I remembered how I had the idea of 100-day project. I was with some friends after doing a work together. Each one of us had our duty in that work. I was not quite happy with how I completed my duty. Some even critisized me and it led me feel a bit down. I was feeling so uncomfortable.
One of my frienda said to me ‘You need a healing.’ I know he was not really serious saying it to me but I took it seriously. Yes, I need a healing, I said to myself.
Any emotional discomfort sometimes has led me to process it and finish it. Very often I could finish it through journaling. I ussually take only a few days to finish it and many times I also could finish very quickly. Journaling really helps in processing my feelings.
For this healing, I planned to make it in a project. It was a big one. A few days would not be enough to complete, so I made a 100 day project.
How did I work on this project? I worked on it through reflection, meditation and also through journaling.
I told them (my friends) about this plan. Another friend asked me: ‘Why do you not make it in 21 days instead of 100 days?’
It is said that it takes 21 days to create a new habit or a change. She refered to this idea. I said to her ‘21 days won’t be enough. 100 days is more remarkable than 21 days’.
I religiously worked on this project on healing my heart for 100 days and it was completed a few weeks ago. I was feeling so happy.
The habit of working one thing for 100 days has imprinted in the my ‘internal system’. When this project was completed, I did not take time to make another 100 day project. Now I have 3 different projects or 3 different areas of life going on, spirituality, health and finance.
When I shared it to a friend about this 100-day project, he said ‘This is a big project.’ Not sure if he was saying this to me seriously or just to please me.
During the weekend, last week I joined a 3-day training. It was a long training. I thanked to my best friend who invited me to join this training.
Almost the whole training was about mindset, how to change the mindset and how deal with false beliefs. I think everyone of us has false belief of some areas of our lives. This false belief is also very often limiting us. It doesn’t liberate us. It sometimes even stops us from pursuing our dream.
We were given a handouts for our exercises. There are 72 common false beliefs in one of the exercises and we have to score ourselves on each one.
This training really taught me how to deal with my false beliefs. Easy to be said than done. It doesn’t mean that after the 3 day training all my false beliefs will fly away out of the window. No. It will never happen like that. It always takes some efforts and some times.
Do you find it easy to change your mindset? Have you ever been successful in this?
So what I have to do next is to really internalize it into me so the 3-day effort is not just forgotten easily and does not give me any impact. There has to be an impact on me, I said to myself. If possible a permanent one. And for this internalization, I have made a 100-day project. I go through and work on the 72 false beliefs. One false belief each day. I reflect and ask myself ‘Do you have this belief? What do you understand about this belief? How much has this belief influenced you? How to put it right? etc.’ I then put it in writing, in my journal book. I am still continuing my project now.
I look forward seeing a completely ‘different me’ in 100 days.
Financial Freedom. It sounds really cool. The definition of financial freedom is to have a lifestyle that you desire without having to work or rely on anyone else for money. It is so cool, isn’t it?
Your money works hard for you that all your expenses is covered by your passive income. You don’t need to worry about money. You may spend your whole day, whole week doing something you love. You are carefree.
I remembered when I was in my early 30s, I often discussed with a friend on idea of early retirement. My friend kept saying it to me “Are we going to work like this till the rest of our lives? I think we need to have a courage to resign and do what we love.” The idea also sounded really cool.
By the way we did not work for the same company. She was working for a bank at that time. I am not sure what she was doing exactly. She was only in her late 20s. So she is younger than me. To follow the passion is cool. It definitely needs some preparation and calculation.
I didn’t know about financial freedom at that time. You need to make some preparation for your financial freedom. It takes some works, also some disciplines.
Looking back to that time and today with the financial crisis in front us, if I took the decision to retire early, it was going to be the decision I would regret. Taking a really big risk in life without thinking it really deeply.
How much money do you need to have your financial freedom? Eveybody would have a different amount. Freedom is more a feeling, something non-physical. When you have to put a number to something feeling-based, then it will be quite different from one person to another. And there is nothing wrong with any number someone puts. It very much depends on the readiness of the heart in each one.
Are you wealthy? What comes into your mind when you hear this word, wealth?
Only a few weeks ago, I had to talk about being wealthy and staying wealthy. I made a disclaimer that I am not wealthy in a sense of having a lot of wealth like properties, money, stocks, bonds, crypto etc. I still have a morgage to pay, car loan and also credit card to settle. So I don’t consider myself to be wealthy in this sense.
Am I feeling wealthy? I can quickly answer this question and my answer is ‘yes’. I know my feeling. Probably I am the best person in the world who know what is in my heart (my feeling). I think noone is better than me in this.
Feeling is generated by the heart. It is firstly generated in the mind in the form of thought. So to feel wealthy, actually you do not need anything from outside. You can create any thought you want, and your heart will follow. The heart will create the feeling accordingly. When the mind and the heart are not conflicting, they will work together. They seem to trust to each other.
The hardest task for each one of us is probably to make the head and the heart coherent or not conflicting. It is to make them trust each other. When it happens, then whatever thoughts you create, you will feel it accordingly.
Can you recall any moment when you try really hard in your head to convince yourself, yet your heart doesn’t get conviced? Or do you always find it vwry easy to convince yourself?
When your mind says ‘I am wealthy’, your heart quickly agrees and creates a feeling of having enough or fulfilled.
Very recently I was invited to give a sharing session by a company for their managers. It has become a regular event in the company as development program for their employees. I talked to the general manager of the company and asked about the topic they wanted me to share. In corporates, the most popular topic is related to soft competencies like leadership, communication, decision making, coaching etc. I am aware that many people out there are probably better than me in delivering those topics. I reluctantly offered the general manager if I could share on dealing emotions through journaling. I think it is not a popular topic in corporate, at least here. Somebody said to me that writing is not popular in most Asian countries. Surprisingly he was interested to this topic.
I was very excited preparing the presentation. I focused on the audiences, what they might need relating to deal with emotions in their day-to-day life in office. No one is free from negative emotions. Ussully the trigger is the people they work with, either their co-workers, subordinates, bosses or even customers and clients.
I remember what has brought me to journaling was also from a situation in office. In fact I have to thank to my co-worker who had taken a credit from me in a meeting and it triggered my emotion. I realized I was feeling very uncomfortable and low. I also remember I said to myself “I need to do something”. Surely not paying back to her, but dealing the feeling inside. and I didn’t know what to do at that time. Similar situation might be reoccurring in office and I don’t like the feeling. The situation in the meeting and the feeling have led me to a book on how to deal with negative emotion. This book said that the reason of each and every negative emotion is an expectation. This was just the book I needed to read. Probably God has arranged it for me and given me a way.
I said to myself “Okay, from now on I need to know each and every expectation I created that had triggered my emotion”. And not only knowing it, but also writing it. Since then I have been processing my emotions and expectation in writing.
Use the SMART formula. This is th same formula you can use for a goal setting. Anyway a resolution is also a goal. You set the goal and then achieve it. SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bond.
You need to include your subconscious mind in manifesting what you want. And only when you make it specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bond your subconscious mind will understand what you want. It is your subconscious mind (conscience) that will guide you to achieve that goal. It knows the way to achieve it. So by setting your goal or your resolution in a very clear way, are actually communicate what you want to your conscience in a better way.
When I conducted a workshop on this topic, some audiences shared more ‘qualitative’ resolution like ‘I want to become a kind person’ ‘I don’t want to take sorrow from anybody’. To this qualitative goals, you can’t use the same formula but you definitely still need to make it clear to your self (your subconscious mind). Don’t just leave it there like that, you need to define the goal more detailed. How? Ask yourself, what do you mean by being a kind person? Why do you want to become one? How would you know that you are becoming a kinder person day by day? And the most important question is ‘What would you do everyday to make you this?’ This is a question for an action plan. A regular action that you are committed to take everyday. A resolution without an action would remain a wish or a dream. It won’t become a reality. A commitment is really essential for a successful resolution.
What do you mean by not taking sorrow from anybody? Why do you think you need to do this? How would you check yourself everyday that you are not taking sorrow from anyone? What are you going to do if you take sorrow with no intention? How would you deal with it? What would you say to yourself? How would you do for a self-check?
The clearer your resolution, the easier your subconscious mind will help you to manifest it. This is really the key!
I remember I made a resolution of becoming a more minimalist. And that meant to me to be less acquiring stuff. I made it very specific for clothings. Maximum 5 new clothes for one year. It is measurable. I was not a shopaholics but I thought I needed to do this. I did the same thing with shoes and bags. No new bag and no new shoes during that one year. I shared this resolution to a friend only a few months after January. And I confessed to her that I had bought more than ten clothes. And she said ‘You have failed already.’ I didn’t want to take her comment on me being a failure personally. I knew it would weaken me mentally. I said to my self instead ‘I will keep doing with this resolution. I don’t want to quit.’ I wanted to know myself how far I could go with my resolution by the end of the year. I could measure my failure at end of the year.
If you fail in making your resolution, don’t stop and start thinking that you are a failure, and feeling bad about yourself. No, you are a learner. You keep learning from the failure and you become better. Don’t listen to anybody.
It was Friday evening last week. We were heading to a weekend. I always love weekend. I decided to hang out after office hour. Just a spontaneous decision. I went to the nearest a hang-out place. The building is not modern and really big one but so cozy. It has coffee shops, restaurants, bakery, juice counter, stationary shop and also pharmacy on ground floor and first floor. It has a cinema and a gym on the third floor. It also has an outdoor park with little ponds and a fountain. It is my favorite place for a my short break from office.
It has become a good meeting place for many people especially during lunch time and after office hours. And the good thing is that it is only a walking distance from my office.
I thought I needed a self-reward, I decided to enjoyed my favorite drink at the nearest Starbucks Coffee, alone. I was sitting in one of the corners, in a long wooden table, facing a big glass window in front of me. I can see people were passing by through the window. Trust me, I really enjoyed it.
I realized that it was the everyday scene before the pandemic. I had missed this scene for a long time. There was so much joy inside me. I wishpered to myself ‘The vibe is back’.
My mission after having recovered from Covid-19 was to inspire many people to be fearless in dealing with Covid-19 in particular and in facing their life in general. Through several events onlines I have done this. It is accomplished somehow. Through ‘30 Minutes Celebration, free from covid’ I shared basically to my friends and colleagues only, still not many people. So I still need to continue this mission, to reach more people. And of course through sharing in this blog too.
When I shared this to a friend, he said ‘the next mission will be not to get reinfected’. I think he is right. absolutely right. Because we will never be completely free from Covid-19. I have got recovered at the moment, but it doesn’t guarantee that I will be free from the virus forever. This virus will stay with us, around us and close to us forever. There will be a new strain and another new strain and another one. They will keep coming, because that is also the way they survive on this planet. They also have right for their survival. There will be no other choice for us, except to be ready, to keep protecting ourselves and staying safe.
Human being is sometimes called a reaction machine. To react easily. To be reactive is to act without thinking. When we are angry, we tend to react. Anger is an emotion. It is not permanent, it is temporary. It takes a very short time to release anger. When an anger is not controlled, very often it leaves us a regret. The anger doesn’t stay long, but the regret may stay longer.
How to be free from anger and not becoming a reaction mechine? Work on the root cause of the anger. Work on the pain that causes your anger. Many times it is an emotional pain, not a physical pain. Work on the emotional level. If the reason of your anger is a feeling of being unworthy, work on it, start realizing your self-worth and become worthy. If the reason of your anger is a feeling of hurt, deal with that hurt and start the healing.
Know your pain, realize it is there. Don’t deny it! Accept that pain and start dealing with that pain. Empower yourself and make yourself strong enough. Anger is not a strength, it is a weakness. If you can stay calm and not react easily, then you are strong inside. It is the real strength.
Anger is not a basic emotion. Anger is often a reaction to a pain. It can be a physical pain, like tiredness, hunger, thirst or other pain of the body or mental pain like sadness, insecurities, feeling hurt, feeling unworthy etc. Any of these pain may trigger an anger.
I always avoid scheduling a meeting close to lunch time. I remember when I was mentoring some mentees for a management training program, and they were scheduling for their final project presentation, I always suggested either early in the morning or after lunch time. It was a presentation in front of managers as the panelists. When people are hungry, they tend to become a slightly short-tempered, make wrong judgement or make inaccurate decision.
Anger is an emotion, so it should be managed. Anger that is not managed may become so distructive. E-motion is an energy in motion, it should be expressed not suppressed. To express an anger is to release it and to finish it. It doesn’t mean that if you are angry with someone and you will need to shout at her or him or speak with a high-toned voice. No! It is a destructive way. Someone said when you do that, it will hurt that person and he or she will remember or probably carry that hurt for another six months. It is not to finish the anger then.
What is the way to release this emotion that is not desctructive? It is advised to move away from the situation for a little while. If you stay there, you will tend to react unnecessarily like shouting, blaming, complaining or criticizing. You might not be able to control your words. Ussually you will end it up with regret. It creates another emotion. When you physically move away, your mental focus is switched. It allows yourself to take a mental break. It will become effective to avoid you from reacting. Any emotion is temporary, so you need to deal with it so well in that short period of time. You will surely calm down soon. Just make sure not to react when the temper is rising.