Reflection

Don’t grow too fast!

When someone said that she is not ready to see her little daughter grows too fast, I could relate to this. She is a lovely girl. So adorable and very kind. Such a little girl has learned how to sit elegantly by crossing one leg on top of the other. She just copied what she saw and heard from people around her. Super cute!

To see the small kids exlpore the world around them is very interesting.

A few years ago when we were still in a strick lockdown, I was working from home. I was so much entertained by innocent voice of a little boy who lives across my house. This little boy was calling another boy who lives just next door to play together standing behind the gate of his house. He kept calling. He might not understand what lockdown was, why everybody was encouraged to stay at home. A little kid needs a friend. He was very active in speaking. So active. His voice sounds so cute to my ears. He would ask everything. So curious!

This morning I met him with his mom and dad. Realizing that he is not as active as he was a few years ago, I said to him ‘please do not grow too fast.’

I am sure he doesn’t understand it at the moment and he will forget it, but he will understand one day.

At the moment, he is the youngest kid in our neigbourhood. All the kids from our early days when we just moved to our complex have grown up now.

Everybody loves the authenticity and spontaniety in kids. They are pure and honest. Probably these qualities have lost in adults. 

Reflection

Everyone is a Finance Manager

Honestly it is very hard to see and accept our own weakness or failure. It takes courage to do it. It also needs a big heart to admit that we still have the weakness. It applies to any weakness we have.

Many times we prefer to be denial. But if we really want to change ourselves we have to embrace the weakness. Probably we need to hug ourselves and empower ourselves. Just do it if it works for you. You are the #1 support when you are down. Don’t depend on anyone to do it for you.

A friend told me that she was feeling bad about herself knowing that she was so consumtive. She said to me that she could not control her spending. She realized it after completing her financial worksheet. She said something really funny. She said “After effect of completing this financial worksheet is that I am not feeling well, a little bit dizzy, not comfortable with my stomach etc”.

She is such a funny person with a sense of humor and very honest too. I was laughing actually hearing this from her. I could imagine how she would express it on her face.

I remembered that I gave her the worksheet long time ago after sharing how I control my spending religiously to her. I also review my financial report on monthly basis. It gives me a sense of control.

Everyone is a finance manager.

I congratulated her on this. I encouraged her to keep doing it. I know my colleagues stopped doing it after making some trials. They said that they were not consistent enough to do it. Though they are Finance Managers or Accounting Managers. Jokingly they said to me : “You are more finance than me.”

It is not easy to see the self being a failure. Dealing with the self (including dealing with oneself’s failure) is not always easy. Probably you need to practice self-awareness.

Journey

A marathon

My friend just shared to me her plan to join a marathon competition. The marathon will be held in August 2023 in Bali. And she has been practicing for the last three months. She runs at least 10 k every second day. In between she practices strengtening exercise to strengten her feet. She said it is very essential for a runner to have strong feet. She joins a group for this exercise.

I never thought about it. I never thought that to run, you need to learn. I thought everybody can do it without knowing any theory. I am just too naive.

She looks more athletic now. I could see that she is in shape now. We were having 10k steps (not meters 😜) in a botanical garden recently.

I am really proud of those who have such a determination to join a marathon. It takes persistence.

I enjoyed her sharing very much and it have led me to start practising the exercise. To strengten my feet. Don’t get me wrong. I am not going to join any marathon competition. I am far from getting ready to join one.

But she has made me realize that this exercise is very important for everybody. Not only for a runner or an athleete. And I start practicing it now. I think I need this balance – taking care my body and my soul. I have been into taking care of my soul more. 😊

Thank you for inspiring, Anthonia Tapilatu!

Journey

21 Day Abundance

A friend asked me to join her group on abundance challenge not long ago. She was joining the 21 day challenge on abundance. I said to her that I was not able to join it. I joined exactly the same challenge a few years ago.

She asked me if the challenge worked for me or not. I didn’t want to make her demotivated. I said that it worked for me. I completed the challenge for 21 days. I remembered that I was the only one in the group who completed till the day 21st. Then I created my own challenge on the same subject for another 100 days with 100 daily points to reflect. I found having created my own challenge, I became more committed and more encouraged to complete it.

21 days was not enough for me to change a mindset on particular thing, 100 days worked more effectively with me. I enjoyed this challenge more.

It works!!

Most of us do not like any challenge in life, because the challenge is mostly from the external. But this one is created on purpose by yourself, to bring some permanent changes in you, to make you progress. When the challenge is from the internal, you will enjoy it. You will feel excited about it.

I noticed some changes in my attitude around money. I noticed that I became more generous in donating, giving tips to the taxi driver. I don’t overthink after spending money or investing it. I don’t regret for any decision around finance I made even it was not the best decesion. I can easily move on. I become more grateful for any amount of money I have. I give more value to each penny I get. I know what is enough for me.

I am still taking this challenge even up until now.

Reflection

Spirituality

A friend said that it is very rare to come across a woman who is able to forgive her husband for abandoning his family and responsibilities. Then he also said this: ‘This woman must be highly spiritual’.

I agree with the first statement but not the second one.

It is very true not many people can accept betrayal, especially in marriage. It ussually leaves so much hurt and many people carry this hurt for a long time. Some process it and learn to accept it and then forgive, but some just keep carrying it mentally, and do not move on. Some even carry it along till the end (death). It does take time to forgive. It does take a big and strong heart. It also takes courage, determination and persistance. So I agree with him.

I don’t think that those who are able to forgive and move on is always highly spiritual. At least this is what I see in my colleague’s mom. She is just a normal person. She has light and relaxed nature. She shares love and happiness around her. She is a warm-hearted person. Very far from a spiritual person (at least in my perception). My impression of a spiritual person is one being serious and not practical. They ussually do not have warm hearts. They become aloof – distant, closed and not friendly.

Spirituality needs to be applied in a practical life. Otherwise it remains theoritical. It only stays in the head. It doesn’t make any different in one’s life or in others.

Spirituality has to be expressed in a practical way, like a lotus expresses its beauty practically.

The aim of learning spirituality is to change the self. It begins with a self- realization that something needs to be changed inside. One is not satisfied with his current reality.

By applying spirituality in a daily practical life, one actually brings it into a feeling (in the heart). Then it will bring some changes in the level of action, behaviour, nature, mindset, way of percieving things, way of giving a response etc.

Journey

How to let go

How do you feel when someone knows what you feel, your real feeling? Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel afraid?  Or is it just quite alright with you?

I didn’t feel comfortable when others knew my feeling especially related to health issue (when I have a health issue). Many people very often become instant doctors and start giving you opinion about what you should do. They would relate stories related to the issue, ussually based on someone’s experience. They would ask many questions. The way they ask questions sometimes is so intimidating.

When we have health issue very often we need emotional support from them not informations, not stories, not advices. You don’t need all of these from them. You only need to listen to the doctor for what to do. Very often these people are making you nervous and worried, instead of making you relaxed and peaceful. Worries do not contribute anything good to a speedy recovery.

I remember about two years ago when I got covid, I only shared it to a very few people around me. My direct boss, a colleague, one family member, a neighbour and a doctor. I was in a quaranteen. I only communicated with them. Well, it is about a physical health issue.

I am quite open in sharing my feeling about other things. I ussually put it in my journal books or in this blog. When I write them in journals, I will write it as clear as possible and if I need to put someone’s name I will surely do it. Because I always believe this is a healthy way to let the feelings out from my heart. And this is how a healing can take place.

My journal books, where the healing takes place.

When I shared one of my healing journals to a friend very recently she wrote back to me : This is authentic. A healing in a brutal (raw) form.

Actually I was happy reading her feedback. This has confirmed me that being open in expressing the feeling out is better than keeping it inside.

She actually also likes journaling. Mostly she does it in her laptop. Encrypted. So nobody can read it. She said that she didn’t feel comfortable if others knew her feeling or her thoughts.

I don’t mind people know my feelings (most of the time), otherwise this blog would not be created. Even it someone whose name written in my journal, someone who has annoyed me or hurt me finally read it, I don’t mind at all. By the time she or he is reading it, the feeling would have finished. And I am ready to be so honest saying this : ‘This was my feeling about you at that particular time. I don’t have this feeling anymore’.

Any feeling ussually does not last long time. Some fades very quickly, unless you nurture it within you 🀭. If it makes you feel uncomfortable just let it go. To write it is to let it go.

Journal of the day

My life is complete today

I shared to my roomates my daily agenda during the retreat time. It was my personal time table. I was very much aware of how I would spend each day and each hour during the retreat. I wanted to give value to my time there and also to give the best benefit for myself.

I wrote down my daily agenda from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. I blocked the time in hours. It is about activities or tasks to do. What made it different is that I put small goals to achieve in the agenda. The goals are the outcomes.

I prepared the agenda on my bed in our dormitory. I said to my roomates who were happenedly there at that time.

‘I made a daily agenda for myself.’ I said. One of them them came to me to have a look at my agenda.  I said to her that by having this agenda, I would get a sense of accomplishment for each goal or a task completed. She could relate to my reasoning.

Since a retreat is ussually very much to do with internal work (using mind, intellect and heart) through activities like meditation, reflection, classes, workshop, sharing etc…the outcomes for me would be in the form of a written reflection. So the goal I put in my agenda would be 10 journals a day or 10 written reflections. This was my daily goals, at least.

I blocked the first four hours everyday to write 3 journals on my personal projects – it was about spirituality, health and relationship. One journal each. And I did it in the main hall after meditation. The atmosphere in the hall after morning meditation of a big group was very peaceful and powerful. The hall was almost empty, most of the time, only me stayed in the hall in such morning hours. MostΒ  programs were conducted in this hall – especially meditation and classes. Then continued to morning class and breakfast.

I completed another 3 journals of reflection from the morning class before breakfast. I did it outdoor in the corner of the campus while enjoying the morning sun rays and being accompanied by beautiful birds and squirells. It was very nice there. Only after finishing these 3 journals, I went for my breakfast.

Journaling outdoor with this scene was marvelous.

The rest of the 4 journals, I did in the afternoon or evening. I also did some experiments with different timing and also different places including in the park, dining hall, on the roof behind our dormitory or on my bed. This experiment was also fun.

I also put some tasks to complete in my agenda, like doing my laundry and ironing my clothes.

Each time a goal or a task was completed, I was feeling very good. Completing a small task gave me a sense of accomplishment. This is what made me feel so good.

A big success is built in small success everyday. Do not wait till your big goal is accomplished, start enjoying the sense of success from your small accomplishment. It is said that our success is hidden in our daily routine. I think it is so true.

I remember after completing my ironing, carrying my clothes and entering the dormitory, I saw my two roomates were talking to each other. One was sitting on my bed, she is from Germany and the other one was standing near her, the one from UK.

I said to them ‘my life is complete today.’ Hearing this from me, they started laughing. A big laugh. I could see from the face of the one from Germany. It turned red. They could not stop laughing.

‘Was it funny?’ I said in my heart. I just shared my feeling of having a sense of accomplishment of that day. Sharing my happiness.

Then one of them asked me the reason why I made that statement. I said to both of them “My life is complete today because I have done my laundry and also my ironing.”

They might think such a small accomplishment did not deserve that much happiness.

Reflection

Power to tolerate

This is still about the retreat I joined very recently.

We were accomodated in a dormitory with a capacity of 10 people. When we arrived the accomodation was almost full. For such situation we need to prepare ourselves to share a room with people we didn’t know or never met before. I only met one of them at Changi airport on our way to India and since then we travelled together and became roomates.

We walked in the room which had already been occuppied by the other 7 people. Some of them were in the room at that time. We asked them the unoccupied beds for the two of us. One of them said the first bed near the front door and the third bed were vacant . Another one was across the third bed.

Somehow before arriving, I visualized a bed near the front door and I got it. I was very happy about it. I did not see any luggage under the bed, so I was quite sure that the bed was not taken. I got myself ready to unpack my stuff until one of them said to me: ‘This bed was taken by this sister (pointing the second bed). Better you sort it out. Because you are younger.’

Then another one said : ‘But she moved to the second bed last night.’

My mind was trying to understand what the first person said. I started thinking ‘How old is the sister next to me? What kind of person is she? Is she a difficult character?’ These thoughts occuppied my head.

The way she was telling me to sort it out gave me an impression that she might be a difficult personality. I could not talk to the person who took the second bed because she was not there at that moment.

I was actually feeling a bit dizzy after several hours journey by taxi that took us to that place. That place was situated almost on top of Mount Abu. What I needed to do was to sleep. I decided to sleep to give my mind a rest and not think how I would talk to this ‘difficult’ person.

I woke up at 4 pm. I thought I had a good rest.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I found nobody was there in the room except the one who occupied the second bed. Knowing that I was awake, she said to me very softly and sweetly : ‘Are you Tini from Indonesia?’ While showing her notebook with my name written on it.  I said ‘Yes. How do you know my name?’

‘This sister here (pointing the third bed) told me your name.’ She said.

And she showed me her name and her country of origin written in her notebook for me to read.

I kept telling myseft that I was ready for such situation. To share a room with people I never knew before, from different backgrounds and countries and also personalities was not something new.

I also kept telling myself ‘This is to learn to develop power to tolerate, power to adjust and power to accomodate.’ These are the powers of the hearts. Not physical powers, but spiritual powers. Because it doesn’t refer to our physical heart, but our non-physical heart (the soul).

In life, we need this power more and more. We need these powers to deal with situations and people everyday.

So sharing one room with completely new people for two weeks was giving me a really good lesson to practise these powers.

In fact we could blend really well in just few days. We cared for one another, supported one another and also inspired one another. We really enjoyed each one’s company. They were all sweet and nice. None was a difficult personality. 😊

Actually the two of us became good friends.

Journey

How much words can work


It has been a week I am here in a retreat program. I planned to join this program a month before. I prepared myself before leaving. My roomate here said that I am a good planner. I also planned what to do and what not to do during retreat. I want to take benefit for myself from this program as much as possible. I want to learn as much as possible, not only from classes and lectures but also from sharing with other participants and also from observation.

One of my favorite corners in this retreat place for my reflection

I put a limit for myself in accessing internet and social media platforms. This is what I can not do in my normal day where I always carry my smart phone with me. It seemed like I cannot live without this device even just an hour. I want to prove for myself that I can live without a smart phone for several hours a day.

Ussually I read one quote as a thought for today for myself. I do it in the morning. Then I also post it on one of my social media platforms. Quite often my friends or my contacts get inspired also by reading the quotes. Some thanked to me for posting it.

It is amazing how words can work really positively on people. This is a very easy way to inspire others probably also to uplift others. How do you feel when you are reading an inspiring quote? Does it give you a positive feeling?

A few days ago I got a message from my little friend, a 10-year old boy called Marvell. He wrote to me why I did not post any inspiring quote anymore these days. I felt so sorry about it. I told him that I am in India and I am too busy to read and to post one. Probably I should make time for this today or tomorrow knowing at least someone is waiting for the post out there.

We never know what one quote can do to someone’s life. We never know if it can relate to someone’s situation and probably become the answer for their questions.

Reflection

Miss Baby Corn

Do you easily get bored? What do you do when you get bored?

My friend was telling me how she played a song in her car while driving on her way to or from work many many times. She loved the song. She told me that the lyrics was so beautiful. When her older sister was happenedly going with her in the car and she played the song and kept replaying it, her sister expressed her amazement that she had not get bored listening (problably also singing it) “again?!”

Actually I tend to do the same with song or music, but also with a short podcast or audio classes. I can play it again and again and again.

Some years ago I played an audio record of someone giving a lecture. I like the topic and also the way he was delivering it with so much fun….and so honest sharing on his experience. It was recorded in a compact disc. I remembered that I kept the CD sitting there in the player in my car for at least the whole year. I had no idea how many times I had listened to it. I was quite sure more than a hundred times.

I do the same in eating. I have been eating same food (menu) for the last two months at least for my breakfast and my lunch. I cook baby corn mixed with other vegetables and have it for breakfast and lunch. A simple dish actually, probably too simple. It just needs a very quick preparation. This is one of the reasons why I choose to cook this dish. I skip dinner most of the time. I noticed that by having this menu everyday I never have any problem with my digestion system.

“Miss Baby Corn”

My colleagues knew this and they start calling me ‘Miss Baby Corn’. They are amazed how I can have it everyday without feeling bored. Each time I have it, I enjoy it, especially when it is still fresh and hot.

I see colleagues often do not know what to have for their lunch. They take a bit of time to think and decide what to have for lunch. They keep changing their menus. Rarely same menus for several days in a row. I save so much time in this.

It does’t mean that I never get bored. I do. But at least not in the areas I shared above or in what I like.

Is it really a problem if you don’t get bored very easily? Or getting bored very easily is more a problem?