Anger is not a basic emotion. Anger is often a reaction to a pain. It can be a physical pain, like tiredness, hunger, thirst or other pain of the body or mental pain like sadness, insecurities, feeling hurt, feeling unworthy etc. Any of these pain may trigger an anger.
I always avoid scheduling a meeting close to lunch time. I remember when I was mentoring some mentees for a management training program, and they were scheduling for their final project presentation, I always suggested either early in the morning or after lunch time. It was a presentation in front of managers as the panelists. When people are hungry, they tend to become a slightly short-tempered, make wrong judgement or make inaccurate decision.
Anger is an emotion, so it should be managed. Anger that is not managed may become so distructive. E-motion is an energy in motion, it should be expressed not suppressed. To express an anger is to release it and to finish it. It doesn’t mean that if you are angry with someone and you will need to shout at her or him or speak with a high-toned voice. No! It is a destructive way. Someone said when you do that, it will hurt that person and he or she will remember or probably carry that hurt for another six months. It is not to finish the anger then.
What is the way to release this emotion that is not desctructive? It is advised to move away from the situation for a little while. If you stay there, you will tend to react unnecessarily like shouting, blaming, complaining or criticizing. You might not be able to control your words. Ussually you will end it up with regret. It creates another emotion. When you physically move away, your mental focus is switched. It allows yourself to take a mental break. It will become effective to avoid you from reacting. Any emotion is temporary, so you need to deal with it so well in that short period of time. You will surely calm down soon. Just make sure not to react when the temper is rising.
Only see the good side of everything to stay positive. Can you see the good side of everything? This is not using your physical eye, but your spiritual eye. This is the eye of the soul. How do you see situation or problem in your life? You use this eye, don’t you? Even if someone is physically blind, his eye of the soul is not blind, it is widely open. You see everything around you, everything in life with this eye, don’t you? To see the good side of everything means to see it through a wisdom.
You might have heard a very good advice or an elevating quote that touched your heart. Use it in your practical life. To use it means to put it right in front of your eye so you see the situation or the problem through it. You are not directly exposed to the situation or the problem. That wisdom will become like a breaker for you. It saves you from reacting unnecessarily. It saves you from regret or anger. It brings calmness and patience inside, and these are the strength of the soul. Someone with patience is a strong one.
Be happy not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything.
Everyone wants to become creative. To become creative means to keep creating an idea and executing the idea. To be creative you need to have an open mind, a mind that is open to new ideas. Not a closed mind. An open mind is more accepting. An open mind finishes worries and fears inside. It is liberating. It is courageous. Life keeps changing and you need to cope with the change, unless you will be left behind. Life keeps moving, you need to move with it. Life keeps flowing, you need to go with its flow. Life is never static. You need the power to adapt yourself for this. This is a power that you need to develop from within.
How do you make yourself stay open-minded and creative? I think you need to make friend with the younger generations. Talk to them more. Listen to them more. They are very creative. They will bring newness into your creative process inside your head. Many are fast learners, especially in digital technology. You need to be humble in front of them. Learn from them. Keep this spirit of a learner inside you, this spirit will keep seeking and creating new things.
I have a very good friend who is an expert in computer, she is in fact a web designer. This weekend I have an online workshop. I have to prepare a presentation for this workshop. I realize that I am not very good at digital stuff, like downloading video, converting the file and sharing it on a presentation. I knew whom to ask. So I begged her time for a meet up. She is a really kind-hearted person. She taught me everything I needed to know from her. She is not only very good at computer but she is also very good at teaching. Very patient.
Each one of us is a king in our inner kingdom, inside our heads. In your inner kingdom, you have three ministers helping you. The three ministers are your mind, intellect and your heart. They are your ministers and you are the king. They should listen to you. They should be always under your control. Are they working well? Are you controlling your ministers? How do you know that you can control them or not?
Hold a meeting with them everyday. Really make time for this. This is to know their well-beings. You have to control them and never let any of them control you or do any mischievous thing. You are the king, you should always sit on your throne. This throne is your seat of self respect. The seat of your wise self. Only when you remain seated on this seat, your three ministers will listen to you and obey your commands.
How do you know that they are under controlled? Your mind will only think what you want it to think. Your intellect will only remember what you want it to remember and your heart will only feel what you want it to feel. You will not say “I don’t want to think about it, but my mind keeps thinking about it. It gets pulled easily.” “I want to forget it, but I can’t.” “I am not peaceful.” This is the language you speak when you can not control them.
Listen to the noise in your head. There is a constant noise, or there is no noise at all? Can you silence your mind? Many people said it is very difficult to silence their minds. The mind is constantly busy. Thinking. It creates noise inside your head. But who is speaking? There are two personalities in your head – the false personality and the true personality. The false personality is called the ego and the true personality is called the conscience. They speak different languages to you. It is the ego that speaks more and creates noise. When the ego is speaking too much, you become restless. The ego brings confusion and doubt into your head. You need clarity. Clarity is found in a silent mind.
You might need to learn to make the ego become more quiet, if you want to experience a silent mind. It is only when there is silence in the mind then the voice of the conscience is heard. The conscience is your inner guide. Let your conscience guide you. Listen to your inner guide. It finishes confusion and doubt. It brings clarity into your head.
In understanding the self, we need to know the two aspects of human being; physical and non-physical. It is very easy to understand the physical aspect, the body. But it is more difficult to understand the non-physical one. The non-physical one in fact refers to the spirit, the energy. The nature of the physical one is not permanent, it can change. Our bodies change from young to old. It definitely will die. But the spirit (energy) is permanent, it doesn’t change. It will never die. To understand the self is to understand and accept the self as a spirit, not a body. The spirit is the soul. A soul has three faculties – mind, intellect and heart. This idea is very clear and also very simple, but many have made this so complicated and the journey to understand the self becomes a never ending journey.
When someone said to me : “I do not believe in soul.” In fact I would like to ask him : “Do you not believe in yourself either?” But I held myself and didn’t say anything.
I think he just did not really understand this two aspects of human being. Because he did not understand so he didn’t accept it, and he did not believe it. The next question is “Who am I?” I think the first step to understand the self is to have a clear answer to this question.
Ego is the enemy of everyone. It resides in each and every of us. We have to conquer this enemy. How to conquer it? We have to know it. Only when we know this enemy well, then we can conquer it.
Ego has two faces – the inferior I and the superior I.
When you hear the voice of “I am excluded” , “I am not valued”, “They don’t respect me“, “I am a victim”. This is the voice of the inferior I. Can you hear this voice? How often do you hear this voice? This is the voice that brings you down again and again. If you keep listening to this voice, you will become weak. You keep listening to this voice and then you start believing in it. What you believe will become your reality (what you feel). You start feeling isolated, small or weak. Can you stop this voice? Do not let this voice keep echoing in your head. You need power to stop it. This is the power of the soul that you need. Develop this power, so you will become victorious in your internal battle. You are in fact battling with yourself (your ego). Your enemy is not out there, but right here, inside you.
At other time you might also hear the voice “I know better”, “I am more experienced”, “They should listen to me”, this is the voice of the superior I.
Both are the ego. Both are false. Both make you fluctuate internally. The real you is not inferior nor superior. Nothing can pull you down. Remain seated on the seat of the real I. This is the seat of self respect. If you remain seated on this seat, you will experience yourself to be a master. A master of the self. You are the king. You are royal.
You are your best friend and also your worst enemy.
There are two personalities inside us. The true ’I’ and the false ’I’. They are two different personalities. They are not silent. They keep speaking. Do you hear them speaking? The false ’I’ speaks louder than the true ’I’. You can easily hear it. It creates noise in your head. It speaks worries, uncertainties and doubts. The false ‘I’ creates fear and peacelessness. If you do not control it, it will create chaos in your mind. So you need to control it and make it quiet.
The true ’I’ speaks very gently and softly. Sometimes it is almost unheard. It speaks wisdom and truth. It creates calmness in your mind. If you want to experience peace of mind, you need to listen to the true ‘I’ more often. This is the first step to a peace of mind.
So which one is your best friend and which one is your worst enemy?
Life might have brought chaos to many of us. a mental chaos. Do not become chaotic. You need to remain calm and stable during the chaos. How to create inner stability? We need to develop faith in ourself. Develop the three faiths – faith in the self, faith in God and faith in life. Revisit those faiths again and again. To develop faith is like sowing a seed, it grows into a small plant. You need to water it regularly. It needs to receive enough sun light also. If not, it will wilt and die. It is similar with our faith.
To believe in God is not enough. You need to experience God practically in your life. Do not take it for granted. God is the most loving Being in the universe. He loves everyone so dearly. His love is unlimited. Experience this love with your heart. Accept God’s love with your heart, not with your head. To accept with the head is very easy, but it remains as a theory. Love needs to be experienced. A belief only doesn’t give any impact on you. It doesn’t change you. It is your experience that will change you and give an impact on you.
A few days ago someone invited me to join her program, live on Instagram. I had to share on how to deal with the uncertainties. I offered an idea to spend sometimes during the lockdown to reflect and to develop faith.
I was happy that someone wrote to me this after the program : “I was struck by your reminder for not taking God into granted. I just realized that it is what I have been doing.”
My friend who is from Suriname only moved to this city last year. She said to me that she only heard the noise of the traffic from her apartment where she lives in. She never heard birds chirping. Many birds might have moved away from the city. In fact, we do not live really far from each other. I said to her that every morning I still could enjoy birds chirping from the roof top. She might just not be aware of it. The next morning she texted to me excitedly that she heard rooster making a morning wake up call. She was so amazed and asked herself if it was always doing it everyday, but she just didn’t hear it. Because the awareness was not there, so the rooster didn’t seem to exist to her.
She wrote this: “I am just having a break from my work and sitting on my sofa and I hear birds chirping. So sweet.”
This covid-19 has brought new awarness in many of us. Being more aware of what is around us including what is in the nature. Everything might be the same, but because there is no awarness, they do not seem to exist to us. They are too small compared to our focus in our day-to-day life. We miss to enjoy and appreciate their existence. To be mindful is to be aware. Being aware is being in the now.