create a new habit or a change. She refered to this idea. I said to her ‘21 days won’t be enough. 100 days is more remarkable than 21 days’.
I religiously worked on this project on healing my heart for 100 days and it was completed a few weeks ago. I was feeling so happy.
The habit of working one thing for 100 days has imprinted in the my ‘internal system’. When this project was completed, I did not take time to make another 100 day project. Now I have 3 different projects for 3 different areas of life going on, spirituality, health and finance.
When I shared it to a friend about this 100-day project, he said ‘This is a big project.’ Not sure if he was saying this to me seriously or just to please me.
Song of the Heart 