If you are working in a corporate where you have to deal with colleagues, where different heads involve, you might feel the challenge in communication has become greater and greater these days, especially during the pandemic. Emails and messages are more frequently used than a conventional meeting or even communication on the phone. Very often misunderstanding is inevitable. Small problem seems to become very big. A simple problem may become complicated. Everyone is working in their “limited space”. Friction among colleagues may occur very quickly and easily. Noone is comfortable in such a situation. I think we need to keep our heads cold a lot these days. Hold yourself back and do not react. So we can still think very clearly and not easily get provoked.
When a colleague was calling me, discussing a business process that had not been completed for several weeks and people had started making assumption and judgement, I was quickly aware that a misunderstanding had been taking place among us. I thought I should make it clear for everybody so they stopped making their assumption and judgement which had made the situation worse. In this situation, I knew the problem very clearly, I knew what made the process not completed.
I listened to her talking on the phone. I was surprised how a simple problem had become so complicated. I kept my head cold and said to her “I understand your situation, I appreciate your effort to solve this problem. Please now stop talking to everybody about this for not making it more complicated.”
I made it clear that day. I left a note to her with a smile ‘May everyone stay peaceful’.
When I shared my blog post on the process of self-identity on teenagers to someone, he said that this process is a part of a life cycle. I completely agreed with him on this. Everybody goes through this phase in their lives. Some are quite aware of the process, but many are not really aware of it. Some take the process very seriously (if not very heavily), and some take it very lightly. Since it is a cycle so it has to be completed, if not completed then it won’t be called a cycle. Not necessarily in one life.
It took me years to process this. I should say that it was not an easy one, so much frustration along the way. I didn’t see any guarantee for a success. Looking back, it was like an adventure. I realized that the harder I made it for myself, the less successful it became and the farther away I became from my true self. So I decided not to be hard on myself in this process. I made myself more open and honest to myself. I really made time for this. The feeling was more acceptance, more forgiving and least resistance internally. Now I have a very clear idea of who I am, what I am and what the future would be in my awareness. I am completing the process and I keep learning.
Even though it is a life cycle, it doesn’t mean that there is a guarantee for everybody to complete the process of understanding who they are before they die. Some even do not really know what they want to pursue in life, what they want to do in life. A father just lost his daughter quite suddenly. A few days before she left her body, she talked to him about her plan a bit. She just graduated from college. I think he made a very honest statement about her daughter that she knew what she didn’t like to do very well, what she was not passionate about, but she didn’t know what she liked to do.
Death doesn’t mean the end of everything. It doesn’t automatically end this process. The life cycle is definitely completed for the body, but not for the soul. Because it is the soul that has been seeking, it is the spirit in the body that is going through the process, not the body.
A friend was telling me about her 12 years old daughter. She has been showing some rebellious acts recently. And it has made her so worried. I met this teenaged girl a few years ago when she was only seven. She was just so adorable to me. She had a very kind and gentle heart, a super loving girl. I think my friend is a wonderful mom for her kids. She teaches good values to them since very young age. She gives them so much love as well as teaches them discipline. It was very obvious to me in her kids. I find in many children this pure and innocent personality. There is so much spontaneity.
This personality is expressed genuinely till they become teenagers. Then everything changes. The consciousness starts processing self-identity. Children don’t need to process this, this is why children are more spontaneous. The ego starts to develop. Teenagers become more aware of themselves, of who they are, of what people may think about them. And they start comparing themselves to people a lot. This comparation often leads to the feelings of insecurities or arrogance in them. Insecurities and arrogance are the products of ego. Teenagers starts processing the identity of themselves, they start seeking in the adults around them. They are also seeking in their peers. Then they are processing it internally. They need the adults around them to understand and accept them. They need some approval and encouragement to make the internal process easier. So they feel supported and loved. This is what they need.
My friend wanted me to talk to her daughter. I tried to understand her phase and situation. I didn’t want to preach her of course. I knew it was not what she needed. I reminded her how I saw her when she was much younger as a super loving and kind girl. I reminded her of how much I loved her.
This world nowadays might be very hard on young people especially for those who are still going through this internal process of seeking.
I don’t have enough time to clean the garden from the grass. I usually ask a gardener to come for the cleaning once a month. I don’t have enough patience to do gardening actually. I don’t have enough time also to take care for my plants. So I decided to get someone to plant cassava in my little garden, thinking that I didn’t need to take care for this. Cassava is very easy to grow here. As soon as it was planted, in only a few days I saw the green new leaves coming up. I was happy looking at their new leaves. They grew so well. In a few months they grew so tall. And the grass didn’t grow around the cassava trees.
A few days ago, we had the crops. Again I asked the same gardener to unplug the trees. It was amazing to see the cassava. I thanked to the Mother Earth who grew the cassava. I cooked the cassava as my menu for a few days. I realized how much I was grateful for the Mother Earth for giving me this cassava. I just boiled it and put some salt into it. And enjoyed it. What I noticed was more on the feelings in me while I was enjoying the cooked cassava. It didn’t taste extraordinary, but the feeling was special. There was gratefulness there. I understand it is because I put so much patience and love for seven months. I didn’t take it for granted. I appreciated more.
Many times I have left over veggies and fruits in my fridge. And I didn’t feel guilty in throwing them away. I realized that I just took it for granted. There was not much appreciation for foods I had. But for this cassava, I really took a good care, I had so much appreciation and so much love. I didn’t throw any piece away. I shared some to a colleague too. She was surprised seeing how big piece the cassava was. I was so happy when she said that she had that cassava for her breakfast one morning. she also enjoyed it.
I was discussing with a friend for an online workshop we were going to have. We worked on the topic on fear. I was the one who would deliver the topic and he would become the MC for the program. We discussed on how to deal with fear. We had a few tips for this and one of the tips was to listen to God. My friend said ‘We need to be silent to listen to God.’ This words struck me so deeply.
What do we do when we are praying? We are speaking to God. We are telling God. We tell God to do one thing or another for us, to fulfill our desire, to agree with us, to support us, to manifest our dreams etc etc. We want Him to listen to our prayer. And what do we do then? Our prayers have become full of our wants and needs. When our mind is full of desires, it is definitely not silent. It is very busy. So we can not listen. We even do not give a chance to God to response to our prayer. I think God knows what we need and desire. He also knows what is best for us, but we are too busy with our own stuff thinking as if we knew everything. God knows everything, even before we put it in our prayer, so it might be the time now we listen to Him more. Let Him tell us. Let Him give a response. For this let the mind silent.
I don’t think it is a coincidence, that the words of LISTEN and SILENT have same letters.
This word of namaste has been so familiar among colleagues in my office. It has been frequently used. Everytime I tell them of taking leaves, especially for a vacation, they will quickly say that I am going for a namaste. For them namaste is to meditate in a quiet place or in nature. It is so funny.
They also have been using this word to remind anyone of us who starts losing control our emotion during working hours. If anyone in the room starts speaking on the phone in an angry tone, usually speaking to another colleague from different division, she might be speaking loudly or even shouting, then another colleague in the room will remind her saying ‘namaste’. Namaste here means ‘be peaceful’.
Of course they do not know the exact meaning of namaste. They only relate this word of namaste to the practice of meditation or yoga. They can relate a meditation is a practice to become peaceful. This is what they understand. I am not really sure what is in their mind or what they imagine when someone is doing namaste. I remember when I joined a yoga class in a fitness center long time ago, the yoga instructor also ended the yoga session with cooling down through being mindful of our breath with a little bit of reflection. And at the very end of this session she would say namaste.
I also knew namaste from my meditation class. It is the word used by God to show His respect to us. God is so humble that He puts us higher than Himself. He has the greatest personality of all. It is also the way He shows His love to us.
Relationship is very important in each one’s life. Since we were born we have been in a relationship. first is with our mom and dad, then with our siblings. Then with our extended family members. These relationships give us a feeling of being loved. Everyone needs love. For most people the source of love is family and friends. But for some reason, one or another relationship is missing. If someone asks me what is missing in me, I think I missed a relationship with my grand father. I remember when I was much much younger, every time we had a family gathering, my siblings shared stories of how much our grand father loved them. My grand father had died when I was too small. I don’t remember anything about him. I don’t have any memory of having a relationship with grand parents from both sides, from my father’s nor my mother’s.
What to do to complete this missing relationship? Well, time could not be repeated. What has gone is gone. those who have gone will never come back. Those relationships are bodily relationships. Anything about body is temporary. It has an end. Actually it is the soul that is searching an experience of a relationship. Build a permanent relationship with souls not bodies. A soul conscious-based relationship is a permanent one. God is the Supreme Soul. He is available for fulfilling any relationship you need. He opens His very big heart for you to experience His pure and unconditional love. Once you taste this love, your search will end. Whenever you are in a relationship, you give love, not seek love.
Look how we are interconnected. We are one. We are not separated from one another. We live in the same planet, the earth. One eruption of a volcano may create huge waves and reach many islands, several countries and continents. A natural calamity doesn’t know territories. Territories were created by human beings, not nature, nor God. Nature has its own territory, it has its own law – law of nature. Human beings have to understand this law. It is always valid. It is the law of energy.
We are not from this world (physical world). Each one of us is just a guest on this planet. We adopt a physical body that is made of 5 elements of nature – earth, water, air, fire and space. These elements are not us. They do not belong to us. They form our physical body, our vehicle. The vehicle of the spirit. We take it on loan from nature. And because we take it on loan, there will be the time we have to give it back to the owner. And we will become what we are originally. Without a body.
When we give this body back to nature whom it belongs to, then what is left? Is there anything left? You are left.
Use the SMART formula. This is th same formula you can use for a goal setting. Anyway a resolution is also a goal. You set the goal and then achieve it. SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bond.
You need to include your subconscious mind in manifesting what you want. And only when you make it specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bond your subconscious mind will understand what you want. It is your subconscious mind (conscience) that will guide you to achieve that goal. It knows the way to achieve it. So by setting your goal or your resolution in a very clear way, are actually communicate what you want to your conscience in a better way.
When I conducted a workshop on this topic, some audiences shared more ‘qualitative’ resolution like ‘I want to become a kind person’ ‘I don’t want to take sorrow from anybody’. To this qualitative goals, you can’t use the same formula but you definitely still need to make it clear to your self (your subconscious mind). Don’t just leave it there like that, you need to define the goal more detailed. How? Ask yourself, what do you mean by being a kind person? Why do you want to become one? How would you know that you are becoming a kinder person day by day? And the most important question is ‘What would you do everyday to make you this?’ This is a question for an action plan. A regular action that you are committed to take everyday. A resolution without an action would remain a wish or a dream. It won’t become a reality. A commitment is really essential for a successful resolution.
What do you mean by not taking sorrow from anybody? Why do you think you need to do this? How would you check yourself everyday that you are not taking sorrow from anyone? What are you going to do if you take sorrow with no intention? How would you deal with it? What would you say to yourself? How would you do for a self-check?
The clearer your resolution, the easier your subconscious mind will help you to manifest it. This is really the key!
I remember I made a resolution of becoming a more minimalist. And that meant to me to be less acquiring stuff. I made it very specific for clothings. Maximum 5 new clothes for one year. It is measurable. I was not a shopaholics but I thought I needed to do this. I did the same thing with shoes and bags. No new bag and no new shoes during that one year. I shared this resolution to a friend only a few months after January. And I confessed to her that I had bought more than ten clothes. And she said ‘You have failed already.’ I didn’t want to take her comment on me being a failure personally. I knew it would weaken me mentally. I said to my self instead ‘I will keep doing with this resolution. I don’t want to quit.’ I wanted to know myself how far I could go with my resolution by the end of the year. I could measure my failure at end of the year.
If you fail in making your resolution, don’t stop and start thinking that you are a failure, and feeling bad about yourself. No, you are a learner. You keep learning from the failure and you become better. Don’t listen to anybody.
My short vacation a few weeks ago was just too nice to remember. It was so memorable. Probably because I made it unhurried one. I didn’t focus on the destination (the place we were going to visit), but I enjoyed the journey (the process) to that place. It is always the journey that takes longer time and energy. So better do not miss it.
I remember I told this to my friend ‘You are too focused on the destination. Enjoy the journey.’ She is a task-oriented person. She likes planning, which is also good. She was the one who kept reminding me to take Covid-19 test the day before our flight back. Not only reminding, but also searching for the clinic and arranging it.
I also remember, a colleague texted me one morning, very early morning ‘How is Ubud?’
Me : ‘Great!’ Then I sent him the picture below and ask him: ‘Does it look like a vacation of a crazy rich?’
He: ‘No!!!’ Me : ‘Why?’ He : ‘A crazy rich will wear a bikini.’
Probably a crazy rich won’t go to a forest or village like me, they will go to an island and stay in a luxurious resort with private beach and yes, wear bikinis. 😊
In term of the feeling of happiness, is it same happiness of a crazy rich and non-crazy rich same? Is its degree same or not?
Happiness has to do with the state of mind (probably also the sate of heart), it has nothing to do with physical wealth. Mind and heart are in soul. They are non-physical.
I said in my heart ‘I am not a crazy rich but spiritually rich.’