What do you expect from a relationship? There is an expectation in almost all relationships we have. We might not be aware of it until our heart gets hurt.
What do we do then? We stay away from those who have hurt our hearts. This is the easiest way, not necessarily the right way nor effective way. We stay away physically, though mentally we might still think about it. We still carry this hurt in our mind. Sometimes we also speak about it to people. Everytime we are giving our attention (energy) to it, the hurt becomes stronger. We sustain the hurt through this way.
The weak one will do that. But the courageous one will work on the inside. They will realize the expection they have from the relationship that they thought has given that hurt, and start working on it. It needs courage. To deal with the self always needs more courage. Many people are not ready to see themselves being fragile and weak inside. But if you choose this way, you will become so strong inside. Your heart is strong and protected. And you will stop blaming anyone or situation to be the reason for your hurt. Because it is always the expectation!
We have come to the end of January and we are going to leave it very soon. I feel new year was just yesterday. Time flies so fast. Do you think so?
I am going to write about a resolution. A new year resolution. New year has passed, but I think it is still valid to talk about it. If I don’t have made one on the 1st January, I would not feel bad about it. I free myself to make it anytime during the year. I also free myself to make some revision on what I have made. Anyway it is all for me and what I am going to do with me and my life.
Do you have any fear in life? What is your biggest fear? If someone asks me this question, I can give my honest answer very quickly. My biggest fear is to become broke. I am afraid of having no money and I can’t afford buying anything I need. I think being broke really sucks. Sometimes I feel embarrased when I am sharing this to people. But I think to feel embarrased also means to have another fear. So I decided to just share it.
One of my last year resolutions was to live like I was broke. Let me live like I am broke before I really become broke. I remembered one of the Buddhist teachings that relates to this. It says ‘Die before you die. When you die, you don’t die’. It is very enlightening, isn’t it? So I set myself to become like I was broke in spending. I tried my best to be less spending. I know some people are having no spending challenge. I think this is a cool idea. No spending week or no spending month or even no spending year.
When I just made this resolution I shared it to a friend, she looked shocked hearing this from me. I still remember her expression on her face, but it was not the first time for me to make her shocked.
I learned one thing from having this resolution last year, I became more aware of the value of money. I became more mindful in spending.
If someone asks you what you want to have for your heart, what would be your answer?
The other day I was sharing with a friend that I wanted to have an open and big heart. A heart that can love everybody. A heart that can accommodate everybody. A heart that will exclude or reject nobody. Everybody is included. Each one can experience a sense of belonging. This is the heart that can bring everybody close to each other where each one feels secured and safe. A heart that is whole.
Do you think it is possible?
Each one’s heart might have been broken into pieces these days. It is not whole any more. It might also have a lot of wounds and also scares. Somebody might be holding a little piece of his heart and the other is holding another little piece. Those two little pieces can not accomodate each other. You can not share your heart if it is broken into pieces. It is too small to share. A broken heart is a small and very limited heart. There is disunity when each one’s heart is broken.
I said to him that I have made this thought into a ‘must have’ menu in my meditation everyday. I visualize people of the whole world as one big family. We belong to One. I invite them to sit in my open and big heart.
I remember I was meeting with a friend. We were sitting in a coffee shop. It happened before the pandemic. Both of us are interested in journaling. We were sharing about how we were doing our journaling. When I was talking suddenly she stopped me and said to me “Tini, I think you have a very good energy.” I realize that whenever I am talking about journaling, I always speak with a great interest. Because I am so passionate about it. When there is passion, there is love, happiness and enthusiasm. This generates energy. People can feel this energy.
Each one of us vibrates energy to the atmosphere every moment, whether we are speaking or not. Each one of us contributes to the atmosphere. Thought is energy. Our mind never stops generating thoughts. Our being (consciousness) is constantly generating this energy to the atmosphere. This vibration creates frequency. The higher the consciousness, the higher the frequency that is created. What thoughts have high frequency? Thought of peace, happiness, love etc. What thoughts have low vibration? Thought of regret, guilt, anger, blame, fear, shame etc.
What thoughts and vibrations are created around the world collectively for the past one year? probably of worries, of uncertainties, of fear. The world now needs high vibration. Vibe so high!
Who wants to live abundantly? Everybody wants to have an abundant life. To have an abundant life means to experience that I have nothing lacking in my life. To experience gratitude more often. I think it has to do with mindset. It is about how you create it in your mind and then feel it in your heart – having an abundant mindset and a big heart.
A few months ago I joined a 21 Days challenge of abundance with friends and I thought to rerun this challenge for myself. I call it as Abundance Project. Since I do it personally, I don’t have to follow the original guidance of this challenge. I do not make it into 21 days either. It is more than 30 days now. I still do not know when to finish it. I free myself for this. This project is more about a morning reflection on this topic everyday and put it in writing. I go into the depth of the different aspects of this topic. Write different thoughts of abundance. It helps me to see abundance in life within me, around me, in nature and in time of the past, the present and the future. If you can see abundance, your heart will become content. You develop gratitude. Where there is contentment, all the other inner powers will come.
My friend is a teacher in a school. She teaches the secondary level students. She said that her school will start to have a face-to-face class in January. But it will work only for secondary level students. They would have both, a face to face and online class at the same time. If the parents do not want to send their kids to the face-to-face, then they can still join the online one. It would be a challenge for the teacher to teach this way. She said that it would not be applied for little kids. Little kids can not practise social distancing.
I remembered a couple years ago when neighbors’ kids were still small, I loved having them playing in my house. I think kids are very genuine in their hearts, they are pure and innocent. Sometimes they made a mess in my house. I miss the scene now because some of those kids have grown up. They don’t play anymore. They prefer socializing with their teenaged friends. I had my neighbors‘s kids in my house yesterday. I noticed that they have changed their toys they play with. They are using gadget now. This kid in yellow is teaching how to use an apps to the other kid.
How can ask them to practise social distancing while they are playing? How can we tell them not to sit close to each other? I then remembered what my friend said, it is very difficult for kids to practise social distancing. At least I reminded them to put their masks on.
How much do you pay attention to what people think about you? For what you are wearing, for what you are eating or not eating, for what you have or what you don’t have, for what you are doing and also for what you are not doing?
How much do you free yourself from people’s opinion about you? Is people’s opinion about you bothering you? You can not stop what people think about you. It is not in your control. Why should you be bothered? You are responsible for what you are putting into your mind. You are not responsible for what they are creating in their mind about you. Don’t get bothered by what they are creating. Just be genuine to yourself.
It is very liberating when you can free yourself from people’s opinion about you. You will experience your inner peace very easily. Sometimes ignorance is a bliss.
Yesterday was Diwali festival. Indian people celebrate this festival every year. This is also called a festival of light. People lit lights in their home last night. They were inviting goddess Laksmi for wealth. That’s what I heard from my Indian friend.
I am interested in understanding the spiritual meaning of any festival. Why light? What is the significance behind it? The form of a soul is light. A soul is remembered as a very tiny point of light. It is behind our two physical eyes. Some call it as the third eye or the divine eye. Why divine? It is to see the truth. To see means to understand. A soul has intellect to understand everything. When the intellect is open, it is said to be enlightened. But when the intellect is closed, it said to be ignorant. We can not see the soul with our physical eyes, but have you ever meet someone who is ‘shining’ very brightly? You can see a beautiful light from her eyes. Very pure. We are not talking about physical light, this is spiritual light. The soul can feel this light.
Diwali is remembered as a festival to lit the light of the soul. Become a light for the world.
I have received this greeting from a friend, David who has been staying in India for the last 25 years. He is an artist and also a musician. He said to me that he was celebrating Diwali this year in a more quiet way (because of the lockdown). He enjoyed the solitude and the silence. In fact the soul needs solitude and silence to be enlightened.
It is said “pay attention to what you remember”. I have been hearing this many times. So I thought there might be some truth in it.
To remember is to plug your thinking into something. When it is plugged, you will then start being influenced by it. A feeling will be created based on what you remember. This feeling creates your internal state, your internal reality. When you are influenced, you are not the ruler in your internal kingdom.
If you are feeling unhappy, ask yourself “What have I been remembering?” You will then quickly know why you feel unhappy. It is not that someone has made you unhappy. No. You have let yourself get influenced.
So really pay attention to what you remember, to what you are plugging your thinking into.
Life is about remembering and forgetting. Sometimes we just make a little mistake. The little mistake is that we remember what we should forget and we forget what we should remember. Pay attention to this and start creating your life by creating your internal reality.
I think everyone of us has a moment in life when we are down. We feel ourselves in a low state (mental state). You don’t want to let yourself in that low state forever, do you?
What do you do when you are down? How can you make yourself up again? How will you give yourself an encouragment or an energy booster? You can not always find someone to cheer you up, to uplift you. In that situation, you need to find a way to bring your state high.
Make time for yourself and being with yourself. Listen to your heart. Understand the thoughts you keep in your mind that make you feel what you are feeling (feeling low). Then speak to yourself genuinely. Encourage yourself. This is also called a self-affirmation. We need to do this.
Then a friend said “Is it not like sabotaging yourself by telling you are good when in fact you know you are not good?”
If you are now feeling low, check your thoughts. What kind of thoughts have you been keeping in your mind? Be honest in this. This is an internal check. Only you can do it. No one else can do it for you or help you. Not your spouse nor your “soul mate”. This is an individual inner work. To do an honest checking means you need to make time just to be with yourself. Can you do this?
If you are honest enough, you might realize that these are the noise that keep playing in your head. “You are not good enough. “You are weak.” “You are unlovable.” “No one likes you.” These thoughts have sabotaged you and made you BELIEVE it. You feel what you believe. That low state doesn’t come suddenly. It takes time.
Now do the same. Keep telling yourself that you are good enough. You are worthed. You are lovable. You are special. Make yourself believe what you are telling to yourself. I know it also takes time. But if you understand that this is the way to bring yourself up again, will you not do this?