You get what you deserve

Do you use cash for your day-to-day transactions? or do you use digital money more for making payments? Do you still use ATM card to widraw some cash?

Almost all payments nowadays can be made through our smart phones digitally. We hardly use cash nowadays, not all. We don’t need our ATM cards, since some ATM machines now have been set for cash widrawal cardlessly. We can also widraw cash through cashier machine in some supermarkets while shopping.

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Recently I was shopping in the nearest grocery store. This store had three cashier counters. For some reasons I needed cash money and I told the cashier that I needed certain amount of cash. She did not have enough cash in her machine for me. Thinking that next cashier probably had enough cash, I asked the cashier to cancel my transaction and transfer it to the next cashier. She told me that the transaction cannot be canceled. It sounded ridiculous to me.

A little bit of argument and negotiation took place between me and the cashier. I was thinking of how to settle the transaction and taking some cash at the same time through that cashier or the the other cashier. The cashier was also working on a solution for me despite not having enough cash. At the beginning she insisted that I could not cancel my transaction and I would not get enough cash.

I said to her, ‘Make people’ s life easy, and your life will surely become easy’.

I heard an agreement from my back. ‘I agree!’

I then turned my head and saw a lady standing behind me. She had been watching me and the cashier. She agreed with my final statement to the cashier.

Many people do not realise this. There is a law in life, if you want something, firstly give it.  If you want love, give love to people. If you want respect, give respect. If you want a solution for your life problem, try to give solution to other people’s problem.

The law says ‘You will get what you deserve’. It upoften means you get what you give.

Self-Control

Do you have a favorite snack or cookies or chips? How much do you eat it? Are you always aware of the serving suggestion that is usually printed on the package? Do you always obey the suggestion? Do you take it into consideration when you start eating your favourite snack?

When the snack is too yummy, not necessarily healthy, to be honest with you, I do not care about this suggestion. I often ate them up without considering how much I overconsumed the snack, how much my calories intake especially with chips or cookies.

A few weeks ago I bought healthy cookies. It is made of variety of nuts or seeds – pumkin seeds, sunflower seeds and sliced almond. A colleague told me that the cookies was too yummy that she could not stop eating them. She gave me a little piece to taste, and she was right. It tasted so good.

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Realising I would do the same as her and thinking that my self-control especially over this yummy snack was too weak, I had an idea to make a self-control challenge. I promised to eat one piece a day, not more than that. This challenge was for myself. When I shared this idea to my colleagues, none of them took it seriously. They might think that I would fail, not seeing my point.

There were fifteen pieces of cookies in one package. I thought I would take 15 days to finish at least. I ate the cookies in the evening for a self-reward when I arrived home from work. I ate a piece each day by chewing each bite mindfullly. There was mindfullness in each bite and each evening. The enjoyment last much longer.

I made it!

I kept the commitment in 15 days. There was a very good feeling in me after completing this challenge successfully.

This little challenge will allow us to develop gratefulness and joy, if we do it with purpose and mindfulness. A grateful heart is a happy heart.

Sometimes we need to be a liitle bit strick to ourselves. This is to train the self to be more patient or discipline. This is a self-control.

How do you create a memory?

Have you ever visited a place or a city that you want to come back to visit it again? Probably you have a good memory about that place and you want to revisit. That place might be so memorable. How do we create a memory?

Someone asked me if I missed India. He probably remembered my story about how I enjoyed my trip to India not long ago. In fact, I shared about people I met during that trip, people I interacted with, people I shared a room with…. not so much about the places. Somehow he got the impression that I loved the place.

I said: I don’t miss India.

I know I enjoyed the trip but I didn’t miss a place. This is because I created memory with people, not so much with places. I was not attached to the place. I liked the place and the atmosphere, but I didn’t miss them.

But then, did I miss the people? Not either. It is not people we enteracted with that create a memory, but it is much more with ourselves, the interaction we created within ourselves and with ourselves. When we are connecting to someone, we are interacting with him or her and at the same time we are connecting with ourselves. We might be busy externally talking with people, but at the same time we are conversing with ourselves. The internal conversation might be longer than the external one, even after the external conversation finishes, this internal one still continues. Our minds are still busy processing the thoughts (the topic) in our heads.

What is happening inside that leaves a memory in us. I miss only what I have kept in my heart or or what had become a part of me. A place or a person cannot really become part of me.

It is rightly said that we will forget what people said to us, but we will never forget how people make us feel.

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Very long time ago my friend and I made a trip to Vietnam. A girl trip, only two of us. We took a private tour. It was so nice as first timer visitors.

I was amazed that my friend still remembered the trip quite details, whereas I didn’t. I only remembered that we went to Hanoi and Halongbai.

I remembered the name of our tour guide who accompanied us during trip and my friend didn’t.

Too Relaxed

Have you ever missed a flight? If yes, how did you feel?

I missed flights twice, oops… almost three times. All of this happened a quite long time ago.

The first one was my flight to Bali for a holiday with two other family members. My flight was scheduled at 10am, it was on Friday. We should have considered the traffic to the airport during weekdays, especially during peak hours like morning and evening. The traffic was so bad that morning. I was very stressed along the way to the airport. I arrived at the airport at 10am sharp, the check-in counter had been closed.

The second one was so ridiculous. I had checked in my ticket. I arrived at the airport one and a half hours before the flight schedule. At that time, I was with a friend, but we took different flights. My flight was to Jakarta and his flight was to another city. His boarding time was earlier than mine. We separated after checking in. I went to Starbucks and he went straight to the waiting room nearest to his boarding gate. I sat in that coffee shop which was located on the other side of the waiting room for passengers. I enjoyed my hot chocolate, waiting for my boarding time. I didn’t hear any announcements clearly enough. When I realised the boarding time, I then very quickly run to the boarding gate and it had been closed. I saw the craft was slowly moving back leaving the parking area down there. My heart was broken.

The third one is the ‘almost missing’. In fact, I arrived at the airport quite early. It was a small airport with one waiting room for all passengers in a one-floor building. There were only four boarding gates and all were in one side with one waiting room for passengers. We could see the aircrafts from inside the waiting room. The boarding time of my flight had not appeared on the monitor, probably the aircraft had not arrived yet. Somehow I was quite sure the gate 4 would be my boarding gate. So I sat just right in front of the boarding counter at gate 4 and started reading a book I had brought with me. I was so engrossed in the reading. The book was too interesting. I didn’t pay attention to any announcements regarding flights and boarding times. The book just caught my attention fully. I was completely lost in the reading. I realised only when I heard my name was being called. The boarding was not at gate 4, but gate 2 instead. I ran to gate 2 and was told to go straight to the aircraft. Two stewardesses were standing at the door of the aircraft. When I walked through the aisles, I wished I could cover my face. I couldn’t bear to see the passengers’ eyes looking at me. I felt so bad.

When I shared these silly things with someone, unexpectedly he said: “These happened because you were too relaxed. If I were you, I would surely have arrived at the airport three hours before the flight schedule.”

It was interesting to know that someone thought that I was a relaxed person and the “hypothesis” that a too relaxed person has a higher probability of missing flights.

To be honest, when I was in these situations, I was panicking, frustrated, ashamed and also angry with myself. All of these emotions were mixed in me. I wished I had learnt to become more peaceful and calm in dealing with such situations.

I was not relaxed at all.

I have a different hypothesis “The less stressed you become, the less you will miss your flight.”

Atheist

I think topic of God is one of the most sensitive topics for a discussion unless they are spiritually mature and open.

Have you met someone who called himself or herself an atheist? Someone who doesn’t believe in God’s existance. Many people who consider themselves to be atheist won’t share it much with others. They might choose to keep it within themselves. Because one’s belief is so individual and very personal. And it’s OK to think this way and keep it as his own. Many people are not so open about this.

I know someone who openly said : “I don’t believe in God unless God is present in front of me, so I can see His form. I am an atheist.”

We have known each other quite well, in a sense of each one’s way of thinking. This topic was not a sensitive topic for both of us. At least he knew that I would not react to his statement unexpectedly or oppose his views. So he might have felt safe saying this to me. We were in conversation with another person.

To be honest, I didn’t know how to respond to his statement. I was silent. I was not responsible for him to accept what I believe. So I didn’t say anything. I kept myself from not being provoked by his statement. I avoided a debate with him. Well, it was his confusion and problem, not mine.

But this made me think in what form he expected to see God. Did he expect to see a physical figure? Was he also open to understand if God is not in a physical form? Was he only ready to see God with his physical eyes? Or was he also ready to see God through his heart or the eye of the soul? Was he aware that we were all limited. Everything that has a physical form or material is limited. Our eyes are limited, some of us need glassess to see objects better and clearer. Both of us wore glasses 🤭. We cannot see all that exist in the physical world with our eyes. Something is probably too small or too ‘subtle’ that only our heart can see it. Was he aware of this?

God is not a human being, for sure! He doesn’t have a physical body. If God has a physical body like us, God will become very limited. He needs a mother, a father, a place to stay. He needs to sleep or take a rest, because a physical body can get tired. It is not possible (at least for me) that God takes a break for sometimes. It doesn’t sound right. All of these were just in my head.

He then said: “Tini, I think you are an agnostic.”

The other person asked him what agnostic was. He defined that an agnostic as those who do not subscribe any particular religion and are not sure about God.

This time I gave him a response because I thought he was not fully right. I said: “I believe in God, I know God, I build a relationship with God, I consider my relationship with Him is quite real. I love Him, I need Him. I am sure of all that I said.”

I think the three of us are open people and hopefully spiritually mature. We didn’t find it to be a sensitive topic, though each one of us has a completely different views.

A Birthday Surprise

Do you always consider your birthday as a special day? Why? Why not?

My birthday was last week. To be honest, I don’t think it is as a special day anymore. At least for the last few years, every birthday of mine has become a reminder that the rest of my life is getting shorter. For each birthday, it gets reduced one year at a time. This leads me to think that it is not suppossed to celebrated.

I didn’t even remember it until I came into the office my colleagues surprised me by singing the Happy Birthday song. They had been in the room before I arrived, eager to see my face light up with joy. A colleage knew me coming through the glass door, she saw my shoes.

When I opened the door, everybody started singing the song and clapping so enthusiastically. I admit that I enjoyed looking at everyone’s faces. They looked very happy and sincere.

I let them sing the song until it was finished. I kept standing there by the door, still holding my bag and carrying my laptop. When they finished singing I bowed very low like a Japanese person showing a respect or gratitude, and said: “Arigato!” the Japanese word for thank you.

It was a special birthday surprise for me, although without cake with candle! Most of us were fasting during this holy month of Ramadan. It is Ramadhan!

I got this delicious salad wrapped in soft tortilla for lunch from them. They knew it would make me feel happy.

It is a birthday salad, not a birthday cake!

They were so nice and sweet. This surprise was enough to make my day!

Times like this make me realise that birthday really can be special days. It’s the simple and little things in life we do for each other that light us up and bring happiness every year.

Trust the Vibe

Do you like travelling solo or travelling with a company? Do you have anything that you don’t feel comfortable with when you travel solo?

I just came back from India yesterday. I attended a program there. It was a two- week program and due to my work I attended the program only in the middle. I arrived late. It is a yearly program.

Ussually I would meet other participants on the plane or at the airports. This time I didn’t meet anybody.

I decided to message my friend who was in charge in transport to make sure I would be picked up from the airport when I arrived. It would be after 10pm.

He replied, ‘Sure, you will be picked up. I have your name in my list. You would be the only participant picked up tonight’.

He also gave me a guidance to stand outside and if I didn’t see anyone to pick me up, then I should make a call. If I couldn’t make any call, then I should ask for a help from anybody standing there. Well, that was what he said to me. And it was exacly what I did.

I stood among the crowd outside with a phone number to contact in my hand, tried to get a local stranger whom I could ask for a help from. I finally asked a man standing there with his friends. I asked him politely, ‘Do you have any Indian number?’ He helped me calling my friend who arranged the pick up. He said that he would send a driver in 5 minutes. I couldn’t manage to tell him what I wore (clothes), so the driver would recoqnise me easily. I continued talking to the man who had helped me. He said that they just dropped their friend who would fly to New Zealand. He would move there permanently.

Somebody was calling me, and he was the one who would pick me up. He came with the driver. He helped me loading my luggages into the car. I sat at the second row. In the car I was thinking how he recognized me. He picked up so many guests.

I arrived there for a night transit almost mid night. I got a room to rest and get refreshed. At 3am another guest from South Africa knocked my door. She just arrived.

The next morning I met my friend in the dining room. We had nice hot tea together and a bit of a chit chat.

I asked him, ‘How could the person who picked me up last night recoqnise me?’
He said, ‘It is very easy. Mostly we could recoqnise our guests through vibration.’

He only told him that I had a chinese look.

So vibration is easily picked up by the soul than the look or appearance. Vibration is felt very easily. Souls can sense vibration.

Or probably I was the only person in the crowd with Chinese look. 🙂

Cancer

What comes to mind when you hear the word cancer? How does it make you feel to consider the word? Does it make you feel fearful?

Do you have anyone in your family or in your circle who has died of this illness?

Personally I know many people who have died from this disease. This has left a strong feeling of fear in me. I remember what they went through and it was not easy at all.

Everytime I think of them and their suffering, I wish I could give them power to relieve their pain. I imagine myself having a super power to do it. I just cannot stand seeing anyone in pain, weak or hopeless.

I have a friend who is an Oncologyst. He said: ‘Actually you should worry too much about cancer. Because the number one killer is cardiovasculair disease. Anything with the heart disease. Not cancer!’

Cancer doesn’t happen very quickly. It takes time. It often has to do with our lifestyle and a lifestyle related to health includes our diet, exercise and sleeping. We can do something about it.

I felt so relieved hearing this from a doctor.

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Dealing with our own fear is also very essential, how to become free from fear. Because fear is one of negative emotions that weakens our immune system. Being free from this emotion may give a very big impact to mental health and at the end it contributes to our happiness.

Do not judge!

I met someone for the first time recently in a social club event. I tried not to be judgemental to anyone I met for the first time, not from the way he talked, the way he looked nor what he wore.

Sometimes your judgement is not correct. Especially when you only meet that person for the first time. You only have very little information about him or her.

It is said ‘Do not judge a book by its cover.’

Do not be too quick to judge somebody. Your judgement will influence your response. It is better to remain neutral by not having any judgement.

This man I met in the event was a very interesting person. He looked very confident when sharing his thoughts in our group. I have heard a lot and also met people who were introvert before but this one said very openly ‘I am an extrovert person.’

He openly shared his traveling experience to different cities and also countries, including foods he didn’t like. He looked very comfortable in sharing his personal stories. Again, I did not judge.

He showed me shoes he wore that day. He said ‘These are Gucci.’ I knew this brand. It is luxurious. I am not familiar with the look of the shoes because I never think of buying one. I had an impression that this man was a rich person or a successful person. Probably I was too naive to stereotype people with the brand of his fashion items.

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Everytime I shared this story of the man and his Gucci to friends, they responsed negatively about this man. One of them even said ‘Do not make a friend with him.’

How to Become Committed

If you develop a new habit, practise it everyday. Never miss it! For at least 100 days. Well, it is from my personal experience.

I have developed a morning routine with yoga. Only 10 minutes every morning. I practise several basic yoga poses only. The same yoga poses, at same time everyday. I have been doing it a couple of months now. I just need a yoga mat.

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I think it has to do with commitment. It is your commitment that will keep you going.

How to develop commitment?

Do it everyday! Do not put any day off because it will break your commitment easily and quickly. You will start making an excuses in your head not to keep going. Then it becomes a struggle internally. At the end it will weaken your commitment before you break it completely.

A few years ago I subscribed a gym membership for one year. I was so enthusiastic to go for the gym at the very beginning. I was commiitted to go at least twice a week. The gym was located only the next block to my office. It was only a walking distance. I should have comitted to it. But I noticed myself only committed for the first three months and I did not go to the gym for the rest of the year. I know it was just a waste of money.

Then I punished myself not to subcribe any gym membership until now.

I realized developing a commitment was more urgent to me. I told myself to practise something small and easy. I chose to practise yoga at home with commitment conscious.

Do you find yourself struggle in keeping a commitment for yourself?