It is not a failure!

Reading my previous post on ’21 day abundance’  someone expressed to me her interest in experimenting it with herself. She was inspired. I called it a project and she called it an experiment. 😊

To give her a more clear picture, I shared to her a list of my daily reflection and also some reflection journals I wrote. This was how I broke down one idea into 100 smaller ideas and how I went deeply into it – my understanding, my experience and also my feeling.

She asked me if I failed along the way, while doing the project, what did I do then? What would be my approach? Did I start from the beginning or did I just continue it?

Actually I always have in my mind that to change a mindset is never an overnight project. It means it is not easy. It also means we may fail. We may do it imperfectly. This is why I made it into 100 days. Enough space for practice. Hopefully the whole belief system inside will get used to it. It is like installing a ‘new program’, the old belief system will react. We need to be ready for an anticipation.

So I don’t consider it as a failure, but much more as a practice. If I consider it as a failure, it would give me a heavy feeling, a pressure. I would easily feel bad about myself. I don’t like this feeling. It doesn’t do any good for my self progress. I am very much aware of this.

I learned how to be consistent and committed to what I wanted to do. I learn how to reflect honestly, how to accept myself, how encourage myself and uplift myself. This is a solo project.

Even after the project was completed, It didn’t make me perfect and that’s fine. I re-run it. I started from tye beginning. I reflected the same points, I wrote it again. I feel the understanding becomes deeper, the feeling becomes stronger. My perspective slowly changed. This made me realize how much patience I should have for myself, for my self change. A change doesn’t happen instantly, it takes time…..hopefuly permanently.

21 Day Abundance

A friend asked me to join her group on abundance challenge not long ago. She was joining the 21 day challenge on abundance. I said to her that I was not able to join it. I joined exactly the same challenge a few years ago.

She asked me if the challenge worked for me or not. I didn’t want to make her demotivated. I said that it worked for me. I completed the challenge for 21 days. I remembered that I was the only one in the group who completed till the day 21st. Then I created my own challenge on the same subject for another 100 days with 100 daily points to reflect. I found having created my own challenge, I became more committed and more encouraged to complete it.

21 days was not enough for me to change a mindset on particular thing, 100 days worked more effectively with me. I enjoyed this challenge more.

It works!!

Most of us do not like any challenge in life, because the challenge is mostly from the external. But this one is created on purpose by yourself, to bring some permanent changes in you, to make you progress. When the challenge is from the internal, you will enjoy it. You will feel excited about it.

I noticed some changes in my attitude around money. I noticed that I became more generous in donating, giving tips to the taxi driver. I don’t overthink after spending money or investing it. I don’t regret for any decision around finance I made even it was not the best decesion. I can easily move on. I become more grateful for any amount of money I have. I give more value to each penny I get. I know what is enough for me.

I am still taking this challenge even up until now.

My life is complete today

I shared to my roomates my daily agenda during the retreat time. It was my personal time table. I was very much aware of how I would spend each day and each hour during the retreat. I wanted to give value to my time there and also to give the best benefit for myself.

I wrote down my daily agenda from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. I blocked the time in hours. It is about activities or tasks to do. What made it different is that I put small goals to achieve in the agenda. The goals are the outcomes.

I prepared the agenda on my bed in our dormitory. I said to my roomates who were happenedly there at that time.

‘I made a daily agenda for myself.’ I said. One of them them came to me to have a look at my agenda.  I said to her that by having this agenda, I would get a sense of accomplishment for each goal or a task completed. She could relate to my reasoning.

Since a retreat is ussually very much to do with internal work (using mind, intellect and heart) through activities like meditation, reflection, classes, workshop, sharing etc…the outcomes for me would be in the form of a written reflection. So the goal I put in my agenda would be 10 journals a day or 10 written reflections. This was my daily goals, at least.

I blocked the first four hours everyday to write 3 journals on my personal projects – it was about spirituality, health and relationship. One journal each. And I did it in the main hall after meditation. The atmosphere in the hall after morning meditation of a big group was very peaceful and powerful. The hall was almost empty, most of the time, only me stayed in the hall in such morning hours. Most  programs were conducted in this hall – especially meditation and classes. Then continued to morning class and breakfast.

I completed another 3 journals of reflection from the morning class before breakfast. I did it outdoor in the corner of the campus while enjoying the morning sun rays and being accompanied by beautiful birds and squirells. It was very nice there. Only after finishing these 3 journals, I went for my breakfast.

Journaling outdoor with this scene was marvelous.

The rest of the 4 journals, I did in the afternoon or evening. I also did some experiments with different timing and also different places including in the park, dining hall, on the roof behind our dormitory or on my bed. This experiment was also fun.

I also put some tasks to complete in my agenda, like doing my laundry and ironing my clothes.

Each time a goal or a task was completed, I was feeling very good. Completing a small task gave me a sense of accomplishment. This is what made me feel so good.

A big success is built in small success everyday. Do not wait till your big goal is accomplished, start enjoying the sense of success from your small accomplishment. It is said that our success is hidden in our daily routine. I think it is so true.

I remember after completing my ironing, carrying my clothes and entering the dormitory, I saw my two roomates were talking to each other. One was sitting on my bed, she is from Germany and the other one was standing near her, the one from UK.

I said to them ‘my life is complete today.’ Hearing this from me, they started laughing. A big laugh. I could see from the face of the one from Germany. It turned red. They could not stop laughing.

‘Was it funny?’ I said in my heart. I just shared my feeling of having a sense of accomplishment of that day. Sharing my happiness.

Then one of them asked me the reason why I made that statement. I said to both of them “My life is complete today because I have done my laundry and also my ironing.”

They might think such a small accomplishment did not deserve that much happiness.

My to do list

How do you manage your time? Time is one of our resources in our lives. A very important resource. Other resources would be health, wealth, talents, thoughts, network, relationship etc.

I am going to talk about time here. Time is life itself. To be living means to have time.

A big different between a successful person and unsuccessful one is on how they manage their time. There is a difference between these two.

Successful ones ussually manage their time well, because they value their time, their every second. They know how to use it in a worthwhile way. An important person ussually has a to-do list. It is actually a list of tasks to do. They schedule everything and make sure their priorities are carried out and no task is missed.

Why do we need to do the scheduling? Each one of us has tasks to do everyday, personally and professionally. Our time is limited. When we put them written we tend to do it well because we make time, put our attention and energy there. We keep our focus. We won’t miss it. The schedule will remind us to any task needs to be completed.

How do you make your daily schedule? Do you make it on a digital device? on your smartphone or laptop? This device is really smart, and it will remind you on timely basis with no fail if you are on screen most of the time. But for those who consider themselves need to reduce their screen time, it might not be the best way. The screen will pull your attention. It might become a distraction of your focus instead.

And I realized I am on this second category. I prefer to make my to-do list on my book. I write them down. I bought a very nice book for this. Its pages are blank, no lines and also no dates printed, so I can freely write anything, draw anything too. Ussually I write the list only for that particular day. I put some on a little sticky colored paper if the schedule is still a few days ahead or not yet fixed. Then I stick it on the following blank page.

Every time I put a sign to a completed task written, it gives me a feeling of an accomplishment. A very good feeling. This feeling gives me a direct impact on my life.

I said to a friend that this book was my self-reward for the new year. Probably you also do not need a fancy self-reward, but something that practically change your life though in a small amount.

A failure is not fatal

If you want to have one life skill to develop at the moment what would be that life skill?

If someone asks me this question, I would be able to quickly answer it. It would be a decision making. This skill is really essential in life. We make decisions everyday. We live from one decision to another decision. From the time we wake up till the time we go to bed. From the unimportant decision like what to have for breakfast till decision to invest our money or probably to marry someone.

Have you ever made a wrong decision that made you regret afterwards? Are you able to make a decision very quickly or do you make a decision after so much consideration?

I really want to be able to make a quick decision and not have any regret even after a wrong decision is made. I never like the feeling of a regret. This is what I see from a friend.

Many times I made a decision and after actions were taken based on the decision I made, the output was not satisfactory. It was not an accurate decision.

Many times I also made decision with too much consideration. Sometimes too much consideration also made me confused and doubt started creeping in. It takes a bit of time for me to take a decision. I am not considered to be a high risk taker type.

I have a friend who is very quick in decision making including in invesment. A few years ago she decided to buy a unit of an apartment where she lives in now and she made that decision relatively quickly. Sometimes to have less consideration is better. The property developer was credible, and this was the only thing she considered.

She has been living in the apartment for 3 years. The property is well maintained,  facilities are also good. She likes living there. I think she has a very good intuition. I never heard from her regreting something due to wrong decisions she made. I think she could easily move on.

Once a decision is made after a consideration, do not attach yourself to the outcomes. Be detached. Be ready for any outcomes. It if fails, be ready to learn to make a better decision. Failure is not fatal.

A big project

I remembered how I had the idea of 100-day project. I was with some friends after doing a work together. Each one of us had our duty in that work. I was not quite happy with how I completed my duty. Some even critisized me and it led me feel a bit down. I was feeling so uncomfortable.

One of my friends said to me ‘You need a healing.’ I know he was not really seriously saying it to me but I took it seriously. Yes, I need a healing, I said to myself.

Any emotional discomfort sometimes has led me to process it and finish it.  Very often I could finish it through journaling. I ussually take only a few days to finish it and many times I also could finish very quickly. Journaling really helps in processing my feelings.

For this healing, I planned to make it in a project. It was a big one. A few days would not be enough to complete, so I made it in a 100 day project.

How did I work on this project?
I worked on it through reflection, meditation and also through journaling.

I told them (my friends) about this plan. Another friend asked me: ‘Why do you not make it in 21 days instead of 100 days?’

It is said that it takes 21 days to create a new habit or a change. She refered to this idea. I said to her ‘21 days won’t be enough. 100 days is more remarkable than 21 days’.

I religiously worked on this project on healing my heart for 100 days and it was completed a few weeks ago. I was feeling so happy.

The habit of working one thing for 100 days has imprinted in the my ‘internal system’. When this project was completed, I did not take time to make another 100 day project. Now I have 3 different projects for 3 different areas of life going on, spirituality, health and finance.

When I shared it to a friend about this 100-day project, he said ‘This is a big project.’ Not sure if he was saying this to me seriously or just to please me.

Feeling wealthy

Are you wealthy? What comes into your mind when you hear this word, wealth?

Only a few weeks ago, I had to talk about being wealthy and staying wealthy. I made a disclaimer that I am not wealthy in a sense of having a lot of wealth like properties, money, stocks, bonds, crypto etc. I still have a morgage to pay, car loan and also credit card to settle. So I don’t consider myself to be wealthy in this sense.

Am I feeling wealthy? I can quickly answer this question and my answer is ‘yes’. I know my feeling. Probably I am the best person in the world who know what is in my heart (my feeling). I think noone is better than me in this.

Feeling is generated by the heart. It is firstly generated in the mind in the form of thought. So to feel wealthy, actually you do not need anything from outside. You can create any thought you want, and your heart will follow. The heart will create the feeling accordingly. When the mind and the heart are not conflicting, they will work together. They seem to trust to each other.

The hardest task for each one of us is probably to make the head and the heart coherent or not conflicting. It is to make them trust each other. When it happens, then whatever thoughts you create, you will feel it accordingly.

Can you recall any moment when you try really hard in your head to convince yourself, yet your heart doesn’t get conviced? Or do you always find it vwry easy to convince yourself?

When your mind says ‘I am wealthy’, your heart quickly agrees and creates a feeling of having enough or fulfilled.

Don’t wait till perfect

When you are building a habit, a good habit of course, you need to be ready to accept imperfection.

I have been starting a new habit of recording my expenses since 3 years ago. And I have made it into a habit now. I can do it consistently without feeling burdened.

I have made an analysis and used it as a consideration when I make a financial decision. I become my own financial controller. I am fully aware of each and every expense. I become more mindful in shopping. I give more value into what I spent. And it works!

When I shared it to a friend, he asked in which category I put the toll fee and parking fee. I realized that I had not put these expenses into my list. The reason is, I always made the payment through electronic money, so I do not take the receipt after making the payment. So I have missed these expenses. Little amount though, but frequent.

Less emotion is involved in e-payment

I don’t need to feel bad or not perfect about this missing. I accept any room for my improvement. I accept my imperfection.

When things get easier bacause of technology, in this case using an e-payment or a payment card then emotion is less involved. Then it also means less self-controlled.

Hold yourself back

If you are working in a corporate where you have to deal with colleagues, where different heads involve, you might feel the challenge in communication has become greater and greater these days, especially during the pandemic. Emails and messages are more frequently used than a conventional meeting or even communication on the phone. Very often misunderstanding is inevitable. Small problem seems to become very big. A simple problem may become complicated. Everyone is working in their “limited space”. Friction among colleagues may occur very quickly and easily. Noone is comfortable in such a situation. I think we need to keep our heads cold a lot these days. Hold yourself back and do not react. So we can still think very clearly and not easily get provoked.

When a colleague was calling me, discussing a business process that had  not been completed for several weeks and people had started making assumption and judgement, I was quickly aware that a misunderstanding had been taking place among us. I thought I should make it clear for everybody so they stopped making their assumption and judgement which had made the situation worse. In this situation, I knew the problem very clearly, I knew what made the process not completed.

I listened to her talking on the phone. I was surprised how a simple problem had become so complicated. I kept my head cold and said to her “I understand your situation, I appreciate your effort to solve this problem. Please now stop talking to everybody about this for not making it more complicated.”

I made it clear that day. I left a note to her with a smile ‘May everyone stay peaceful’.

The spontaneity is lost

A friend was telling me about her 12 years old daughter. She has been showing some rebellious acts recently. And it has made her so worried. I met this teenaged girl a few years ago when she was only seven. She was just so adorable to me. She had a very kind and gentle heart, a super loving girl. I think my friend is a wonderful mom for her kids. She teaches good values to them since very young age. She gives them so much love as well as teaches them discipline. It was very obvious to me in her kids. I find in many children this pure and innocent personality. There is so much spontaneity.

This personality is expressed genuinely till they become teenagers. Then everything changes. The consciousness starts processing self-identity. Children don’t need to process this, this is why children are more spontaneous. The ego starts to develop. Teenagers become more aware of themselves, of who they are, of what people may think about them. And they start comparing themselves to people a lot. This comparation often leads to the feelings of insecurities or arrogance in them. Insecurities and arrogance are the products of ego. Teenagers starts processing the identity of themselves, they start seeking in the adults around them. They are also seeking in their peers. Then they are processing it internally. They need the adults around them to understand and accept them. They need some approval and encouragement to make the internal process easier. So they feel supported and loved. This is what they need.

My friend wanted me to talk to her daughter. I tried to understand her phase and situation. I didn’t want to preach her of course. I knew it was not what she needed. I reminded her how I saw her when she was much younger as a super loving and kind girl. I reminded her of how much I loved her.

This world nowadays might be very hard on young people especially for those who are still going through this internal process of seeking.