A friend of mine texted me about what she doesn’t like about her boss. She described her boss to be like a roaring lion when she gets angry. She scares everyone. Sometimes we meet people like this. They just can’t control their emotions. It means they can not control themselves. They become slaves of their own emotions.
The question is then how to deal with such a person? Don’t let yourself be influenced by this person or situation. Understand that she is also dealing with her own weakness (emotion). If you are there, protect yourself. You need to create an internal mechanism to protect yourself. To protect the self means to protect your own feelings. Keep your feelings good, don’t let your feelings be influenced by the situation created by anyone. Remain strong inside. Take care of yourself. Don’t get involved in gossiping with colleagues. It makes the atmosphere in the office more negative. You need to learn to put a full stop in your mind and start taking care of yourself.
When I said these words to my friend, I felt like I was talking to and giving advice to myself.
I received a message from a friend ‘Don’t forget to be happy!’ It reminds us that sometimes we are not happy, so we need to be reminded. When you are reminded to be happy, how will you make yourself happy? Will you become happy in that moment for no reason?
To be happy means to feel good about the self. It is very difficult to be happy if you are not feeling good about yourself. To make yourself feel good about yourself, you need to understand yourself. You need to accept yourself, stop criticising and rejecting yourself. Don’t be judgemental to yourself, don’t be hard on yourself. Be gentle to yourself. It is empowering for the self. When you do this, it is then very easy to develop good feelings for the self. And you then can give the best gift to yourself – the feeling of happiness. Happiness is from the heart. It is then shown through your face. Others will feel it though your interactions.
I met a new friend who is a coach and a writer. She has published 3 motivational books. Nobody would believe that she is a medical doctor. After finishing her medical study, she worked as a doctor in a clinic and in the evening she worked for a radio station as a radio presenter, which she had been doing since she was in college.
She shared the story that when she was younger, she wanted to become a medical doctor because a doctor looks very cool wearing a white coat. A very simple dream of a little child. And when she became a doctor, she always hoped that there would be no patients coming to her clinic. She didn’t enjoy what she was doing. then she quit the job and started doing what she likes – writing and speaking.
Another friend has a similar story. She also graduated from a medical school and ended up being a music teacher. She plays piano very well. She loves teaching. She said teaching children and seeing them play piano makes her happy.
Do what you love to do. Because you will do it with your heart and it surely will give you the most happiness. This is your passion. if you have not found your passion, keep searching.
I know some people who have a habit of collecting stuff to the point it has become a hobby for them. I know someone who is collecting tumblers of one coffee brand and he has more than 100 tumblers in his collection. He collects tumblers with different name of cities on it. So when he visits a new city, especially overseas, he will go to the coffee shop to get a tumbler as his souvenir for himself. I don’t think he uses the tumblers. He just collects them. What is the reason behind it? The tumbler will become the reminder for him that he has visited the city written on it. It reminds him of the experience. He makes the souvenir as the reminder of the experience.
Are you collecting stuff or collecting experience? When you go to a new place, meet new people, have interaction with them then it becomes an experience for you. You have a certain feeling about it. And it is experienced by your heart. You keep the feeling with you in your heart. It is more internal. Because it is internal, you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you need an object as a reminder of that experience then it is external.
People in fact are experience seekers. The heart is constantly seeking the experience, not really the stuff. The experience is more permanent than the stuff.
I remember when I was having my vacation last year, I was sitting in a small vegetarian restaurant in Ubud with my journal book. I was sitting on a long big wooden table. I was sitting in the corner at the end of the table. I was there to write. I met John sitting on the other end of the same table. He is a young man from UK. We then started a conversation. He said that he had been in a very bad depression and he had been looking for some yoga to free him from this depression.
I shared with him how journal writing saved me from frustration. Since I started writing journals, I could manage my emotions much better. Through writing, I found my inner best friend. This inner best friend always listens and understands me. This inner friend is not judgemental, not criticising nor rejecting whatever I share. She will listen very patiently. She is in fact my own self. This is what is healing. Basically everyone needs someone who will listen, understand and accept. I encouraged him to do the same.
I remember his expression when he said to me “Tini, you have touched my heart”. His eyes were shining, his whole face showed so much happiness. Do not ask me how I felt hearing this. I was so happy that I could help someone that day.
In our daily life, we sometimes have to deal with people or events that are not according to what we expect. We might have made a plan or agenda but for some reason, it does not happen the way we expected. And then we become disappointed.
I was having a five days trip last week. The hotel where I stayed is relatively near to the local airport. What a coincidence a friend was going to make his way back from his business trip and having a transit at the airport. He is in fact my old friend and we haven’t seen each other for almost 30 years. So we planned to have a short meeting during his transit, He said that his arrival time would be at 9 pm. I thought it was still a reasonable time for a meeting. I was so excited thinking of the meeting, because it was going to be a coincidental meeting for us. We had been texting each other about the timing and the meeting point since the morning. But in the evening he texted me and told that he had wrongly seen his flight schedule. The arrival time was actually 11 pm instead of 9 pm. He was apologetic. I decided to cancel the meeting, because it would be too late for me. Did I feel any disappointment because of this change? Yes, I noticed there was a slight disappointment. Because I had blocked the evening for the meeting, and it had to be canceled.
A colleague promised to take me to the airport the next day. We planned to stop by the nearest beach on our way to the airport. I haven’t been to this beach before. I heard from people that it is a very beautiful one. I already pictured the beautiful beach in my mind and imagined how much I would enjoy it. The next morning, my colleague texted me that he had to go to a funeral of his relative and apologised for being unable to take me to the airport. This incident left me with another disappointment.
How do you deal with disappointments? People or events might become the reason behind your disappointment. But the real cause for any disappointment is an expectation. You are the one who create this expectation at the first place, not the people nor the events. As soon as you are aware of being the creator of this, you will easily take the responsibility of your feeling and you won’t blame anyone nor the situaton for the disappointment. You can accept it easily. When you accept it, you can end or change the negative feeling very quickly.
A friend just came back to office after having recovered from heart surgery. He had have a bed rest for a couple of months for the recovery. The doctor said to him to take care of his diet – less cholesterol, less salt, less sugar and less oil. He carefully maintains his diet since then.
One interesting thing he shared to me is that it is not difficult to maintain those physical diet, but it is very difficult to maintain the emotional diet. Because when you are emoted, the emotion very quickly affects your heart. He said that it is very difficult to control the emotions or negative feeling. He knows someone who was in the same condition like him finally decided to resign from his job because his job gave him so much stress and he could not handle it. He then found a job with less stress.
To control the emotion means to control the mind. Because it is the mind that creates the thought and then generates the feelings or emotions. Control your thought before it becomes a feeling. Be aware of any thought you put into your mind. Thought is like a food for the mind. Take only good and positive thoughts for your mind. It is a healthy food for the mind. The feelings generated will be good feelings.